Author Archives: Miss Metropolis

POWER TO THE SMARTIES

So, I was eating with some friends today. You know, afternoon margaritas and conversations about world peace, Paris Hilton tantrums, Jennifer Aniston’s coke habit, Angelina Jolie’s mental health, and botox. You know, girl stuff.

Then, all of a sudden – out of the blue – this chick, sitting at the table next to us, sticks her hand in her glass and starts flicking her date in the face with what appeared to be some ice-cold H2O. The guy is just sitting there and taking it.

Ummm, OK. We look at each other like … wtf?

He tries to say something, then she starts doing the z-formation pointy thing in his face, as she moves her head opposite her hand, and totally chews him out. “You. Shut. Up.”

She is all dressed up in high heels, tight jeans, sequined top and mismatched Louis Vuitton purse. And, it’s 1 p.m. The guy, obviously a techie, has on those hot, square-framed glasses that I love on men and cute spiky blonde hair.

Then, she puts her hand in the glass of water again and flicks his face. This time, she gets him in the eye.

About two (long) minutes of attitude later, the couple quietly got up and left.

As they walked out, one of my friends asked, “What just happened?”

I said, “We just witnessed a soon-to-be-dumped-by-a-hot-geek gutterslut biatch in action.”

Ladies, take my advice: The sexy look may get you a date or two with a hot geek man, but sooner or later your guttersluttiness will shine through.

Yes, before you know it, he will realize you cannot spell – and, he is going to dump your ass for a smart-n-sexy hottie like Cat Schwartz who will most definitely blog about their honeymoon in Kauai for the entire world to see.

:bow: Power to the smart people!

I GOT TAGGED

Circle V tagged my ass! (It’s a b-thang.)

Four Jobs You Have Had:
1.) Senior class president
2.) Kool-Aid stand cashier
3.) Cheerleader
4.) American Idol viewer

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:
1.) Pulp Fiction
2.) The Thomas Crown Affair
3.) The Matrix
4.) The Silence of the Lambs

Four Places You’ve Lived:
1.) Arlington, Va.
2.) Washington, D.C.
3.) Alexandria, Va.
4.) Bethesda, Md.

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch:
1.) Sex and the City
2.) Blow Out
3.) The OC
4.) Las Vegas

Four Places You’ve Been On Vacation:
1.) Fiji
2.) Disneyland
3.) Toronto
4.) Walt Disney World

Four Of Your Favorite Foods:
1.) Brownies
2.) Cucumber Salad
3.) Italian wedding soup
4.) Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Ice Cream

Four Places You’d Rather Be Right Now:
1.) Little Dix Bay
2.) The Alps with my friends and a fireplace
3.) In bed with Leonardo DiCaprio (near a fireplace)
4.) Avenue Montaigne

Four Sites I Visit On The Daily:
1.) slate.com
2.) dcbachelor.com
3.) etrade.com
4.) facebook.com

Four Bloggers You Are Tagging:
1.) RuPaul
2.) Lockhart Steele
3.) Miu von Furstenberg
4.) Tie between Moby and Ze Frank 🙂

:banana:

THE THING ABOUT IMPLANTS

The other day, as I tried on a hot bustier (and realized I might need a little boosting) I thought … “it’s times like these when I wish I had some implants.”

It’s not that I want to look like some cheap trick, or that I want to flash my melons at Mardi Gras. And, I don’t want some big things bouncing up and down when I jog, and poking me when I try sleep on my tummy. But, just for one day, I’d like go sans bra without sacrificing that freshly pushed-up-and-in ooh la la that those lovely padded brassieres provide.

That’s the thing about implants. They’d make a neat accessory, but …

  • You can’t try them on before you buy … and, uh, who in their right mind would pay $15K for something they cannot test-drive first?
  • A doctor has to cut you open to install these babies – and sometimes, they cut your nipples right off! Who in the hell would let someone cut their nipples off, and then sew them back on later? Uhhh … one word: frankenipple!?!
  • If you don’t like them after you buy, or if they do not fit the way you’d like, you cannot return them as easily as a pair of shoes.
  • Fake boobs for extra cleavage? Pfft!! That’s the Wonderbra’s job.

