I was going to write a rant about this article, but I’m too angry after reading it to be coherent on the topic. Time to cut another check to NARAL!


There’s a great quote from Vin Diesel (hear me out) in last month’s Elle magazine. Asked if there’s any movie character with whom he identifies, he says, “Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind. Here’s this guy saying, ‘I may be rough around the edges, but I’m the better man for you, and you’re still locked over there with the pretty boy.'”

I’ll admit it: I’m reading Gone with the Wind right now, and I have a huge literary crush on Captain Rhett Butler.

Where are all the Rhett Butlers? Dashing! Dangerous! Brave!

They’ve all gone the way of the cowboy. I blame modern life. You can’t be a Rhett sitting behind a computer in a cubicle. You can’t be a courageous blockade-runner when nobody blockades things any more. Now, if you got kicked out of West Point and allegedly knocked some girl up and disowned by your rich family, there wouldn’t be shame in that, and you might be considered a “bad boy” but chances are you’d probably also be into drugs and have dated Lindsay Lohan and get featured in the New York Times Thursday Styles (or you’d be this guy).

Men, I ask you – why aren’t you committing more courageous acts to show women how much you love them? I know it’s not the burning of Atlanta and I’m not asking you to steal me a horse to get my pregnant sister-in-law and I out of town (I can’t stop thinking about this book), but why aren’t you trying to impress me by being a man? Hint: playing video games, being an asshole, driving a BMW, or wearing sweaters with stretched-out necks does not prove that you are manly.

Where are the men who ask women out, instead of giving them their phone number and leaving it up to the lady? Where are the men who are actively trying to make the world safe and comfortable for women? For Christ’s sake, where are the men who know how to fix the electrical outlet in my bathroom without consulting the internet first?

101 thoughts on “MY TURN

  1. hedonistic

    I have a “first edition” Gone With the Wind. It belonged to my grandmother and is probably worth a fortune today. A good read!

    To answer your question:

    1. Any man in love is inspired to heroic acts.

    2. Most male attention is not love.

    So there you have it!

  2. O-face

    Men, I ask you – why aren?t you committing more courageous acts to show women how much you love them?
    We do, you just don’t notice. Like pretending we’re interested in how your “day went”..or pretending we’re rich and oozing with cash, when were bloated with massive credit card debt inorder to impress your friends..or staying home on a friday night to spend quality time…or pretending that we don’t wanna have crazy animal sex with you…that were “making love”..Yeah we do, just gotta look harder.

  3. KassyK

    They are still out there…Believe me–there many not be MANY of them…what was the perfect of good girls that are worth it out there mentioned earlier? Like 5%?

    Then there are about 5% of good men left too and I say thats something to cheer about. :banana:=

    When I was really sick a few years ago, in and out of the e.r….my boyfriend took me there each time. He waited for 7 plus hours EACH time while I had various things poked and prodded…and even almost knocked out some guy that tried to hit on me while I was doubled over in pain in the ER waiting for my new to be called…Thats not chivalry?

  4. mhm

    Women reading emotial porn….gotta make you smile. Just remember Sally, you only have about 5 years left to get married before your looks start fading and you become an embittered cat lady.

    Some advice for you ladies out there. Never own more than 2 cats, because any chick who owns 3 cats is crazy. Hell, at 2 cats you’re only 1 cat away from crazy.

  5. rebecca

    I agree with KassyK that chivalry exists, more so in DC than other places I’ve lived. I enjoy the fact that men let me get into the elevators first or hold the door for me. I like the small things. But how many grand romantic gestures are being done? Or even minor acts of bravery, like asking a girl out. My friends claim that I can be intimidating to guys. I say, screw that! If you don’t have the guts to even ask out a girl who is strong and independent, who just might be smarter than you and is not going to pretend otherwise, then you don’t deserve to date me.

    As for the contra-contraception, I hope the extreme religious right does start fighting to ban it. Maybe then this country will see that they are ridiculous people who don’t care about life, but who care about control and forcing people to fit their ideas of what is right. Maybe then the FDA will get its head out of its butt and stop playing politics with drugs like the morning after pill. Plus, we’ll have more people fighting on our side. AFter all, the women in their group will be too worn out from having 8 babies to do much else.

