Category: Observation

WHY IT’S SO HARD TO MEET A GUY IN DC

Via Craigslist:

How many new men do you think you?ll meet in a given year and be in a situation where you would actually have a chance to get to know each other? For a woman that goes out regularly and has a really active life — she may meet 200. The average is probably closer to 100. Let?s go with 150 for the sake of argument.

Now, how many of those men are decent enough (i.e. faithful, honest, not alcoholics) and have enough in common with you (i.e. similar interests, similar long-term goals, and common outlook and interests) to form a long-term meaningful relationship with? It?s probably close to 5 percent, or about 8 men every year that you have any hope of being happy with.

Now here?s the typical DC woman?s absolute unwavering and rigid requirements: must be over 5?10?, makes $50,000 a year, works out daily, and drives a jaguar. That describes about one-half of one percent of the population. So, the odds that any of those eight men you meet this year will measure up to your rigid requirements are pretty slim.

In fact, you?ll meet one guy in 25 years that is decent, has enough in common with you, and is tall and wealthy. Unfortunately, this guy is pretty damn popular, and unless you look like Halle Barry, you?re not the one he?s going to pick.

Now, you?ll meet one of those eight potential life-long lovers this week. Unfortunately, he?s 5?9?, and you just couldn?t stand to be seen dating a guy who?s an inch or two shorter than you. I mean, after all, what would your friends think? So, you pass him up. Two weeks later, he meets a girl who is much more mature than the average DC woman, and she doesn?t care about his height. Likewise, he?s more mature than the average DC male and doesn?t care that she has a few extra pounds. They get married next spring.

Next spring, you?ll be dating a wealthy, 6?3? lawyer. Unfortunately, he?s got a bad temper, and one night he?s going to have one two many. You guys will get in an argument, and he?ll end up slapping you hard across the face. You?ll be wise enough not to stick with this guy, and you?ll move on to the next tall, wealthy guy. Unfortunately, this one sleeps around, and by the time you find out he?s cheating on you, you have herpes.

And since you can?t accept any imperfections in your lovers, you?ll never notice them in yourself. The fact you?re insecure, fake, and petty will escape you, and you?ll never change. You are, therefore, doomed to a life of misery.

The good news is that all your friends will always be impressed by how handsome the guys you date are. That is until you get so old that the handsome ones no longer want you. But hey, maybe plastic surgery will extend your dating years until you?re 50. Then, of course, you?ll just be lonely. But you?ll have those herpes to keep you company and possibly a cat or two. And having finished this article, you?ll know that the reason you can?t find a decent man has nothing to do with the dating pool, and everything to do with you.

You can only be picky for so long until there is no man left who would pick you. The chickens are coming home to roost.

TEXT MESSAGING IS A FICKLE MISTRESS

I hate text messaging.

More accurately, I have a love-hate relationship with it. Why do people feel like texting can replace a phone call? It’s helpful often, but there are instances when just CALLING someone is going to get you way further than a text. And text messaging costs money!

Texting is the biggest friend of pussy-boys. It’s worse than e-mail, because with texting, it assumes you have a girl’s phone number, and you’re making a conscious choice not to actually use it. Instead, you’re going to try to get into a girl’s pants with a 31-character message. Guys, there’s nothing hotter! Except maybe the heating pad in my bed that I’m substituting for the warmth of your body, because you are NOT coming over. Texting does not equal sexting. :pissed:

Last Saturday night around 12:43 am, for example, I got a text message from this guy that I haven’t talked to in weeks – I’d already taken him out of my address book (burn!) because I didn’t feel like seeing his name any more. I even had to look up the number on my bill to make sure it was him. Sure enough, he wanted to know, “hey Sally, how are you?” I first pretended to throw my phone against the wall; then I indulged him for a little and responded. Finally, after not being able to determine what he wanted, I gave him the cold no-textback shoulder.

The lesson here? If you haven’t talked to someone for long enough than is reasonable to assume that they might still be interested, a text is not an acceptable form of communication – it’s a booty CALL, not a booty TEXT. Put your big-boy underpants on, and if you’ve established that your respondent is, indeed, awake and alive, call them. Because I don’t want to waste my media package on you.

WHY MEDIOCRE WOMEN DESIRE HOT MEN

It’s more common to see a hot girl with an ugly guy than the other way around. This is mainly due to the fact that any guy can overcome a dollop of bad genetics with a lot of money and a fancy car. Seeing a hot guy with an ugly girl is so rare that I remember the one instance where I actually witnessed it. It was my junior year in college and I was planning a hot weekend of playing Starcraft on the internet, when I saw a huge pasty girl holding hands with a good looking guy. I noticed that her huge sausage fingers were hiding his hand in a socially unacceptable display of love.

Men have a shallow gene that has been passed on for generations, making looks far more important than any other quality a woman can possess. The best advice I can give a mediocre woman is to go to the gym and do some squats to plump up that ass, because personality is a guy’s number two trait at best. So when a guy says he wants a hot girl, that’s just evolution talking. But when a girl says she wants a hot guy, it is a guarantee that she is mediocre looking.

These mediocre girls rate about a 6-7 out of 10 on the looks scale, and usually grow up with at least one hot friend who gets all the guys. She probably doesn’t have trouble getting guys herself, but she wants that model stud, that one guy who she can show off to her friends. A trophy boyfriend. It doesn’t matter if the guy can has the personality of a rock as long as he is considered hot by today’s societal standards. She’ll introduce her guy to friends and then say, “He’s hot, right?”

