My How To Get Free Starbucks post has been the most popular thing I’ve ever written, with over 5,000 views in two weeks. I thought it was kinda funny because the idea for it – which I thought was only mediocre – was sitting in my little memo book for a couple months. There has been a lot of comments about it here and on Starbucks Gossip, and I just came across my favorite one:

Jeez, DC Bachelor, when do we get the primer on how to shoplift and do a dine-and-dash at a restaurant? Oh, and I’ve been thinking about knocking over a liquor store; any pointers?

What an ass.


The irony of all this is that I don’t order coffee from Starbucks anymore; I only get their muffin’s and dessert bars.

15 thoughts on “BEST COMMENT EVER

  1. Torn

    I’m conflicted. On the one hand, what you are advocating is theft. And theft is clearly wrong.

    On the other hand (and like the song says):

    “Starbucks sucks!

    Tastes like piss and costs big bucks,
    I hate Starbucks, Starbucks sucks.
    Tastes like piss and costs big bucks,
    I hate Starbucks, Starubucks sucks.

    I don’t need your fancy cup!
    My Tim Horton’s fills me up.
    I don’t need your filthy cup!
    Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

    Just one sip and you will chuck,
    Fuck you, Starbucks. You suck.
    Just one sip and you will chuck,
    Fuck you, Starbucks. You suck.
    Fuck you, Starbucks. You suck.
    Fuck you, Starbucks. You suck.”

  2. J.P.

    What’s funny to me is people saying Starbucks coffee tastes bad. It almost always seems to be the people who think that Tim Hortons, or Dunkin Donuts Coffee is the best coffee out there (which they inevitably think because it is so full of sugar and cream). Not that I don’t occassionally have a dunkin coffee, but it’s not exactly world class.

    I no longer go to Starbucks (no that I was ever an every day type of guy), but there are tons more local roasters around here and their coffees have more rich and subtle taste than SB. Nonetheless, to say that Starbucks tastes awful tells me you probably really like nescafe or something.

  3. Alexa

    Yes, those 5,000 views must have tasted sweet, but what have you done lately my friend? I suggest some serious PR…maybe a billboard on your bike when you zip around town, yes? Maybe, a link on other sites with heavy traffic might turn out to be the fastest and most direct path back to that momentary, yet addicitve glimpse of adolation, no?

  4. DCB Post author

    alexa: chill with your trolling. i do this site for me and my friends first. if something i write is popular (like sbux post) then great, but im not going to whore my site out there for meaningless hits

  5. J.P.

    Why don’t you email him a nude photo of yourself Alexa, that is sure to draw the most hits of all time. :rolleyes:

  6. James

    JP: Yeah, that drives me nuts too. The others are coffee-flavoured, and they’re tasty. But real coffee tastes different than Tim’s or DD.

  7. Anonymous

    Here’s another trick to get a coupon. Go to a busy *$ with a friend. Order different drinks with different sizes. When your order come up, take a sip and tell the guy something like this :
    I ordered a venti mocha and a grande latte but you just gave me a venti latte and a grande mocha. If your lucky, you’ll probably get a coupon.

  8. Goodburger

    you are dumb! i can’t believe you posted a guide to stealing coffee without including the $100 bill trick:

    try to pay with a c-note, and when the cashier says he/she can’t accept it, (a relatively new company policy) search your pockets frantically for another bill, then pretend to get flustered and upset because it’s the only money you have.


    try it. it works. every time.

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