  6. hedonistic

    Heroic act: The day my EX boyfriend came to pick up my puking self off the bottom of my staircase to carry me back to bed. I had the flu and was all alone and had fallen down the stairs (granted, it was from trying to answer the door).

    He brought ginger ale.


  7. gisella

    Rhett Butlers exsist when women act like Scarlett O’Hara. As someone who has a tendency to act stubborn yet docile, I see them frequently. They are definitley out there, but they are attracted to a certain personality. I have to say I love the movie, and Rhett Butler was always amazing. I could never understand Scarlett’s affections for Ashley.
    Let’s face it ladies, at the end of the day we all just want to be rescued by a modern day Rhett Butler.

  8. Stephen

    Since moving to DC, it happens at least once a month where I will hold a door open for a “woman” and she will snipe a comment of “I don’t need you to hold a door open for me”. In Atlanta, that never happened. Different culture.

    Hearing the snipes I’ve gotten for what those kinds of actions, its a wonder I haven’t given up yet.

    Also, woman have told men to not act like men. Now, we’re supposed to talk about our feelings, be in tune with nature.

    There’s a reason for the archetype of the “strong and silent”

    If you want to see men, make it okay to be a man again.

  9. Stephen


    And guys, there are women out there who do want a man, and are very happy to have one. I’m happy to be dating one such creature.

  10. Eugenius

    Those men are here…….but the bitcheness, games, attitude that women shoot back when any MAN tries to be real…makes it not worth it. Thats why being a dick is unfortunately the only way women these days appreciate and respond to. It especially applies to our area where most women think and act like they are the cream of the crop. Cream of the crap is more likely…

    In the end why would a man want to deal with all the shit when he can act like an asshole and get better results? I wish it wasnt so…….but its true

  11. Jinxy

    I read “Gone With The Wind” when I was in Haiti and had nothing better to do.

    Holy Moses, that was tedious.

    The Civil War and all of the good parts were over by page 300 and it’s an 1100 page book.

  12. O-face

    Yeah, I noticed that through observation..If you treat a woman like crap you get better cooperation..weird but true. But you can not be nice or they will put there Jimmy Choo’s on your neck..

  13. Sally

    To add further, I think there was a movement that began among boomer parents to raise boys that were more sensitive and stuff (reaction to the women’s rights movement, perhaps). But all it did was turn out a generation of little titty-baby boys. And girls my age are used to it, so that they tend to go after sexually non-threatening men, and disregard the more aggressive ones who actually, you know, act like men.

  14. Jinxy

    P.S. Doesn’t Rhett Butler rape Scarlett O’Hara towards the end of the book when she won’t give it up?

    Yeah, I think I remember that part.

    You sure you still want him as your paragon of manly virtue?

  15. double-O-negative

    gone with the wind takes place in the civil war south. in those days, it was just a tad uncool to be gay. it’s just a hunch, but you see where i’m going with this? the pool has been diluted, and unfortunately you’re stuck with the “smash-beercan-on-head” cro-magnons of the 21st century. the test is finding the one’s that can open your beer with their teeth.

  16. gisella

    Yes we think he is going to rape her, but perhaps she consents. My reason for this thinking is that the next morning when she wakes up it is obvious she did consent as she is in a wonderful mood, singing, and obviously in a happy, content mood. The bedroom scence is question is left up to the mind of the reader or viewer.

    Scarlett is actually a very strong feministic character for her time. She worked in the public sphere in many jobs uncommon for women, especially southern women, she was always outspoken and ahead of the times in her flashy clothing, and revealing attire. She openly flirted with men, even married men. She is a wonderful female character; strong, lively, intelligent, brave, yet she can be docile, loving and sweet. She is just brilliant. I think women love her because deep down inside we see a part of ourselves in her, we are strong and brave but at the end of the day we want a man to take care of us.

  17. KassyK

    Ok before I explode ON THE SPOT, I’ll say one thing…I hate the “all women” and “all men” generalizations. If we were ALL the same way…we wouldnt have shit to talk about…

    There are always amazing, chivalrous men and women that not only APPRECIATE them but actively search them out (even in DC)…and there will always be stupid ass girls that like dickheads. I was guilty of it in the past when I was younger but quickly grew out of it.

