Dear fatties at the gym,

The other day I went for a normal workout and saw a bunch of you at the gym… sweating, grunting, interrupting your workout to talk on the phone. I’ve never seen you before so I’m guessing you made losing weight a New Year’s resolution. Here’s a little 2006 prediction: you will fail. In a matter of weeks (if not days), you will start whining to your fat friends about how you are cursed with a bad metabolism, and how you can’t go to the gym because you don’t have enough time to take off from your busy schedule of watching TV and eating fast-food. “But burgers and fries are so tasty! I love when the fries come fresh out the grease!” You are fat because food owns you. Now please, step aside and stop hogging the incline bench press… you are diluting the value of my gym membership.


(9% body fat)

37 thoughts on “AN OPEN LETTER

  1. Laura

    Luckily, I don’t have to go to the gym to lose weight- reading your blog is usually a sufficient vomit trigger. 🙂

  2. Aja


    1. if you know they will fail, why bother venting, (other than you can this is your blog)?
    2. what is the purpose of a gym, if not for fatties to become less of fatties and potentially hotties?
    3. would you stop dating a hottie if you found out she was once a fattie?

  3. chicbutnotshady

    i loved this blog – so funny! how about the smelly, ‘i only wash my gym wear once a month’ men with the tight lycra pants who think the gym is a surrogate for internet dating. unfortunately, these trolly types tend to hang around intermittantly all year:)

  4. Vicky_Valencourt

    I don’t mind seeing NY Fatties as long as I still see them come early March. Self-awareness, self-improvement are good things, as long as one is not playing gym and taking up ellipticals for no reason.

    I resent the thin NY Gym Wannabies as much as the portly ones. There is nothing worse than a stick-thin sorority girl with the upper body strength of a newborn kitten two-repping her way through the weight circuits. Drink your Diet Coke, skip meals, and binge at TGI Fridays on the weekends to maintain that “thin with no muscle tone physique,” and make room for my pear shape…that at least is healthy and works out regularly.

    These are the girls who will let themselves go immediately after marriage/popping out the first baby and will try to relive their “high school/early college glory weight days” through their hen-pecked daughters.

    Entertaining, as usual, DCB. And props to MM for keeping it real. The haters are jealous, sweetie.

  5. holiday

    Fortunately for you, I made the New Year’s resolution to exercise and haven’t made it once. I always get intimidated by gym rats.

  6. DCB Post author

    “2. what is the purpose of a gym, if not for fatties to become less of fatties and potentially hotties?”

    There are some overweight people who have been going to the gym for a while. They are serious about it and I notice that they are doing well. But there are other people whose only motivation to lose weight is a page flip of the calender. Their desire to be healthy is weak, and it shows because they come to the gym in their expensive workout clothes and spend more time talking than working out. They have no idea what they are doing on the equipment.

    “3. would you stop dating a hottie if you found out she was once a fattie?”

    No but if she suddenly started gaining weight I would be concerned.

  7. Anonymous

    are you really 9% body fat or were u just making it up

    based on ur pictures, you dont seem like you are 9% body fat though…..more like 13-16

  8. oface

    Hahahahaha!! I shouldn’t laugh, I’m happy for people trying to change their lives physically and mentally. I just got back from the gym myself. The “fatties”, were in full effect. I always assumed those people didn’t know how to workout, thats why they stopped going.

  9. Muffin

    I’d like to ring in here, and add that all you women with upper arms that look like hams are near-future fatties.

    You know who you are.

  10. AsianMistress

    I don’t claim to be a fattie or a slimmie, but I do know I have been avoiding the gym in January so I don’t get grouped with the ones who are just going as a resolution…I started going before Jan. 1 thanks.

    You do have to give people credit though who are trying to lose weight…

  11. El Guapo

    Come on. Big women need the amor too! It’s like that story about the starfish. I do not remember the story, but know it is of some significance in this case. Is it bad that I do not know my body fat?

    Mucho Amor,

    El Guapo

  12. jessa j

    women who have body fat lower than like 19% suffer from amenorrhea ? and hormone disruption.

    it’s important for women not to waifs – biologially speaking.

    plus it’s gross.

    give the fatties a chance…

  13. Muffin

    Listen ladies, I appreciate a little body fat – that way your ass-bones don’t punch me over and over in the lower abdominals during sex.

    It’s just that when you limbs look like they could feed African families of 10 for decades, well … that’s when I reach for my 22 YO.

  14. Anonymous

    Sorry but DCB is right. I’ve been going to the gym for probably about 3yrs now and I’m 29. Every year I go through this shit around Jan-end Feb, these newbie people come in by the hundreds and take up every god damn piece of equipment on the floor between the hours of 5pm-7pm. Not only are they not serious about it, but if you watch them they do exercises ass backwards and wrong. You just have to bite your tongue for a couple months, they go away like herpes but … they’ll be back. They are a weak breed, not concerned with their appearance or health, thus they WILL fail. Personality is one thing, health is another. Either go to the gym or don’t, and for christ sakes don’t wait until January!

