Monthly Archives: May 2005

RE: TOP 9 DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN

9 Tips for Dating a Woman? Or how about 9 Ways To Show you just want sex? DC Bachelor, it appears you aren?t ready to date

Dear mid-twenty-something woman,

It appears you don’t know what dating is really about. It’s an activity that you play to make it seem like you aren’t a loner. In “dating”, you put on that constant show, self-conscious of every move to make sure you are “playing the game” right. It’s fake. I’m sure you don’t forget to update your friends with every development of the new guy you met at the club last week. You never know, this guy could be the one to end the cycle of weekend nights getting drunk, destroying your body.

Dating is like riding a bike. You learn it, get hurt early often, and then get decent enough at it that you are able to go through the motions to enjoy the ride. Every now and then you take a risk by jumping a ramp or trying a wheelie, but you grow out of it eventually. Are you that 19 year old kid smoking a cigarette while riding that little bike around the neighborhood? Dating should not be taken seriously, and you are not special if you date often.

“But wait, if you don’t like to do the dating thing, you’re going to be alone forever!!!”

Americans are not very creative: there are other ways of getting close to someone without going to restaurants and bars. Until you figure it out, I will be coming up with dating observations. And you will keep reading them because they are painfully true.

TOP 9 DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN

1. Offer to pay even if you have no intention of doing so. Also, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.

2. There is nothing wrong with inviting me back upstairs for a dessert or drink. I know you want me to come up or else my lame bathroom excuse wouldn’t work every time.

3. Tease, but give in eventually so I don’t have to deal with painful cramps on a shameful ride home.

4. Stroke, don’t tug. It’s not a door handle.

5. Don’t complain… about anything at all.

6. A guy’s neck needs attention too.

7. Put out no later than the fourth date if you like me. Even if you think I just want you for the sex, I should be rewarded for spending all that time with you.

8. Don’t go into detail about your ex-boyfriends. I don’t care and it makes you look clingy.

9. If you already have had sex with me, please don’t make me have to re-seduce you the next time. It should get easier.

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Check out PUA Mindset for men dating tips.

THE BUTTERFLY NETWORK

A new DC blog on the scene is The Butterfly Network. I got interested the first time I read the description:

The Butterfly Network documents the life and styles of two young professional women in the Washington D.C. area who love to comment on gossip, political buzz, humor, and hot spots – all for your personal enjoyment.

Upon closer inspections I’ve noticed it to be mostly celebrity gossip. Where’s the nightlife photos, stories of getting hit on by some lame dude, and dating reports?


The girls with Senator. Caught the one on the right in an awkward pose haha.

Here’s how to make me a daily reader…

Do less of this:
Mainstream stuff that is posted everywhere else.

Do more of this:
Private information that is sure to get you in trouble.
Pictures of your friends in the bar/club with sexy poses (or pictures at the beach).
“Realizations” that make you question whether life is really worth living.
Essays of how everyone really sucks and no one is keeping it real.
References to me and my crew.

I got a chance to briefly talk to the duo behind the site at the HHH, and they asked a question about my content. I remember saying, “Some of the stuff I put up may be on the extreme side, but I mean everything I write. That way if you get attacked, you can stand by your words.” This prevents the “It was a joke” syndrome that a lot of other fake haters are guilty of.

I THOUGHT I’D NEVER HAVE TO APPROACH A WOMAN AGAIN

I was being considered a possible subject of an upcoming print magazine feature. The lunch was scheduled. Unfortunately, I get an e-mail the same day I FedEx’d the forms back:

…the higher-ups at *** actually got around to looking at your site … and decided that it wasn’t their flavor of ice cream.

Big surprise. Because of this I will be making some changes to the site. Here are things I will be talking more of:

Puppy dogs
Ice cream
My respect of all women
Lovemaking
Fine dining and stylish clothing
Exciting manly things, like rock climbing and mountain biking

This will replace the keepin’ it real mentality that has brought you the utter truth for so long.

The magazine’s circulation: 3+ million and falling. :whip:

HHH RECAP

Here are my five favorite photos from the happy hour (you can view all the photos here). Not by coincidence, I’m in all of them.


Left to right: Luke, Senator, Me.

Look at the masculine way I’m holding that drink.


L to R: Random person, Senator, Random person, V, Me.

When this picture was taken I guess I thought it would be a good idea to protect my crotch, as you can see from the placement of my hands.

This photo was taken the instant Mike G and I met. You can see on our faces what we really think about each other.

This guest was feeling my edgy vibe (thanks to the soul patch) even though I kept running out of things to say. It all ended when she accused me of lying after I brought in Spaniard to discuss his recent break-up (him and his girlfriend really did split a few hours before the happy hour). Surprisingly, there are some girls who are resistant to my charm.


L to R: Eugenius, Me, Spaniard, Insomnia

The Haters!!! Sorry Insomnia, I know this is a bad picture of you, but I don’t look right in our other group photo.

While many DC blogs were busy patting each other on the back Friday, the most anti-social DC blogger of them all, the Why I Hate DC guy, was in John Kelly’s Friday Post column.

EARLIER:

Only quotes I remember:

V: “You’re taller than I thought.”
Luke: “Your face is getting shiny.”

Most awkward moment:

A lady friend of mine trying to get a rise out of The Senator by making fun of his profession. He handled it well.

Most unawkward moment:

Meeting Mike Grass from DCist. He was standing next to me for at least 10 minutes until Kelly came and told me who he was. I introduced myself and we ended up talking for a while… about blogs.

I had a chance to meet the CPMC guys, a few readers (including CatCiao, a suspected hater), and many girls who had trouble admitting that they are DC blog groupies. I also met the girls behind The Butterfly Network, and talked to them for a full 45 seconds.

Today the Washington Post Express published an article focusing on Kelly with a big CPMC mention. This site gets an indirect mention.

Other HHH recaps:

Socialites: We came, they hated, we all drank, we blogged
CPMC: Haters Turned To Lovers
– TBN: An Apple Martini and a Limo Ride & Fabulous Fifteen Minutes
Circle V: The interview

H CUBED IS TONIGHT

Definite:
CPMC
Socialites “Mystery Guest”

Yes:
Up All Night Jane

Most likely:
V. She hasn’t said she’d come, but I have a feeling she will.

Probably not:
DCist staff members

The Zen Den area in the back is reserved for us, and I managed to get a whopping $2 off the Liquid Yoga drink (Eugenius’ favorite).

Haters Happy Hour details

POSTSCRIPT: Thanks to Kelly for mentioning the happy hour on her Z104 segment this morning. MP3 Clip.

HELMET HEAD

Long hair and helmets don’t mix. After a badass motorcycle ride my hair transforms into a 70’s-style female bob: flat on top but with curls sticking out from the sides. This womanly style takes away from my alpha male image, as you can see from the following picture:

I tried bandanas, skull-caps, and knit caps, but none of them look right. Finally be accident I found something that works:

Yes, a headband. I’m bringing it back.