On Sunday I caught some of Real World Road Rules Challenge, a spin-off from MTV’s other reality shows. Whenever they get a mission via text message, you get the unsmoothest product placement in entertainment history:

“Hey guys, we got a text message on our T-Mobile Sidekick Two.” :huh:

No one talks like that.

What do Americans and Catholic Cardinals have in common? They choose to elect a leader that sends them further from reality. Good job assholes.

There is a simple test you can perform to determine if a certain belief or hobby of yours is crazy: if you were to live 18 years of your life without exposure, would you all of a sudden practice it? Religion fails this test spectacularly. No one would believe in a magic man in the sky without childhood indoctrination by parents. Same goes for good will and true love. Another thing that fails the test… country music. Why would 99% of Americans answer “Anything but country” when asked what kind of music they listen to? Cause it’s NO GOOD.

I was sitting in front of the television the other day and decided to give country music another chance. I put on MTV Country and caught a video of two guys singing. The song was called “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy,” by a duo called Big & Rich, who seem to incorporate hip hop’s bling bling culture into their lyrical stylings. It’s the second most awful thing I’ve heard this year, second to Britney Spears “Do Something”.

Passing out hundred dollar bills
And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill

“Alright partner… we have to rhyme something with bills. I’m really feelin’ grill so should we go with barbeque grill or a pick-up truck grill?”

Well I don’t give a dang about nothing
I’m singing and Bling- Blanging
While the girls are drinking
Long necks down!
And I wouldn’t trade ol’ Leroy
or my Chevrolet for your Escalade

News flash: Chevrolet and Cadillac (maker of the Escalade) are owned by the same company. How can you say you like to “bling blang” but not want the pimpest ride? And if you own an Escalade but don’t have 24’s on them, why are you still alive? you are really selling your pimpability short.

Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

If you are unfortunate enough to hear country music somewhere, save your ears, leave the room.

- Full lyrics

I was unfortunate enough to catch The Michael Jackson Re-enactment on E last night. Most likely put together by a pornographic producer, this specials fills the publics insatiable desire for more cheesy Michael coverage.

Every “actor” is a funny looking version of their real-life counterpart: the defense lawyer looks like Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future and the 15 year old “child” looks like one of my 25 year old friends from college who still hasn’t sprouted any facial hair. Then you see the actor playing Michael Jackson with a prosthetic nose that looks like it’s about to fall off:

Television has officially hit rock bottom. It can?t get worse than this, except for John Stamos? new show (which wouldn’t have been so bad had they not tried to squeeze every comedic cliche used in television history into one 30 minute program). In between reenactment clips, the lawyer commentators prognosticate like they are presiding over a murder trial, probably wondering why they ever accepted a gig that is sure to take them back to ambulance-chasing cases.

I wish I was a politician in power. I wish I could push through tough laws but then go against them when my trophy wife gets in trouble.

Maryland State Sen. John A. Giannetti’s 26 year old wife recently got busted for drunk driving, a crime he’s known for pushing tough legislation on. One of his bills would make it a crime to refuse a breathalyzer test. When his wife called him in the middle of her DUI stop and asked him for advice, he told her to refuse the breathalyzer.

Maryland’s lax policy on the breath test has long been considered one of the biggest loopholes in the state’s drunken driving laws… [Giannetti] has been among the leaders in the movement to close that loophole. That makes his wife’s refusal to take the test — and his possible involvement in her decision — troubling for some drunken driving opponents.

Troubling? It’s INCREDIBLE. This guy is finished. What constituent would vote for a man who makes it known that he wants tough laws to apply to everyone but his wife. What a joke.

All this talk about alcohol is making me thirsty. Maybe I should light a shot and then try to drink it. Or maybe not. He shoots out fire like one of those circus guys!

How much dust was in my room after not cleaning it for two months:

:puke:

Where is the rake? I thought it was one of those things where your internet friend says “turn up the volume” and a monster jumps up and makes you piss your pants. It woulda been better that way. Brought to you by the same site who brought us internet classic Bang Bang Bang.

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