So, to make a long story short (which could detail my visit to a strip club to see the weird fake girls ‘n boobs, my three-hour before-and-after photo session, the teardrop vs. round debate, my interviews with local plastic surgeons, and my follow-up appointment with awfulplasticsurgery.com): no cute top or push-up dream is worth going under the knife. These B’s are here to stay.

Besides, DCB says I have “ass,” and that’s what’s important.

TONE DEAF OR TONE-LOC?

I just took the Distorted Tunes Test. According to the results, I Got It Goin’ On with a fine sense of pitch.

So, have you got your ears on … or, are you tone deaf, Wild Thing?

Only 1 in 10,000 people have perfect pitch, nevertheless … it’s a fun, little quiz. And, it will be lots of fun for those still hungover on that New Year’s Funky Cold Medina. :crazy:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Dear DCB fans,

Sorry I didn’t get to write anything yesterday. I was traveling. Viva Las Vegas!!

I hope that everyone has a very happy New Year! See you in 2006!

Hugs and kisses,
Miss Metropolis

P.S. Word on the street is that the big DCB is back in the D of C. Yay!! Holla! :bow:

SWEET SUCCESS

Meet Rick Schwartz.

He’s the guy who runs candy.com, and makes thousands a month via Adsense.

The site design is basic. Content? There’s not much. And, the rest of it? Well, the the site is basically one big Adsense ad.

Google recently featured Candy.com – a domain Schwartz bought in May 2002 for $108,000 – as one of its successes.

So, what’s the Schwartz secret? Type-in traffic, otherwise known as direct navigation.

At a time when everyone is all about “organic listings” and SEO, it turns out that millions of Internet users don’t search at all. Nope. Thanks to AOL and its popular keywords, instead, many surfers type what they’re looking for right into Web browser’s address bar, then click go!

The first time I heard about this, I was like — no way! But, after purchasing one simple IE keyword for $15k/year, one of my sites went from bam to schazaaam … in one day flat, pulling in more than 100k visitors the day the direct navigation took effect. This is when I realized that Rick, a.k.a. Domain Name Kingpin, was not completely crazy (he also owns porno.com – you gotta watch out for those pr0n owners).

So, as more and more keyword-trained AOL dial-upers make the switch to high speed, more and more Internet surfers will be typing in what they want instead of searching … because they don’t know how to use a real Web browser.

Call it lame. Call it insane. Nevertheless, it’s going to mean more cha-ching and bling-bling for the Web playazzz. OWNED!

BACHELORETTE IN THE CITY

After months of living like a bachelor (no pots, no pans, Chinese takeout on speed dial) , I have decided to buy some furniture.

I don’t really need a place to sit – other than at my desk. And, I already have my bedroom the way I want it. But, after a long-time D.C. bachelor came to visit me this weekend and said, “Wow … you are more of a bachelor than I am,” as he eyed my condom collection, and then walked into my naked living room, it became blatantly obvious: I need to step it up a notch in the home furnishings department.

Right now, I have a very clean slate. Randy McGovern would have a field day. Regarding space, oh, you might say I have some to fill. My living room consists of a fireplace, some recessed lighting, a balcony that overlooks the pool (might need a chair for this area … good hottie-watching spot) and walls, several bare walls.

So, as you make your New Year’s resolutions this week, know that I’ve already started to work on mine. Instead of putting 150% of myself into work, I plan to take a good 10% of my time and put it into planning the perfect living space.

And, if that doesn’t work, I’ll pick up the phone and call Kerry Joyce.

But, I am doing the living room and that’s it. Because nobody, and I mean nobody – not even that cutesy Kerry – will convince me that I have room in my life for anything more kitchenesque than a French press.

I am sooo not turning into a home-makeover Charlotte.