    If you havent learned your lessons about dickhead guys or shallow stupid women at this point…YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF THE SAND people…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH KASSYK IS HAVING A FIT. If you end up dating these women or men KNOWINGLY and then bitch about it….you deserve to have to sit with Monica Lewinsky for 5 hours straight discussing her handbags, and then fuck her.


  18. O-face

    and there will always be stupid ass girls that like dickheads.
    You just made my Friday Kassy K–only a juvenile mind like mine would spot such unintentional comedy.

    But i’m not a dickhead, I unfortunately have to play one or I get steam rolled. I have feelings too *head droops*………..

  19. Jinxy

    Yes, we later read that she was happy and whistling and pleased with herself the next morning, but if you tried that Rhett Butler shit in today’s day and age they’d throw you onto the Duke lacross team.

    And yes, women readers love Scarlett because she is all of those qualities you described. But she is also atrociously petty, shallow, materialistic, cowardly, and manipulative.

    A mixed bag if you ask me.

    Call me out of touch, but I preferred Melanie Hamilton.

  20. holiday

    On contraception: Can we talk about how CVS is locking up condoms? Talk about restricting access to contraception.

    I sympathize with Stephen. I’m sure it must be hard to be a Southern gentleman in DC. There are plenty of women who enjoy having their doors opened for them, men who walk on the street side of the sidewalk, etc. but there are plenty of women who will bite your head off for the same thing.

    However, I think Sally is right. Aside of chivalry, where are the grandiose gestures of love? I think I’ve been ruined by 80s teen movies. We’re all waiting for Jake Ryan leaning against his porsche in front of the church or Lloyd Dobler standing with the boombox over his head.

  21. RCR

    For the record, in my 6 years in DC I’ve never had a women say anything other than “thank you” for opening a door for her. I hear stories of uppity uber feminists, but have yet to encounter one. I think it’s a myth.

  22. gisella

    The viewer reader is left with the notion that it is consentual sex, but perhaps you can take it either way. As for Scarlett being manipulative, of course everyone has bad character traits even Melanie Hamilton, who lacked the ability to stand up for herself and bahved as a door mat! The beauty of the romance is that Scarlett was loved by Rhett even though she was not perfect. He saw the true beauty in her even when she was ugly.

  23. RCR

    “He saw the true beauty in her even when she was ugly.”

    Oh, puh-motherfucking-lease. Firstable, the fact that Gone With the Wind is being discussed on this of all blogs is disturbing. Second, ONLY in a woman’s mind could such a character be conceived. He’s a dashing courageous date rapist who ignores Scarlett’s horrible personality not because she’s a hotty he wants to bang, but because he sees her inner beauty. Hand me a bucket so I can vomit.

  24. Jinxy

    You saw beauty between Rhett and Scarlet?

    I saw it as one of the most dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship ever to appear on the printed page.

    Guys, a quick note:

    If the chick you’re interested cites Scarlett O’Hara as one of her primary role models, you should run screaming away from her like your hair was on fire and your ass was catching.

    It means she loves the drama.

  25. Eugenius

    KassyK, generalizations about “all men” or “all women” are ususally made due to certain patterns developing, through experiences or even observations……you are correct it does not necessarily describe all 100% of women….but do we need all 100 women to act a certain way to make a intelligent generalization or can we look at the 80+ experiences and see that they fit into that category?

    It is what it is, its easy to say “If you havent learned your lessons about dickhead guys or shallow stupid women at this point?YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF THE SAND,” what you argue for I have rarely seen, no matter what the environment is…….though internationally these generalizations tend to be reversed into a more positive direction.

  26. Sweatpants

    Yeah, I totally agree. Also, women should be in the kitchen cooking me some goddamn breakfast instead of consulting the internet before cracking the eggs for an omelet.

  27. Irina

    “To add further, I think there was a movement that began among boomer parents to raise boys that were more sensitive and stuff (reaction to the women?s rights movement, perhaps). But all it did was turn out a generation of little titty-baby boys.”

