ACCIDENT

There is an interesting article in the November issue of Details magazine that addresses the problem of women deceiving men to get pregnant. Quotes:

It’s not about trapping the guy. That’s kind of old-fashioned. Yeah, you want him to be into it, but there are other ways to get a guy to commit. If you’re smart and in a good relationship, it’s just about the fact that you want a kid. I see and hear people talk about it, and I understand. I get it and I don’t even think it’s that manipulative. It’s more like, ‘Hey, the timing is right for me. I got pregnant–oops! Well, it’s here, let’s have it.’ I think that’s more the way it is now than it was back in the day when you had to marry someone before you got pregnant. Marriage doesn’t matter now. (emphasis added)

Jody
got pregnant without telling her boyfriend


Any guy with a heart and soul, and preferably with a job, once he sees the baby on the sonogram or hears the heartbeat, will melt.

Vicky Iovine
author of The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy


She was like, ‘You know what? You gotta be a man. You’re gonna have to have a job 40 hours a week, and you need to support this child — this is your responsibility and your obligation.’ And I’m thinking to myself, like, ‘How is all of this my responsibility and my obligation when none of this was my choice?’

Jeremy
new father after girlfriend went off birth control without telling him

A few years ago I remember making fun of a friend for being so paranoid about this very same thing. He was dating an older woman he didn’t trust and would take home used condoms wrapped in toilet paper after spending time at her place. My experience since then suggests that he was more smart than crazy.

Guys, it’s simple: do not allow your sperm inside a vagina unless you are ready to have a child with the woman attached to it. Birth control or not, there is no amount of pleasure worth giving up reproductive control over.

If I got a girl pregnant right now, and she insisted on keeping it, I’d skip out of the country without hesitation. Since I’m very careful with my seed, any girl who gets pregnant by me is 100% using nefarious means and deserves no support or money for her deception. Send me pictures every five years.

I’ll be a father when I’m ready, not because a reformed whore is bored with her life.

122 thoughts on “ACCIDENT

  1. Clarence

    “I totally agree with this result. He has rights, it?s just that his interest in raising a child was outweighed by the woman?s interest in controlling her own body. You don?t get to force a woman to go through pregnancy, even if you want the baby, because it?s her body, not yours. Seriously, why should men have that right? I?m not saying the guy?s interest in raising the child carries no weight, but it?s clear to me that the woman has a greater interest in controlling her own body.”

    I agree with this, but I brought that up to illustrate there are some men who very very much want to be fathers. We aren’t all anti-child.

    Of course the larger point is that what the man wants doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t support the decision to abort he’s a pig, if he wants her to abort and she doesn’t want to, he’s a pig. Of course the “best interests of the child” would be that she not ever abort short of health concerns, but , like everything else, that phrase only means something if there is $ attached to it.

    A case that outraged me 2 years ago was that the Maryland Court of Appeals ruled in favor of Maryland’s child support agency. At issue was whether they would have to return some money to a man who had custody of his two kids. Well, the court ruled that since they were government they were not subject to the “best interests of the child” standard. Heehee. To laugh is to cry.

  2. Clarence

    ‘so, it?s not that you want women to stop seeking child support from men, it?s that you want all unmarried pregnant women to be forced to have abortions or give up their babies?’

    How did you get that? I want all babies to have both a mother and a father in their lives. At least as long as both want to be there. Undoubtedly many “willing fathers” were driven underground due to those old welfare policies, for example. And many women got the mistaken impression it was a good thing to be a single parent. Single parenthood is only above being placed in an orphanage for children. Sometimes it works, more often it does not.

  3. js

    “Of course the larger point is that what the man wants doesn?t matter. If he doesn?t support the decision to abort he?s a pig, if he wants her to abort and she doesn?t want to, he?s a pig.”

    It’s not that what the man wants doesn’t matter. It’s that what the man wants doesn’t control. I don’t believe that the man’s opinion in this issue should be taken lightly, but, at the end of the day, it’s not his decision, and if the consequence of the woman’s decision is a child, then that child can’t be punished because the man disagreed with the woman’s decision.

    Yes, men carry an “extra” burden here, one that, I think, is outweighed, to say the least, by the physical realities of abortions, pregnancy and labor. Regardless of whether you agree or not, I can’t get too worked up about this “extra” burden when it’s one that is easily avoided by keeping your sperm to yourself.

  4. js

    “Single parenthood is only above being placed in an orphanage for children. Sometimes it works, more often it does not.”

    Citation, please, showing that the only thing worse than all single parenthood is an orphanage, and that all single parents fail more often than they succeed.

