Category: DC Player Haters

HAPPY FLAG DAY

I visited Home nightclub on Friday night. DJ Yakov was spinning in the attic and ruined my progressive Mr. Brightside remix experience by messing with the EQ’s. :sob: I stayed for 30 minutes, hopped on the Metro, then walked almost two miles home because I didn’t want to ruin my friends fun. I always hate on girls who cockblock their friends so I had to show by example.

Here is a picture of the club to show you how hot it was. Sitting down on the left are people who didn’t dance at their high school prom and in the back you have to squint to see the obligatory table dancers.

A certain member of the Haters crew was asked where the candy shop by a large group of gay men while walking on the street. His response, “In my crotch” – with pointing gesture – was met with giggles and attempts to pick him up. The “I didn’t know they were gay” excuse is questionable.

That same night I was walking somwhere in DC with someone who isn’t familiar with this site when I hear a guy yell “DC Bachelor!” After a solid second of evaluating the situation, I turn around and see a guy I don’t know, probably in his early 20’s, with a huge grin on his face. Nice.

My birthday is today. I am 26. :shudder:

HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF IN A CLUB

There are two kinds of American males in this country: white men and white guys. I work with a lot of white men. They are respectful, intelligent, and relatively pleasant to be around. White guys, on the other hand, are the beer chugging mouth breathers who can’t let go of fraternity life into their 20’s, even though they were never in a fraternity. Normally white guys are harmless, but under the influence of alcohol some of them like to look for fights. My many unfortunate encounters with white guys have led to these handy five points for self-preservation in clubs:

1. Stand-up straight. Nothing says beta-male loser than a guy who is unsure of himself.

2. Make eye contact with potential troublemakers. As the night goes on and the white guy realizes he’s not going to get laid, he starts looking for men to bump into to satisfy his aggressive needs. A little eye contact causes them to move on to easier targets.

3. If a confrontation is about to begin, get into a half fighting stance and just stare him down. The white guy has bark but no bite, so he just needs someone to breath onto after being rejected by half of the women in the club.

4. If he continues to get into your face, make a decision to get into a fight or run like a little bitch. Once you make your decision, go with it and follow through. If I make the decision to fight (which I usually do because I’m really strong), either I’m getting beat up or he’s going to get hurt.

5. Put your drink down. It’s hard to fight when you are holding your cranberry and vodka in one hand. The color of your drink sends a weak message to your opponent.

It won’t come to blows if he thinks you are ready to fight because his main goal is to pick fights with guys who are likely to back down. Eventually you learn to avoid the places where they hang out, deciding to share your nights with international superstar wannabes who would do anything to avoid confrontations that may ruffle their expensive French Connection shirt.

SEMI-NICE HATER

My narcissism goes so deep than I need everyone to know when I’m talked about on another site, even if it’s negative. Here’s a new one.

DCBachelor went from having almost no traffic on his site (hey, I sympathize) to being the topic of conversation on blogger sites that ripped into him

You’re right, the two sites that “ripped” into me really put me on the DC blogging map, especially since they are the pulse of DC and all. We’ll ignore that one of those sites has a daily readership of six people.

But really, to attract attention for being spiteful is one thing; to turn that negative attention into love and kisses is quite another, which is why his next move was so genius. He went on other blogs and made conciliatory gestures, mainly consisting of comments that could lead to a belief that “hating” was a pose, an attitude toward life that was all in jest and could be shed like last year’s fashions (speaking of which, the dude wears a soul patch. ouch.). And as the coup de grace, he invited friend and enemy alike out to a “Haters Happy Hour.” Fucking brilliant. DCBachelor managed to become a central player in a small blogging lovefest that includes the CPMC, the Washington Socialites, and their adjuncts (cpjl, v, butterfly network, etc.). I’m not saying he’s won over all his critics, but the main point is that he have to spend any more Saturday nights wondering why the phone isn’t ringing.

