I’m currently working on the second shirt which I’d like to release early in July. Here is the shirt’s image:

(Ironically this was designed by a woman.)

I thought my caption of “Don’t Marry American” was a lock, but now I’m having doubts. I think I want it to be more an assault on marriage than just American women. Other ideas:

-Don’t Get Married
-Don’t Marry
-Get A Pre-Nup (Credit: Cookie)
-Save Money For Hookers
-Your Future Wife

They are all so good… I don’t know which one to pick. If you come up with something better and I use it, I’ll send you the first shirt for free.

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Stay Single
Pro-Divorce
End the Institution of Marriage
Unhappily Ever After

Riiight since all men stay so attractive as they age, whether they stay single or get married. Considering that there are are significant number of men in their late twenties and thirties with beer guts and receeding hair lines talking about the good ole days banging college girls when they were undergrads, maybe you need to reconsider your assumption that time stands still for me. Two words: COMB OVER. For a signifincant number of men, its coming whether they like it or not.

I believe my other idea was something to the affect of… “ask Pierce Brosnan.”

Too specific.

dude definitely keep it “don’t marry american” — your initial instinct is so spot on it’s uncanny. as a guy who’s a bit more international and cultured than the regular beta-male idiot who gets a hard-on for shitty sugary shot night at tom tom club, I know that genetically, american women are the absolute worst of the world lot. fat, spoiled, fat, arrogant, fat, dimwitted, fat, ignorant, fat, poorly styled, fat, conversationally stunted, fat, culturally illiterate, fat — did i mention fat? you will rarely find these qualities in prime women from other countries. ever been to a world bank/imf party and seen how ridiculously hot and fun the talent is compared to the red, white, and blue skanks you see packing local 16 on any given night? i’ve been through south america, canada, western and eastern europe, asia, and i’m hitting the middle east soon. outside the U.S., EVERYWHERE i go the women are hot, smart, fit, fun, unpretentious, and actually enjoy it if you say hello, talk, drink, dance, smile, and have fun around them. if it weren’t for the temporary phase of my career that keeps me momentarily grounded here in the states, i’d gladly be on virgin upper class relocating for good to another stable democracy of my choice. hear that jill, lisa, taylor, or whatever the hell your whitetrash midwest name is? now gotta get back to my chilled vodka — IMPORTED vodka at that.

I agree with Ribald. Often first ideas are the best.

“‘Til Breadth Do Us Part.”

marriage - it does a body bad
marriage means keeping up your end of the bargain
pump, plump, and dump
vows lead to cows

How about “My Wife comes with padding” or “My Wife comes with a air bag”…….or “Lose your beauty” or “My wife wants a matching stomach for her ass” or “My wife hates being cold” or ” Fast food is killing me” or “Craig Jenny” or “I support Celibacy”

“Ask about our two month’s salary guideline.”

My favorites are:

pump, plump, and dump
Get a prenup
Unhappily ever after

“Don’t marry american” might hurt your sales to guys who do like american girls who might otherwise have bought the shirt. I don’t know if you are in this for money but it’s a consideration.

man “till breadth do us part” is genius, NON

This happens when you cut your hair

Evolution of Marriage
Marital Darwinism
Yes, I’m a little shallow.
They Plump when you marry them
Married Women stop Exercising
Reason #425 not to ever say ‘i do’

Diamonds ? they make women fat.
Wives end up looking like their mothers.
Kids are calories too.
Play now, pay later.
Wives are shade in the summer, warmth in the winter.

“It’s not just her mother”

1) front: They plump when you pump them
back: I pump and dump

2) This is what happens when she let’s you do anal

Did you hear about the new Sorority Girl Barbie?

When you put a ring on her finger, her hips expand.

Gee, I wonder if any of you young child-men ever wonder if men talked this was about your mothers, sisters, aunts, etc.

From the way you describe us American women, you’d think we were ALL the same, ALL the time. Talk about generalizing. The fact is Mr Ribald can only judge what he has experienced in his universe of women, which I am SURE does not include the ENTIRE global population of women. Mr. Ribald, I suggest you pick up better American women, rather than writing them all off. I guess that takes too much effort. Hmmm.. I wonder if all American men are lazy….

“meet her mother first”

beer, shot , alcoholic

Some of the lines that reference a woman getting fatter after marriage would work a lot better if there was a diamond ring on the woman’s hand. I’m not talking rhinestones embossed on the shirt or anything, but…

I got it: “Only the diamond is forever!” or “Diamonds are forever”

20, 30, 40 - every second another another teenager has her 18th birthday

“A diamond adds 50 pounds”

for better, for worse, till death

Evolution of women

This is your life.

Fight the Future

I totally agree with this post. Married women generally let themselves go. I bet all the guys who chimed in have fat mothers themselves though. However, men go bald and can’t get their dicks hard, so things even out. I am and will remain the first picture, not because of men but because I am so completely vain, I enjoy checking out my hot body. Whatever, fat people are disgusting, they eat like pigs and don’t exercise. Therefore, fat people are also stupid, because they spend all their time trying to figure out how to lose weight, when they need to just stop eating and start working out.