    I’d be particularly interested to see proof that all single parenthood is worse than an unhappy or unsafe married parenthood. Or being raised by wolves.

  5. Clarence

    “You trust women the same way you trust anyone else?you get to know them, you learn a lot about them, you let them earn your trust bit by bit, and then you take the leap. Just like men! My god?it?s so crazy, it just might work! I mean, come on. This whole ?wimmins is CRAZY!? shtick doesn?t exactly enhance your argument that you aren?t sexist, no matter how much anecdotal evidence you claim to have in your workplace.”

    I don’t have a gun to your head forcing you to get an abortion. I don’t have legal guns to your head should anything happen during sexual congress.

    Sex and relationships are one area where you have power over me, and I have none over you. As the less powerful one in the relationship, I have to be very very careful about what I do. Unfortunately, people can change over time , and bad behavior on your part will almost always be rewarded.

    Are you claiming, js, that you’ve never dated a guy you thought was nice, and had him turn into a jerk on you? Are you claiming that all your sexual relationships have been perfect? Do you think you have a single former lover you could consider an enemy?

    Well, if you are a man and have any of these things happen to you, you are at risk of either a false report of domestic violence, being forced to support an unwanted and unexpected preganancy, or being assualted (on her word alone) by the other males in her life. And those are just the first things off my head.

    Point being, unless a man rapes you, trust issues with him might hurt your heart but they will hurt nothing else. But trust issues with HER..they could get me imprisoned or enslaved. So it’s harder on me.

    What I’m saying is that dating and relationships are very hazardous to men these days. Not that all women are scum.

    Throwing in charges of sexism about trust issues doesn’t seem to make any sex to me.

  6. Clarence

    “Yes, men carry an ?extra? burden here, one that, I think, is outweighed, to say the least, by the physical realities of abortions, pregnancy and labor. Regardless of whether you agree or not, I can?t get too worked up about this ?extra? burden when it?s one that is easily avoided by keeping your sperm to yourself.”

    And not socializing with women. 2+2 equals four and I think more men than you may like are getting this message. Things don’t have to be this way, they aren’t this way in other countries, and they haven’t been this way in the past. A political backlash is coming, the personal one has already begun. Oh, it’s a little behind Faludi’s hysterical “Backlash”, but it is now out there. I personally, don’t want to return women to the kitchen or ban abortion. But I’ll do all I can to reform the fucked up laws that govern our reproductive choices.

  7. Clarence

    “Throwing in charges of sexism about trust issues doesn?t seem to make any sex to me.”

    sense..sense.. I think I’m gonna go eat 🙂

  8. js

    “Sex and relationships are one area where you have power over me, and I have none over you.”

    Hahahahaha! Woo-hoo, man. That’s AWESOME! The way you just deftly stepped around rape. Well done! *golf claps*

    “Are you claiming, js, that you?ve never dated a guy you thought was nice, and had him turn into a jerk on you? Are you claiming that all your sexual relationships have been perfect? Do you think you have a single former lover you could consider an enemy?”

    Of course I do. I don’t use that as an excuse to condemn all men, though. Unless I’m drunk.

    And, regarding those particular men, I may not run the risk of being dinged with child support as the result of a consensual act which I was aware *could* result in a child that needs to be supported. I do, however, run the risk of being stalked, harassed, beaten, raped or killed, and those are just the ones off the top of *my* head. But really, good luck with that “false report” paperwork.

  9. Roissy

    spanked eeped:

    “[condom stealing]…does the man bear moral (and therefore, should the man bear legal) responsibility for taking care of the child?”

    no.

    “If a woman were to be raped by a man and impregnated, does the woman bear a legal or moral responsibility to the child once it is born?”

    no.

    “What if she finds it abhorent for religios or ethical reasons?”

    her fairy tale beliefs are not my (or the state’s) moral crisis.

    “What if she has been kidnapped and forced to carry the pregnancy to term?”

    c above.

    “What would or should a court decide?”

    cost of abortion goes to rapist/kidnapper, plus whatever hell on earth the executioners of justice can dish out. if abortion is not an option, the mother should be permitted to expose the child at birth.

    i am not kidding.

    “It is a human being, deserving of full rights…”

    are you talking about the fetus? if it’s a human being why does it look like a fried shrimp?

    “But denying child support? That?s not punitive to the mother, or the father, but to the child.”

    abortion is your friend!
    since there is a physical aspect to abortion i would not be opposed to having the man pay for the procedure.
    if she chooses to carry the kid to term, she assumes all financial responsibility for it.
    your problem, spanked, is that you and your ilk ignore incentives. your love of a marxist throwback was a dead giveaway of this peculiar affliction.

