1. Banged. Girls I’ve had sex with. This collection reminds me that my pursuit of quality is a noble one. (Thank you Myspace and Friendster for helping round out this collection.)

2. Coulda woulda shoulda. Huge folder. Either these girls got away, wasn’t appreciating the game, or I lost interest before I could seal it. This folder reminds me of my potential.

3. Girls my friends have banged. Gigantic folder. I have it organized by each friend.

The number of girls probably reading right now that are in one of these three folders: 13.

The digital revolution is a glorious one.

The hair slightly seperates from the head:

The Decision

It was between ‘My Future Wife,’ ‘A Diamond Adds 50 Pounds,’ and ‘Till Breadth Do Us Part.’ I imagined wearing the shirt with all three slogans, and eliminated the diamond one first. I decided to go with a self-deprecating angle: yeah my future wife will be thin, but how can I be so sure she will remain that way? Most men are doomed to the fate that this shirt depicts. I also wanted to give more of a teddy-bear vibe compared to Pump and Dump.

The Shirt

Cranberry-colored American Apparel t-shirt in medium (quantity: 6) or large (quantity: 5). These shirts shrink considerably after machine drying. For more sizing info, check out the write-up for Pump and Dump. Don’t iron the graphic.

Price and Shipping

$17.50 plus $4 shipping (anywhere in the U.S) at DCBstore.com. No additional shipping charge if you also buy Pump and Dump, which I’ve reduced to $15.00.

Reactions

Once people catch the female bodies, they position themselves for a closer look. Most responses are meant with laughter and “That’s great/funny” comments. Thin girls are more likely to comment than fat ones. I was afraid that I needed to explain that it’s the same woman, but everyone seems to get it.

I feel more comfortable wearing this shirt in daytime than Pump and Dump, though I do feel bad if I’m at a store and the lady helping me is huge.

A week and a half ago the worst thing happened to me. No, I didn’t get knocked up; I got a flat tire. Boo. I was at the intersection in the only left turning lane by N. Lynn St. right by the Key Bridge. I was looking pretty cute because I got all dressed up for a dinner date. I looked something like this:

Well, thank God for AAA because they were gonna come in 2 hours! I decided to play a game to see how many guys would offer to help me change my tire. Well, men of DC, you have sorely disappointed me.

The first person to ask if I needed help was a Mexican - man do I love foreigners! He probably could have changed my tire and my oil and cleaned my car. He was driving a van, who knows what (who) was in the back. I turned him down, sadly, because I had to continue with my research. Then a guy who was walking - again foreign! He asked if he could change my tire and I turned him down as well.

Okay, so I coach gymnastics, and I carry my equipment around with me. So guess what I had in my car at the time? A trampoline and a “mailbox” mat. I looked like I was a naughty girl carrying around all this stuff. I recieved many comments from cars driving by about my trampoline. One group of thugged-out white boys my age in a pimped Escalade stopped at the light. The first and only thing they asked was, “Babe, what’s the trampoline for?” I told them I taught gymnastics classes to adults in the nude, and then I told them to fuck off.

I made a quick call to Sally who told me I should try to get people to take my photo. Sadly, this did not work. I tried: I applied lipstick and jumped on my tramp but the only people who offered had cell phones.

The best part of my 3 hours gymnastics show (yes, I waited for 3 long hours), was when the cops came and set up flares! I felt soooo cool and I really wished I had a camera. You should have seen the people pass by and stare. Was there and accident? Where is the other car? Why is there a trampoline? I bet this was what they were asking themselves.

This guy who had been stalking me (he passed me four times within an hour) pulled over and was like I will change you tire. So, I decided AAA was not coming and thank God the cop came back because this guy was very frightening. The cop asked me what the trampoline was for too; I told him the truth, I didn’t want to get arrested for teaching nude gymnastics.

So, my conclusion is that I saw far too many attractive guys driving very nice cars pass by without stopping to help. Where have all the real men gone? They are all metroed out with American Crew hair gel with their fancy clothes and manicured nails. You could’ve gotten laid by changing my tire! Sike….

By the way, I can change my own tire. Seriously, I was just doing research. But next time I get a flat this is what I will be wearing:

With Love, Dasha

When you’re young, everyone tells you not to settle down right away, and to date around, and “have fun”. People who are older and married (usually your family) will tell you this because they are wistful that they got married at 21 and have now been divorced at least once because they really, probably, weren’t ready to get married at that age. They think everyone should stay single until the age of 30. On the other side of the coin, older women who have never been married (it’s always women) - the “spinster” - who is still single and repellent to men will tell you to “have fun” not realizing that everyone laughs at her behind her back for still acting like she is 23 and prowling on younger men.

