A primer for the ladies.
I can tell you why you are not meeting men and why you will eventually spend approximately 5% of your entire life span bitching about how you can’t seem to meet men and asking where to meet them.
Somewhere along the line, women got retarded. It’s like a college education and more opportunities in the workplace made us all stupider in the natural laws of attraction. What I’m going to tell you is solid gold, and if you disagree, then you’re an idiot, and will probably die alone.
1. First of all, why are you turning down social invitations? I hear this all the time from women. “I’m too tired” or “I have to go let my dog out” or “I really have to wash clothes” … really? All of these things are more important than potentially meeting an attractive, eligible man? If you get invited to do something, even if it sounds lame, GO. You’re not going to meet men sitting on your couch in your PJs watching a “Project Runway” marathon. If you live out of town, find friends who live in the District who will let you crash on their couch if you go out at night… and learn the art of walk-of-shame shopping. As a codicil, if you are double- or triple-booked, try to go to everything, if even for only 10 minutes.
2. Always be prepared. You never know when you’ll go to the coffee shop and meet your future husband waiting on your tall mocha. That’s why you can’t afford to be cavalier about your appearance or the number of business cards in your wallet (or having a pen and paper handy).
3. When did “being comfortable” become more important than “being pretty”? Guess what: it’s a cold hard truth, but men think your flat, orthopedic-looking shoes are UGLY. You don’t have to dress like a model every day, and you don’t have to have a lot of money to look good. But you can think about what a man might like to see on a woman. It’s not a plain top, flip-flops, and jeans that make your butt look chubby. Learn how to walk in high heels, and make some friends who won’t lie to you about your clothing. Additionally, buy a push-up bra or two. You know that saying, “men are visual creatures”? It’s a saying because it’s true. A little flash, a little pizzazz are your best weapons. Just don’t lay the make-up on with a trowel.
4. Stop being a bitch. You know why no guys are hitting on you at the restaurant/bar? Because you’re sitting there with a frown on your face, trying to look cool. If you are lucky enough to be approached by a man who would probably love nothing more than to buy you a drink, be polite. And, make lots of eye contact.
4a. Quit trying to act like you are the hottest shit on the planet, because you’re not. It’s all well and good to tell yourself that a couple of times a day as a pick-me-up (I’m certainly guilty), but don’t take that attitude outside of your head. Some women affect boredom because they think it makes them seem sophisticated, but it just makes them look borING. Why not look like you are having fun?
5. Think about where the kind of men you would like to meet would be present. Every dating advice columnist out there tells you to go to cooking classes and that kind of bullheimer, but there’s no guarantees there. Suggestions:
-alumni groups for your college (you’ll have at least one thing in common)
-briefings, panel discussions, etc. on the Hill (men who are reasonably intelligent, have decent jobs, and will totally hit on you if you look hot)
-book readings and concerts (if you go by yourself, it’s less intimidating to men than approaching a tight cluster of girls)
6. Develop yourself. Read a book or two, go to a museum, go to a movie, take a trip. You know how you reject men because they don’t have anything interesting to say? I know it’s hard to believe, but men will reject you for the same reason.
7. It might be in female nature to take everything personally and to look for hidden meanings in what people say, but try avoid this. Example: if a man you’ve met exactly once before says, “you look different” upon meeting you the second time, don’t immediately assume that because you weren’t wearing makeup the first time, you looked ugly and that because you are wearing makeup now, that you look pretty, and that this man actually thinks you are ugly, and now you hate him, and he’s not that good-looking anyway, and who does he think he is, and why does he think he’s so superior, and he’s probably lying about all that tail he’s pulling anyway. Do you know why men say that women are psycho bitches? Because women think like that. And then they say it out loud. And believe it.
I’m not claiming to be an expert. But, I do meet a lot of men – the kind of men that most women would like to date. And, I feel like that makes me at least somewhat qualified to assess what you’re doing wrong. So buck up. Because you think you’re ready to meet the man of your dreams… but how hard are you trying?