    “transform the conception of children into an economic exchange in which men can pay women the cost of an abortion to absolve themselves of any responsibilty to another human.”

    your feminist allies might raise a hairy unibrow at the idea put forward by one of their pantywaist lickspittles that a fetus is human.

    “What if the man offers to provide money for an abortion?”

    it’d be the christian thing to do.

    “Should he be absolved of responsibility?”

    responsibility to what? a fetus?

    “What if he offers, but he finds out after the child has been born?”

    is this what is known as a full-birth abortion?

    “Can the man, with a few hundred dollars, buy his way out of fatherhood?”

    pennies on the dollar.

    “A woman, certainly, could not do that, because she would still have legal obligations to the child”

    if she had no intentions of raising the kid as a single mother on her own financial wherewithal then the man should not be coerced to fork over his money because the mother was too stupid, or too indoctrinated, to get an abortion.

    her choice, her financial obligation.

    “What would a market in fatherhood look like?”

    kinda like it does now, minus the lawyers.

    HTH.

    ps: it’s funny when self-proclaimed feminist hedonists unwittingly reveal their puritan dessicated rotten souls and tell men to “just say no” to sex.

  10. not so fast

    It’s not “just say no” – it’s “pick your target better.” But then, here we are on a site where guys gripe about having to spend time with a woman before getting some ass. 2 dates and out! Yeah, that’s a strong basis to risk your (and someone else’s) future on!

    Wrap it or snip it, and in the meanwhile, zip it!

  11. Clarence

    “Of course I do. I don?t use that as an excuse to condemn all men, though. Unless I?m drunk.”

    Point out where I condemmend all women, or you owe me an apology.
    nd, regarding those particular men, I may not run the risk of being dinged with child support as the result of a consensual act which I was aware *could* result in a child that needs to be supported. I do, however, run the risk of being stalked, harassed, beaten, raped or killed, and those are just the ones off the top of *my* head. But really, good luck with that ?false report? paperwork.

    I’m pretty sure I could find stats that say women “stalk” men was much as men “stalk” women.
    I already mentioned “rape”, why mention it twice? Does it make you *HOT* down there?
    I’m sure every woman gets beaten by her boyfriend.I mentioned me getting beaten first, though, so I’m sure that has to go both ways.
    No men ever get killed by women via poison, proxy, or violence.

    Anyway, you turned what I thought was a good-faith discussion into a victimology contest. And the funny thing is that most of the things you mention happen to men almost as often if not more (except rape unless you add prison stats) and..more to the point.. ARE ALL ILLEGAL. My point was that you have more legal power over me then I do over you.

    In addition, I must wonder if you have multiple personalities as you keep acting as if I say things that I’m sure you must invent in your head.
    I’ve never condemmned all women, at most I’ve asked for “real world” reason why I should trust them as a class with these issues when they have nothing but legal sanction to violate my trust on every level.

    I’ve received no response, just an attack, and with that, I’ll bid you adieu.

  12. js

    “I?d just love js, or anyone, really to give me a reason why I should EVER trust women.”

    This statement, that you can’t think of a reason why you should ever trust “women” because a few women entrap men (I think you said 1-8%), is condemning all women as untrustworthy. So, there you go.

    “Sex and relationships are one area where you have power over me, and I have none over you….But trust issues with HER..they could get me imprisoned or enslaved. So it?s harder on me.”

    As you can see, I didn’t trot out the “who’s the bigger victim” card. You did.

    And the only place you mentioned “rape” was to dismiss it as a valid concern.

    Finally, there is nothing stopping you from filing a false domestic violence report on me, or siccing your friends on me, or what have you. And when we’re talking about child support, I don’t have that power over you–the child does. So pack up your violins playing the World’s Saddest Song and take them with you as you bid me adieu. Good luck with the hookers!

  13. Roissy

    “It?s not ?just say no? – it?s ?pick your target better.?

    remind me again when women started wearing placards announcing their intention to rob a guy blind in case of accidental pregnancy.
    puritan.

    “in the meanwhile, zip it!”

    is this what they’re teaching in the nunnery now?

  14. Stephen(DC)

    Here’s a thought. Be a little discriminating in who you take home. A quality woman wouldn’t pull crazy shit on a quality man, and vice-versa.

    Would I accept any sexual favor from an attractive yet possibly crazy woman? No. I’d accept it from a sane one, but if you play with crazy fire, expect to get burned.