But the problem is that one day in the not-so-distant future, if you continue on this fun-having trajectory, you will wake up 35 and unmarried, still “having fun” but probably with several missed chances at love and maybe marriage because you “didn’t want to be tied down” or you “weren’t ready”. But at 35, you won’t be nearly as pretty or cute, and you’ll be reduced to dating sleazy 65 year old men with two marriages under their belt. When is anyone ever ready for anything? It’s best to keep your sails clean, so to speak, and be prepared.

Really, I don’t understand why people emphasize the need to “have fun” so much. You know what I think is fun? Drinking bloody marys and eating Haagen Dazs ice cream all day and watching “Pride and Prejudice” on repeat. But you know why I don’t do that? Because I have to work, and because having that kind of fun will probably make me fat and sick and be completely unproductive. It’s an excellent analogy for what “having fun” in the dating world will get you.

Men are able to use both personality and status to get women. The personality man uses words, attitude, and body language. The status man uses clothing, job title, and cars. It’s easy to imagine a line with personality on one end and status on the other, where a majority of men fit somewhere in between.

I use about 85% personality because it is the best way for me to attract the kind of girl that I like. I dress in simple, dated clothing. I drive an old, practical car. I don’t put too much time into my appearance. I am reluctant to talk about my job. I am slow to reveal interesting things I do that may impress women. My game highlights my humor and energy instead of my material possessions. It pays off: I date girls who are low-maintenance, laid-back, creative, and spontaneous.

My job title used to be a humble one. It said I’m neither poor nor rich. Because I don’t attract girls who are looking for status, it was never a problem when I told these girls I need to watch my spending.

But now I have a new job title that is much more flashy. For the past two weeks I have a stronger answer to do the inevitable “What do you do” question. Girls now ask more about my job than they did before, maybe trying to piece together how much I really make. It completely changes the vibe of the encounter where my career achievement gets the spotlight instead of my sexy banter.

The worst thing a guy can do is use his money to attract a girl. Using status does get your foot in the door but it has two large drawbacks: (1) it prevents you from building a proper foundation to consistently get and keep girls, and (2) it attracts the wrong type of girl.

In The Prince, Machiavelli talks about the two ways to gain power: ability and good fortune. Princes who use ability have a hard time establishing their rule, but an easy time keeping it. Princes who rise through good fortune have an easy time establishing their rule, but a hard time holding on. Ability allows you to meet future challenges and adapt to the constantly changing environment, characteristics needed to successfully rule a nation.

Because [...] he who has not first laid his foundations may be able with great ability to lay them afterwards, but they will be laid with trouble to the architect and danger to the building.

When you get girls through money, you are using good fortune. You will land some easy bait, but you have used a lure that many other men have. Not only is your hold on the woman tenuous, but your ability to get other women depends on external factors such as your bank account. What happens when the status man goes through a rough spot? His real power is weak, and he is under constant pressure to maintain the image of success even when his financial house is in disorder.

As a club veteran, I see the types of girls that give second looks to sharply dressed men in VIP booths. If you walk down the ghetto while waving hundred dollar bills in your hand, I doubt you will be surprised when someone robs you of it. Money attracts people who like money. Status attracts women who want this money; the shallow kind of woman that still has trouble searching for a deeper meaning in life besides collecting overpriced purses.

Using personality (”game”) to get women allows you to weather any storm. It doesn’t matter if you live with your parents, work at Starbucks, or dress in Old Navy clothing because as long as you have the ability to engage women emotionally and push those attraction buttons, almost any woman can be yours. Broke or not, the only thing that would stop you from meeting that hot girl in the dairy section of the supermarket is yourself, not your wallet.

I went back to telling girls my old job title. Modest, simple… just like the girl I want.

This is a risky contest to throw in an uptight town, but I?m hoping to get many quality submissions.

I did not hope strong enough.

Yes.

Yes.

I think everyone knows who this ass belongs to.

One reader likes taking secret photos of women in public.

Another perv picture. Too petite.

–FAUX UPSKIRT PICTURE REMOVED–

I guess the assmasters will have to keep their love of ass underground for now.

Postscript: Someone emailed me about a new Maryland law that prohibits upskirt photography. I took down the picture because I think I’m already on a list.

I’m taking a break but I’m not taking a break.

The forum is off to a good start. There’s over 50 registered users and a couple dozen topics going.

I finally decided on the slogan for the new shirt. It’s something that hasn’t been mentioned. At first I wanted these shirts to make a statement like Pump and Dump, but now I think I’m feeling more of a humor angle. This printing is 12 shirts.

I dropped off the blanks to my new t-shirt guy last week and while he was loading up the file I looked on the wall and saw a picture of his two super hot daughters. He laughs at the graphic and says, “I’m glad I don’t have this problem. My wife is still very thin.” Then he points to what I thought was his older daughter. What a pimp. :bow: