Author Archives: Chaco


Do you ever feel like people appear in our lives as messengers to teach us fundamental lessons of life? We may not recognize the value of their wisdom at the time, but later we look back and realize they were sending us a message we needed to hear. A few years ago I had such a prophet appear to me in the form of a DC cab driver.

I was working late one night downtown and decided to take a cab home rather than the Metro. The taxi driver was an American black guy, probably in his late 30’s. I was pretty tired and sunk down in the back seat, but not 30 seconds into the ride, he started talking to me.

Cab driver: “What’s up, man?”

Chaco: “Not much.” I didn’t want to talk.

Cab driver: “Man, my girl was a BITCH last night” (he emphasized the word “bitch” in the way only a black man can).

Chaco: “Oh?”, I said meekly, really not wanting to hear about it, but it seemed he had a lot to get off his chest.

Cab driver: “Yeah man, a bitch! And you know why, right?”

Chaco: “Uh…No?” Because you’re the kind of guy who calls his girlfriend a “bitch”?

Cab driver: “Because I didn’t give it to my bitch the night before. You know bitches get all bitchy when you don’t give it to them, right?!”

Actually, no, I didn’t know that. How could I know? At the time, I had no game. Like zero. Therefore, my first thought upon hearing this dude complain about his woman acting bitchy because he had not “given it to her” was to think, “This brother needs some sensitivity training.” In fact, I even debated whether I should let him know he should be more sensitive to women. After all, not only was he calling his girlfriend a “bitch,” he was speaking of having sex with her rather crudely. In the end, I decided that my first priority was to get home safely and not pick a fight with this dude who might throw me out of his cab in a bad neighborhood late at night, so I retreated from the high moral ground and let him do his thing.

He continued…

Cab driver: “Damn, them bitches get so bitchy when you don’t give it to them.”

Chaco: “Uh…yeah?”.

Cab Driver: “I guess I should have just given it to her.”

Chaco: “Yeah…maybe”

Cab Driver: “That’ll teach my ass a lesson – next time, give it to the bitch or they get bitchy on your ass!”

He went on like this for the remaining 10 minutes of the cab ride. It was all he talked about and he never stopped. I made it safely home and I figured I should be satisfied with that, even if I did have to suffer through the rantings of an insensitive cab driver.

But then something strange started to happen. I began to tell my friends the story (in casual company) and expected to end up in deep debates about the state of gender relations in our society. Instead, I was shocked by the response of my female friends: every one laughed and said, “Yeah, that’s true.”

What?! Where was the outrage? Where were the calls for mandatory sensitivity training starting in 6th grade? I couldn’t believe it. In high school I had been one of those guys who thought girls didn’t enjoy sex. I mean, they were always saying “no,” so they must not like it, right? In college, I actually believed my sexual harassment training that “no means no” 100% of the time. I had always tried to be respectful of women, and being respectful meant not making any physical moves too soon, least I might “offend” them and they would think I was some date raping pig. The only girls I had dated to that point had basically thrown themselves at me.

Later on in life I realized that I needed to develop some game, and once I started making progress, the truth of the cab drivers words became clear to me. I have now come to believe that women care more about sexual satisfaction than men. Women may be pickier about who they sleep with, but once they pick you, they will want sex more badly than most men. It still kind of amazes me at times, but it has been such a consistent observation that I can’t believe anything otherwise.

Sometimes I still remember that cab driver and think the universe was sending me a message I needed to hear. My genes were at great risk of never being passed on, so the gods sent someone to plant a seed of truth in me. And since then, every girlfriend of mine has eventually heard the story about that cab driver and responded the same way: she laughs and says, “Yeah, that’s true.”


I thought I would make some history in my first official DCB post: I will write about relationships. Who ever thought they would see a post about *that* around here?

I used to love playing the game. I loved the anticipation of adventure each night out brought. I enjoyed the personal challenge of risking my ego on each approach. I found satisfaction in gaining the interest of attractive women who had been strangers to me just minutes before. And then there are those moments of triumph when everything fell into place and neither one of you wanted the night to end. Man, me and my wings thought this was the life and those guys in the dating world were chumps for buying dinners and presents for their girlfriends who would then spend “girls nights out” in Adams Morgan grinding (and sometimes plenty more) with player dudes on the dance floor.

But funny how time changes things. After what seemed an endless blur of nights out, I started to grow increasingly frustrated with the costs of the game. Mindless conversations with drunk girls who can’t focus on anything for more than 30 seconds. Smoky bars that seem like certain lung cancer incubators. Feeling like I wanted to sleep on the floor of my office due to too many nights out past 2:00 AM per week. And the bane of every player’s existence: the flakes. There were times when I got a phone number from a girl who seemed so interested when she gave it to me that I wanted to notch my belt in advance, only to have her never return my phone call.

Right in the midst of my growing frustration, it happened: I met a girl I really liked. No, not my current girl, but the girl who made everything that happened with my current girlfriend possible. She was fun, shared many of my interests, and treated me very well. Though I kept on going out to bars and clubs for part of the time we dated (she and I had “an understanding” about our lives apart from each other), pretty soon, the drunk girls in bars seemed far less tolerable. Why should I be out in these smoky bars until 2:00 or 3:00 AM talking to girls who I didn’t have any feeling for or any real possibility of forming a connection with? Why wouldn’t I rather being spending my time with a sweet girl who would treat me well and assure me a good time?

After a year it didn’t work out with that particular girl, but I had changed. I wanted a serious girlfriend now. I wanted someone who could make me happy on every level. When I met my current girl and everything between us was perfect in every way, the game didn’t stand a chance. I had found a super smart girl who has her act together, never plays games, and treats me like a king (and she is damn cute too). I stopped going out to bars, committed myself to perfect exclusivity, and never regretted the decision. The symbolic end of my personal player era came one night at club with my girlfriend. We were ordering drinks and I saw two guys approaching two girls just as I and my wings might have in the past. I pointed it out to her and perhaps I seemed wistful, because she asked “Do you miss it?” I thought for a moment and said truthfully, “No, this is better.”

I have heard some say that guys settle down with the first girl they date once they become ready for marriage. I am not so sure that is true, at least not always. I think some guys grow up assuming they will marry the first great girl they meet and never play the game. Other guys have to go through this ‘playing the field’ process until they grow fed up with it. In my case, it was a combination of becoming ready emotionally after playing the field and, through luck and good karma, meeting someone who was ideal for me. If I had not met someone as great as my girlfriend, who knows, I might still be out there searching for that special one.

If you girls out there are searching for Mr. Right, don’t give up on a guy who has a player past, even a recent one. Check first to see how he feels about the game and give him a chance to see you as a better alternative. Giving that type of guy a chance might be the best move you ever made.