  15. Greg

    What about the persons free choice about whether to give money or not. I was told about a story in the bible when I was young and it said they used to throw people in jail who could not pay the money they owed until they paid it off. Well of course you can’t pay the money if your in jail. I thought how unfair is that, and there was a discussion on how enlightened we were to not have that going on. Of course today that done go on with child support if not paid the person is thrown in jail till they can pay. People sometimes lose there jobs wich would make them unable to pay, then there penalized for not paying. It is an amazing world we live in today. You would think the more educated people were the fairer they might be. I don’t see that as being the case as less educated might go from the gut on things wich might end up being more fair as most of us have some sort of concience inside of us that keeps us from doing bizzare things to people and think it is ok. What happened to the woman’s family helping her take care of the baby. Oh wait there aren’t any that are talked about. It’s always a woman that is by herself, alone, her own chioices alone. She does whatever she wants alone. Raises the kid alone. Single parent with a job raising a kid alone. I would like to see the figures if anyone has them on the violent deaths to woman by a man they knew since the beginning of men being forced into these financial committments to raise a child rather than doing it voluntarily. The child support payments have definetly created a lot of despair among men, at some point what more do they have to lose.

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  17. adrian

    Interesting comments. I haven’t seen any comments from anyone who personally feels that they’ve been trapped.
    Before I ever had sex with my child’s mother I asked “What happens if you get pregnant?”
    Her response was “I’m not trying to trap you”.
    I was foolish enough to have unprotected sex with her and she became pregnant. She then decided to tell me the she “didn’t believe in abortion”. I respect her beliefs but it would have been appropriate to mention that when I asked “What happens if you get pregnant?” Some months after my daughter was born, I asked why she had said that she “wasn’t trying to trap me”. She replied “I didn’t want to scare you off”.
    I felt very uncomfortable about having sex with her for good reason. On one occasion I refused, but got a hand job off her instead. After I had cleaned myself up, I came downstairs to find her retrieving tissues covered in semen. If that doesn’t constitute attempted entrapment what does?
    After that episode I found I became nausious when she attemped to have sex with me. That’s right, something in my unconscious mind would make me vomit at the thought of sex with her. That’s not normal for a male in his early twenties.
    As much as I disliked my child’s mother, being nice to her was the only way to see my daughter without seeking contact through the family court. Being nice to her was honestly like putting cream on shit. As a male, I can’t really complain about the sex, but the whole episode has left me with soome trust issues.
    I asked her about the kleenex episode some months later. This time she retorted “but I was very sick”.

    I guess I caught one the fish that John West rejected. I can’t imagine most women are like that. I believe that dishonesty is just an unfortunate part of human nature, and all of us are capable of it. I also believe that dishonesty mainly propagates where it is tolerated. My objection is that the legal sytem provides no consequence for behaviour that is phsyotic on the part of such women. I get stuck with multiple government departments chasing me, (Child Support, community services, police, family court), while she gets money from me, her other kid’s dad, the government and legal aid. She also can make as many allegations as she likes without being prosecuted for perjury.

    I walked away from my daughter over three years ago. I miss her every day. Inside it feels like a part of me is dead. I hope she’s safe. I sincerely believe that she deserves something better, but I just can’t fight that many gullible bleeding heart goverment departments at once.

    On the bright side, I’ve been able to rebuild my life. I’m not walking on eggshells. No one is undermining me anymore. My daughter’s mother has no power over me anymore because she has nothing that I am willing to bargain for. I’m glad that some other poor shmuck is in her crosshairs and not me.

    As many female respondants have noted, the real victim in all this is the child. I’m relatively free to get on with my life and pursue my goals. My daughter has no say in who her parents are or whether she even gets to see them. Hopefully when she’s old enough to make up her own mind, I’ll be in a stable enough position to be of some benefit to her. I can’t see that spending the next six years fighting the family court, community services and the police could do anything other than drive me to a nervous breakdown and bankruptcy.

    I’d suggest to men to be more careful who they have sex with. Todays males are the only males of any species at any time in history who are forced to take responsibility for their offspring. Maybe this is a good thing, for the sake of children. It presents a challenges, requiring men to say no to sex. It seems that men are stuck with an itch which is biologically redundant in an overpopulated world. That’s not to say I advocate celibacy, or don’t like sex. I’m just more careful about who I have sex with. Child support send me a reminder notice every month of why I should be careful where I dispense my gametes, no matter what reassurances I’m given.

    Adrian.

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