I’m currently working on the second shirt which I’d like to release early in July. Here is the shirt’s image:

(Ironically this was designed by a woman.)

I thought my caption of “Don’t Marry American” was a lock, but now I’m having doubts. I think I want it to be more an assault on marriage than just American women. Other ideas:

-Don’t Get Married
-Don’t Marry
-Get A Pre-Nup (Credit: Cookie)
-Save Money For Hookers
-Your Future Wife

They are all so good… I don’t know which one to pick. If you come up with something better and I use it, I’ll send you the first shirt for free.


  1. chicgirl

    in memory of your old caption –
    ‘the evolution of a spinster’

    although my fav is your future wife or something to the effect of your girlfriend in a few years.

    i think this will terrify men everywhere!

  2. Anonymous

    I still like “A diamond adds 50 lbs”

    The made in USA is good, but women getting fat after marriage isn’t just an american thing. Look at Canada and the UK.

  3. Anonymous

    If your women loves you she should consider it a priviledge to only have to mow your lawn in the sweltering heat to be with you

  4. The Captain

    I like ArmyWife’s idea of a timeline, but I think it should be more cruel, along the lines of 1 month, 3 months, 6 months.

    A fat woman walked into a shoe store, and asked for something she’d be comfortable in. Jokingly, I suggested Wyoming…

  5. Jenny

    Don’t become a Fatass! Become a M.I.L.F. instead!

    Now is this really fair to your husband?

    Not all moms have to end up like this!

    Come on wives, have some self-respect!

    No wonder the divorce rate is so high!

    Oh yeah, I can talk shit. I am a wife and mother of a 2 year-old little boy. I lost ALL of the weight within three months of having my son and was (and still am) in my pre-pregnancy size. I am a size 2, 5’5, 110 lbs., no stretch marks and no sagging skin either. I gained
    a lot of weight with my pregnancy, (I was put on bed-rest for 5 months), and weighed 170 lbs. when my son was born. So, it is possible to gain weight, have a healthy baby, and maintain a sense of yourself. Please ladies, don’t just let yourselves go! Having kids is no excuse!

  6. kanan

    something that shows timeline is important, like the evolution thing..monkey to ape to man, than just 3 women at different stages IMHO

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