This question usually comes after the girl has decided she wants to kiss you. She wants to make sure she is not being played. She wants to make sure she is making the right decision. She wants assurance that you will not pump and dump her.

There really is no wrong way you can answer this question. Yes, no, maybe. She has already made up her mind that you are a player and there is nothing you can do to change that. (The fact that she sticks around can very well mean that your player vibe is drawing her in.) Generally, though, you don’t want girls to think you are a player. Their guard goes up higher and you have to work that much harder.

If you get asked this question often, you have to think about what qualities you are putting out that make girls come to that conclusion. To find this out, simply respond with “Why do you say that?” They will usually list a couple things you do that set off a red flag. All you gotta do now is be more aware, adjusting your game so that eventually you become a sleeper. You want to appear to be such a normal guy when you are really the filthiest man in the club. She won’t know what hit her.

23 thoughts on ““ARE YOU A PLAYER?”

  1. KassyK

    AHH the patented “Play nice and then screw em over”…I’ve seen it all before…but it still works for a Pump and Dump scarily. Bc ultimately its tricking someone into thinking you are something your not…and most girls at heart want a nice boy. The guys that are secret players and play nice…they are the ones that turn women bitter. Believe me–I’ve seen it over and over again.

    Its like the girl that seems so ideal and then you find out she’s fucked 350 men…in the past month.

  2. Anonymous

    “To find this out, simply respond with ?Why do you say that?? They will usually list a couple things you do that set off a red flag. All you gotta do now is be more aware, adjusting your game so that eventually you become a sleeper. You want to appear to be such a normal guy when you are really the filthiest man in the club. She won?t know what hit her.”


    that’s so awesome.

  3. TC the Terrible

    The answer is to put the ball back in her court when she asks such a dumb question. If she goes there come back with something like “Are you the type that likes to be with a player?” Then she’s forced to chose between looking like a prude, or like a slut. Either way the monkey is now on her back and you have room to operate.

  4. Anonymous

    how would you answer if a broad asked you if you were a bro with a flipped collar who used to be in a frat? lie?

  5. Chaco

    The correct answer to that question is never \”yes\”, even if a girl wants a player subconsciously. And yes, there are such times when a girl wants a player. Just after a serious relationship that ended badly for example. Or after a dry spell of no sex for a while. Girls then want a guy who will make bold phyical moves and not get too clingly afterwards.

  6. Single in the City

    Signs that a guy is a player:
    – he only makes weeknight dates (and no more than once a week)
    – he takes you the same bar/area time after time (he probably relegates other girls to other areas – players never want to cross the streams)
    – you get a text that says, “where are you?” (which he sends out to at least 2 dozen girls, finding the nearest prey)
    – he never answers his cell phone (conversely, a bad player will forget to turn his ringer off and the phone will go off all night)
    – he always wants to go back to YOUR place
    – if you do make it to his apartment, he has a gross of condoms in his bedside table (and a few to spare in his wallet) and/or…
    – …you find any female items in his apartment that don’t belong to you (jewelry, hair clips, a thong…)
    – you have ever witnessed him *wink* (at you or anyone else)
    – he travels a lot and is inaccessible when not in town (natch, he is not wasting time and is playing girls in other cities)
    – from time to time he can offer spur of the moment plans (see the “where are you?” text above), but can never accept any that you may offer (he’s already booked with one of the other dozen women)
    – he forgets important details of previous conversations and/or tells you the same story more than once

    I’m sure I’m leaving some other important signs out. Anybody have more?

  7. Raincouver

    Single… that’s quite a comprehensive list! As for more signs…hmmmm… Kassy, can you retell the story of the first time DCB hit on you?


  8. Jane A

    Have some balls and say “I like to date and have fun. Are you interested?” Then a girl knows without you looking like a nerd by saying yes. She also know whether she just wants just sex and have no expectations. If she’s asked the question, she’ll probably still want to sleep with you after that if you give her a great kiss at that moment. Just keep seducing her.

  9. KassyK

    RainC-AHHH the retell…DCB was right, it was a standard meet and greet type thing ALTHOUGH I will say that as a girl remembering all the crazy minute details (its been mentioned here before–we do bizarrely remember these weird things)…there was some honest banter with true intentions mentioned. Went something like this:

    -After chatting for a bit–

    DCB: So can I get your number and we’ll meet up for drinks or something?

    Me: I don’t know, I am just coming out of a relationship, I’m not really ready for anything right now.

    DCB: Oh no, me either. I’m just saying, We’ll date for a month and have a great time and that will be exactly what you need. (wink wink)

    OK I added in the wink wink part. But when guys are up front even in jest it makes for a more intriguing convo. And look where it led…blog buds for life right?


  10. DCB Post author

    your memory is awful that is NOT how it went down! not even close!

    1. i never ever say ?can i get your number?

    2. i never presuppose by saying ?have a great time?, ?exactly what you need?

    you must have me confused for some other guy

  11. KassyK

    Ok so I was drunk. Lol.

    HAHAHA but it was SOMETHING along those lines…upfront and honest but humorous as well. I didn’t think you were a maniac that would butcher me in my sleep.

    Basically a good pick up tactic–take props where I am giving them DCB–they don’t come often from me to a guy BELIEVE me.

  12. hedonistic

    Generally, when a man answers a DIRECT question with an INDIRECT answer, you can be sure the real answer is the one you didn’t want to hear. One day I just up and asked my boyfriend, “So, what do (the other women) do for you that I don’t?”

    He said, “Why are you asking me this?” :redface:


    He never did admit to what I was accusing him of, but I broke up with him anyway.

    (Good one DCB, good one. It’ll work on the young ones.)

  13. Lin

    Players honestly make me laugh. Is it really that hard to just talk to a girl a few hours a day? And do they really need to fuck a bunch of girls when they have one they could fuck as much as they want?

    To me it all sounds stupid. They are putting more hard work into tiny, multiple relationships rather an easy, serious relationship. In conclusion, men are stupid.

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