If you observe closely, you will notice that hot girls usually go out with average or slightly above average looking guys. These girls are already validated daily by their looks, so there is no need to seek validation in their mate as well. They pick the guy that they actually like, not one that looks good (prompting many “I don’t believe she’s with him” remarks from other jealous men). The mediocre girl is stuck in a society where her looks are judged more than anything else, leaving her with no choice but to live in other people’s eyes, not her own. But one should not have sympathy for the female mediocre lot: they should get their standards in line with reality and choose a mate whose looks is as average as hers.

WHY WOMEN PLAY THE GAME

If you think about the worst behavior each sex can do to each other, the differences are pretty profound:

Men: rape, physical beatings.
Women: giving fake phone numbers, sex withholding, lying in divorce court.

Because women have no inherent gender power, they play the game to put a smoke-screen over the interaction, gaining control through psychological warfare that forces us to respect her supposed value.

As men, our main goal with these women is sex. What we should do is let them think their game is working, that we are falling into their little web of seduction, because after sex is done, who is waiting by the phone wondering if someone will call or not? It’s not us. This power game is all fantasy, like current housing prices. Regardless of the game we encounter, we must stay focused and hang in there to get that notch. If not for the girl, for the story, which will surely be exaggerated.

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FAT BLOGGING

I’m concerned by a recent trend that is corrupting the quality of some DC blogs I read: blogging about dieting and weight. Apparently for female bloggers, weight loss is such a huge issue that internet help is needed in the form of blogger support circles, with meetings held in comments sections.

“You look great, you don’t need to lose any weight!”

“I’m so proud of you for losing one pound!”

“Men are jerks!!!”

Every blogger has a right to discuss personal matters, but blogging about trying to lose weight would be like me blogging about this massive pimple that has been growing on my knee (I just popped it, and it was not a squirter). When you blog about your struggles about eating less and getting off your ass for more than 30 minutes a week, you make yourself less sexy and more ordinary. Guys don’t want to hear about that, and judging from other obviously insincere comments, neither do women.

WOMEN ARE UNREASONABLE

I take much offense to Cookie’s recent blog entry. My thoughts in italics.

Wants to hook up with you AND date you:
-He calls you when he says he will (god forbid he surprise you with a phone call)
-He introduces you to, and brings you out with, his friends (so you don’t want his undivided attention?)
-He makes plans with you ahead of time (asks you Monday what you’re doing on Thursday) (who knows what they are doing three days in advance these days?)
-He wants to come with you to a bar, not meet up afterwards (???)
-Your dates involve more than just being at each other’s house (I think a house is more comfortable than some cheesy bar)
-He gives you a toothbrush (he doesn’t want your germs)
-blah blah blah he puts in effort and shows he’s a whipped man

Just wants to hook up with you:
-He only calls when he feels like it, and only returns your phone calls when he’s ‘done hanging out with his friends’ (why would a new girl be more important than a guy’s friends?)
-Communication frequently occurs after last call (I mean, that still shows he is thinking about you)
-He’s selfish in bed (typical female complaint)
-He doesn’t make plans (sorry, men don’t feel it is necessary to plan weeks in advance for a simple date)
-You leave something at his house, and it’s hidden in a drawer the next time you come back (why would I leave feminine products out in the open to girlify my room?)
-He says ‘I just want to go with the flow’ or ‘I don’t like having expectations’ (see below)
-blah blah blah he want to have sex for some odd reason

I disagree that saying I want to go with the flow means I just want to have sex with you. It means… I just want to go with the flow! Women love to over-analyze simple statements. Imagine you are a girl on a first date with a guy, and he says these things:

“I’m going to go against the flow… I liken myself to a clump of hair blocking your shower drain.”
“I have expectations. I expect us to have sex tonight actually.”

I think the list is completely contradictory and wrong. One side shows this sensitive, caring man, who is probably a momma’s boy and is ready to get married, and the other side is a real man who goes after what he wants. It’s sad that in 2005, men are still being persecuted for having robust sexual energy.

TWO BRAINS

There are two brains in a woman. The first brain is called “Rational thoughts,” which is in control about 40% of the time. Then you have the “Oh my god I like this guy and I’m freaking out because he hasn’t called me after I left him a message five minutes ago” brain. The rational brain shows up at work, family functions, and reading time at Starbucks. But when a guy enters the picture, or there is stress (in the form of intense gossip or traffic), the crazy brain takes over and the woman is completely incapable of reasonable thinking, requiring a support circle of 50 females to help guide her through the latest crisis.

1. Girls are sensitive. Jokingly call a girl a bitch and watch what happens. Jokingly call a guy an asshole and you probably end up taking vodka shots with him.

2. Girls are emotional. Tears… that never end… ever.

3. Girls read between the lines. What a guy says doesn’t have anything to do with what he said, but what he was thinking when he said it and his intent in saying it.

There is a male version of the woman, and he is called the “I just have to get it out” guy. When he likes a girl, he MUST tell her how he feels – right away. He knows he shouldn’t tell her, but it would just make him feel so good if he gets it out and let’s her know his true feelings. Women are similar in this respect; they have to do things in order to make them feel good in the now, instead of following a plan to achieve some certain outcome or goal.

Women: Behavior determined by trying to achieve the ongoing state of feeling good (or in the case of past abuse, feeling bad).

Men: Behavior determined by specific goals (usually empty and hollow) that can all be traced to the desire for sex.

This is why alcohol is required in the pairing of these two very unique species.