    Agreed, though this is more likely in white guys, who I guess are babied ones. Non-white American or foreign guys are still kinda manly. Look for those.

    “And girls my age are used to it, so that they tend to go after sexually non-threatening men, and disregard the more aggressive ones who actually, you know, act like men.”

    Because we equate ‘sensitive’ and non-threatening as NICE, LOVING and FAITHFUL. which is sooooo untrue. There is no correlation. In fact, I always think of these sissy-boys as just lazy.


  28. KassyK

    Eugenius—You are right in that generalizations can be made and thats the whole point of blogging and bantering and who am I kidding–I love it…but I think people reach a certain age (hopefully) and you can weed out the good and the bad ones

    …if you are played by a bad one (man or woman) bc they are intentionally trying to fuck you over–then that SUCKS and I do not blame the victim…it happens…weve all been hurt/played/etc…But the key is to look at behaviors that you dont like…and try to stay away from those people…I know, I know its easier said than done and I am by no means perfect…but if I get played by a player…and I KNOW they are a player…whos fault is that? Mine.

  29. phi

    I haven’t seen GWTW lately but I do remember Scarlett being pretty damn shrill. Rhett was pretty much an asshole for those times. I guess its nostalgic to call them “dashing and dangerous” for the times.

  30. Andy

    “Maybe there are a lot of good men out there and none of them want to date you.”

    ^^^^ SNAP!

  31. Roissy

    where are the women who know how to take a man’s surname in marriage?

    you get as good as you give.

  32. Joe

    True that, Sally, men have become wussified. Certainly in DC, having a Dilbert-like job sitting in a cubicle will do that, but when guys become so intimidated by women that they won’t ask a chick out, and instead play phone number and email games, I blame mainly the MEN. Even if women seem castrating and intimidating at times, it is ultimately up to the GUY to get over his own self-esteem issues and boldly take the initiative. And it sickened me when I lived in the DC area that so many men were neutered in this way. At the end of the day, it’s THEIR fault for succumbing to what I (a Las Vegas native) have always termed “East Coast Syndrome”…. don’t mean to be startin’ no East Coast – West Coast bad blood up in here, but if anyone has any questions about why I use this term, just ask…

  33. Mandy

    I?m about to generalize, but…

    Women buy romance novels and men buy Playboy. Women get caught up in dramatic stories about the chivalry and self-sacrifice of men who fall desperately in love…and men get caught up in… well, you know. I think that explains the fundamental difference. We?re always expecting different things. Our standards are different.

    The good thing is that, when you put the novel back on the shelf, if there?s a guy in your life who will hug you when you?re crying and help you fix your computer, you?re still going to appreciate it. In my book, the funny and nice guys finish first.

  34. Mandy

    I just followed your link hedonistic…whoa…did you read some of the letters on the Salon article? It devolved pretty quickly into a debate on why modern women are too aggressive/fat/slutty.

    Kind of reminds me of a few of DCB?s other posts when I think about it…hahaha…no further comment… =)

  35. hedonistic

    The saddest part is, ED is associated with some serious medical problems (anything from obesity to diabetes to substance abuse); the person who wrote the original Washington Post article, had he been responsible, could have focused on these more likely reasons.

    But noooooooo, he had to blame those nasty feminists, when the truth is, virile men in the 18-22 age range, those with functioning plumbing at least, are generally MORE than willing to jump on any decent, attractive woman who floats their boats. Even if she’s sexually assertive. Heck, *especially* (ahem) if she’s sexually assertive! Puh-leeze!

    Of course, if it turns out that gender equality really DOES make some men go flaccid . . . these are probably the guys who shouldn’t be breeding in the new millenium anyway.

  36. hedonistic

    OMFG . . . I looked again, and the original Washington Post article WAS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN. Egad. My night is ruined. Must go take shower now. Ugh.

  37. Brian

    You want to meet a chivalrous, brave man? It’s easy. Next time a run-of-the-mill guy comes and talks to you, to hit on you, or even just to pass conversation, genuinely pay attention. Chances are, he’s the guy you want. It’s the more modest and humble guys who provide what you’re looking for.

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