  15. Andy

    Some of my friends tried quitting smoking as a NY resolution. I was kind enough to tell them that they would fail (before 2006 started). My GF got all mad saying I was negative. However, I explained to her and them that you will only quit if you really want to, and if you really want to, you don’t need an excuse to quit.

  16. Snowy Chicken

    Hi DCB:

    I’m one of the “fatties” who have been going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week since April of last year. I don’t ever use the cell phone or “hog” equipment. Whenever I go to the gym, I secretly fear that all the “normal weight” or super fit people are thinking what you have just expressed on this blog. Last month, a guy walked past me while I was on the recumbent bike and he said, “Pedal faster.” I was embarrassed and for the next week or two, I stayed away from the cardio machines and weight room and instead went to the indoor track on the uppermost floor. Two weeks after this incident, I bumped into the guy in the elevator and he commented that he noticed he sees me a lot in the gym and that the time he saw me on the recumbent bike, I was at the gym for at least 3 hours. After reading your post, I understand that maybe this guy is just laughing at me, thinking why should I bother being at the gym. Maybe he’s taking bets with his friends at when I’ll drop out or when I’ll gain back the 40 pounds I’ve lost thus far.

  17. Frederf

    DCB is the kind of ignorant player that perpetuates negative feelings in people about themselves. Yes, you wanna be healthy. Don’t tollerate unhealth in yourself, but when you’re down to 18% body fat, put down the weights and pick up a book. It will do you better in the long run.

    Women who are obviously “hooked” on the idea that popular media force feeds them are off-putting. It’s like marrying a severly fundementalist Christain.

  18. fanman

    Working out and reading arn’t mutually exclusive. As for the negative feelings, someone needs to put them there. These feelings are the fuel for change. It’s getting completely fed up with your level of physical fitness to the point that you resolve to “get it handled no matter what” (e.g. even if people at the gym are laughing at you for being fat) that will ultimately solve this issue.

  19. Gary

    “Hey DCB, maybe you should eat a few more burgers and fries, and put a little weight on that frame of yours.


    The Captain
    (15-inch biceps)”

    Please lardboy. DCB is the shiza and I bet he’d whoop your faggot ass.

  20. spcwby


    I have great respect for ANYONE who is overweight (I’m 5’11” and a BMI of 30, which classes me @ borderline obese male who hits the cardo/yoga six days a week. Muscle is building, weight stays the same) and makes effort to workout as their pathway is a lot tougher than the executive-wife gym rat professional (who, after dumping the kids to daycare/or has a nanny) who loves to show off her abs with the newest outfit. Talk about competition amongst women? Whew……alas, I lasped for a monment!

    Btw For those who can (still) read:

    “In the 30-plus years that Richard Atkinson has been studying obesity, he has always maintained that overeating doesn?t really explain it all. His epiphany came early in his career, when he was a medical fellow at U.C.L.A. engaged in a study of people who weighed more than 300 pounds and had come in for obesity surgery. ?The general thought at the time was that fat people ate too much,? Atkinson, now at Virginia Commonwealth University, told me recently. ?And we documented that fat people do eat too much ? our subjects ate an average of 6,700 calories a day. But what was so impressive to me was the fact that not all fat people eat too much.?

    One of Atkinson?s most memorable patients was Janet S., a bright, funny 25-year-old who weighed 348 pounds when she finally made her way to U.C.L.A. in 1975. In exchange for agreeing to be hospitalized for three months so scientists could study them, Janet and the other obese research subjects (30 in all) each received a free intestinal bypass. During the three months of presurgical study, the dietitian on the research team calculated how many calories it should take for a 5-foot-6-inch woman like Janet to maintain a weight of 348. They fed her exactly that many calories ? no more, no less. She dutifully ate what she was told, and she gained 12 pounds in two weeks ? almost a pound a day………..”

  21. Country Chicken

    Since my last posting in April 2006, I have now lost a total of 70 pounds from going to the gym. I used to be self-conscious and now I’m no longer that way. I love it when people who used to give me dirty looks because I was overweight now take a second look at me in an envious way. If I weren’t polite, I’d tell these sacks of bones to move over and stop hogging the cardio machines for hours because *they* dilute the value of my gym membership. I pay as much money as anyone else with the same gym membership, and I have as much right to work out as anyone else.

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  23. Jennifer

    You’re pretty shallow. Sure, I’m not out looking to date a fat guy, but to regard overweight people as if they don’t deserve to be treated as well as other human beings is a pretty loathsome behavior.

    I don’t have a weight problem, but I don’t look at myself like I’m better than people who do.

    Isn’t it bad enough what women have to be subjected to from our mainstream media sources, without having to read your posts and feel worse about themselves?

  24. HA HA HA

    Hi. I am a fattie, and this shit is just funny. It is true that a lot of fatties hit the gym and take up usable space when they are just going to give up later. But hey, for the females, there’s curves, where women don’t tend to be as rude to other women for working out, we know how hard it is to keep off weight. And yes, you may still be single for some views like this, but it’s funny stuff. Keep my bowl full of jelly jiggling. And ps, just because you are fat does not mean you are ugly, dear god people, realize that even a size 14 can be hot. And props to the fatties who hit the gym and make it!

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