“I hit that, you married it.”

Some of these are f-ing brilliant! Chalk up more votes for:

Evolution of Marriage
Diamonds ? they make women fat.
Play now, pay later.
It?s not just her mother

If I could come up with/and sell a shirt about how I seek European men because American men don’t know how to administer good cunninlingus, I would make millions!

“Once….Twice….Three Times the Lady…..”

I like cookie’s suggestion, but thus far I think that ANON caption is the best: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.

Howabout “American Woman”.

Awesome.

“A diamond adds 50 pounds” and “don’t marry american” are my favorites.

I like it as it is, without a caption. You should try selling the shirts with caption and without. But if I had to pick one, I like “A diamond adds 50 pounds” best.

“Who Knew Carat’s Were Fattening…”

That design is also great because as the woman gets fatter, her hair gets shorter. So true. When women get older, for some reason they think that they’ll look better with short hair. What the fuck. So nothing goes with back fat and a gut like a haircut like man?

-Eating for two never ends
-iMom

C’mon, Deceeb. Your original title of “Don’t Marry American” was perfection. (BTW, I’m headed to the Ukraine next month to hook up with a hot 6′, 145 lb. volleyball player….)

I got engaged in January and I actually amped up my workouts since then and am now currently in the best shape of my life. I’m not stupid, I know he can always take it back. But really, we want to look good for each other because we love each other. It’s not that hard to figure out. I work from home, and I COULD sit around in my pajamas all day and stuff my face. Instead, I work out, eat well, and make sure that I look nice when he comes home. I am an American woman, but laziness is not acceptable in my book.

Oh snap, I just now realized what it should be:

“American Beauty”

The original of “Don’t marry American” isn’t witty enough. It’s too sentence-like, and the phraseology is bad although I like the sentiment of it.

For your the label of your new T-shirt, how about, “The Stages of Love”….

Lots of good ones here. This is going to be a very tough decision.

Because of the way the image is set up, as a progression of one woman, the tag should have something that lets people know this is the same woman. Otherwise a caption like “American Beauty” is very clever.

“American Made”
“Don’t Buy American”

Walking down the aisle is the last exercise she’ll get.

“Made in USA”

Your anti-american women I don’t think is shared or understood by enough people to be effective. I think a lot of people won’t get it if you go with that.

Women getting fat after getting married and having kids is universal.

hmmm… maybe if you put a graphic of a right-pointing arrow after the first and second images, that may help convey the idea that this is the same woman?

Diamonds make her wider.

in memory of your old caption -
‘the evolution of a spinster’

although my fav is your future wife or something to the effect of your girlfriend in a few years.

i think this will terrify men everywhere!

evolution of marriage

I still like “A diamond adds 50 lbs”

The made in USA is good, but women getting fat after marriage isn’t just an american thing. Look at Canada and the UK.

keep wifey fit by making her mow the lawn during football sundays

If your women loves you she should consider it a priviledge to only have to mow your lawn in the sweltering heat to be with you

T-shirt: “your future ex-wife”

Diamonds are for suckers.

how bout…

“my husband fucked me, and all I got was phat”

or

19

25

35

signed a 35 year old struggling with her own vanity after 2 children….

How about “Big Love: The Sucker’s Version”?

Diamonds are forever is so good

I like the “evolution” suggestions. How about “evolution of a wife.”

This is your girlfriend. This is your girlfriend on marriage. Any questions?

“I’d Rather Masturbate.”

how about…

“Only diamonds are forever”

“I hit that, you married it” gave me a chuckle. I got nothin’…

“It’s a trap!”

Just like her mother.

Rock it Kanye style:

“We want pre-nupt!”

I like ArmyWife’s idea of a timeline, but I think it should be more cruel, along the lines of 1 month, 3 months, 6 months.

A fat woman walked into a shoe store, and asked for something she’d be comfortable in. Jokingly, I suggested Wyoming…

Don’t become a Fatass! Become a M.I.L.F. instead!

Now is this really fair to your husband?

Not all moms have to end up like this!

Come on wives, have some self-respect!

No wonder the divorce rate is so high!

Oh yeah, I can talk shit. I am a wife and mother of a 2 year-old little boy. I lost ALL of the weight within three months of having my son and was (and still am) in my pre-pregnancy size. I am a size 2, 5′5, 110 lbs., no stretch marks and no sagging skin either. I gained
a lot of weight with my pregnancy, (I was put on bed-rest for 5 months), and weighed 170 lbs. when my son was born. So, it is possible to gain weight, have a healthy baby, and maintain a sense of yourself. Please ladies, don’t just let yourselves go! Having kids is no excuse!

something that shows timeline is important, like the evolution thing..monkey to ape to man, than just 3 women at different stages IMHO

I mean its the same woman, but you got to show arrows or something

[...] I finally decided on the slogan for the new shirt. It’s something that hasn’t been mentioned. At first I wanted these shirts to make a statement like Pump and Dump, but now I think I’m feeling more of a humor angle. This printing is 12 shirts. [...]