Thank you for making me seem like a master manipulator of DC blog readers, who was duped into thinking that all me and my friends do is make fun of other people, unable to socialize like normal adults.

I noticed that every one of my haters is going for the soul patch, as if they are following a formula from the “How To Hate On DCB Handbook.” And every girl I’ve ever gone out with has hated on it as well. Since I still have it, that kinda tells you how I strongly I feel about have this tuft of hair under my bottom lip.

I feel like this hater tried to be a little nicer to ensure I’d plug him (he did call me a genius). For his efforts… Countersignature.

ENJOY THE SILENCE WEEKEND

Insomnia and I went for a 100 mile ride through Howard County, MD on Saturday, stopping at a gas station halfway through. He’s filling his tank when I look over and see gas spraying full stream into the air, like in the movie Point Break with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves. Turns out the nozzle “got stuck”. :laugh:

Gas was everywhere.


Rockin’ the headband.

Stopped by Dragonfly this weekend… and saw someone. I get home at 5AM, tired and intoxicated, frustrated that for nine months I’ve been unable to make a solid, bold move on this one girl I like. I wrote down a couple things. I read them the next day, sober, and thought, “Wow, I’m deep.” I don’t take the 99% of girls I meet too seriously; I bring out some old material, throw in some new stuff, and whatever happens, happens. But the other 1%… the ones that count?

– –

It takes a special man to wear these pants in a club:

New hot DC trend: mobile shoe cleaner.

Hung out with Vodka Boy on Sunday, who showed me his very luxurious trash can. When you live in an expensive house, you can’t stick in a $10 Rubbermaid tub.


Biggest grape ever.

HHH RECAP

Here are my five favorite photos from the happy hour (you can view all the photos here). Not by coincidence, I’m in all of them.


Left to right: Luke, Senator, Me.

Look at the masculine way I’m holding that drink.


L to R: Random person, Senator, Random person, V, Me.

When this picture was taken I guess I thought it would be a good idea to protect my crotch, as you can see from the placement of my hands.

This photo was taken the instant Mike G and I met. You can see on our faces what we really think about each other.

This guest was feeling my edgy vibe (thanks to the soul patch) even though I kept running out of things to say. It all ended when she accused me of lying after I brought in Spaniard to discuss his recent break-up (him and his girlfriend really did split a few hours before the happy hour). Surprisingly, there are some girls who are resistant to my charm.


L to R: Eugenius, Me, Spaniard, Insomnia

The Haters!!! Sorry Insomnia, I know this is a bad picture of you, but I don’t look right in our other group photo.

While many DC blogs were busy patting each other on the back Friday, the most anti-social DC blogger of them all, the Why I Hate DC guy, was in John Kelly’s Friday Post column.

EARLIER:

Only quotes I remember:

V: “You’re taller than I thought.”
Luke: “Your face is getting shiny.”

Most awkward moment:

A lady friend of mine trying to get a rise out of The Senator by making fun of his profession. He handled it well.

Most unawkward moment:

Meeting Mike Grass from DCist. He was standing next to me for at least 10 minutes until Kelly came and told me who he was. I introduced myself and we ended up talking for a while… about blogs.

I had a chance to meet the CPMC guys, a few readers (including CatCiao, a suspected hater), and many girls who had trouble admitting that they are DC blog groupies. I also met the girls behind The Butterfly Network, and talked to them for a full 45 seconds.

Today the Washington Post Express published an article focusing on Kelly with a big CPMC mention. This site gets an indirect mention.

Other HHH recaps:

Socialites: We came, they hated, we all drank, we blogged
CPMC: Haters Turned To Lovers
– TBN: An Apple Martini and a Limo Ride & Fabulous Fifteen Minutes
Circle V: The interview

H CUBED IS TONIGHT

Definite:
CPMC
Socialites “Mystery Guest”

Yes:
Up All Night Jane

Most likely:
V. She hasn’t said she’d come, but I have a feeling she will.

Probably not:
DCist staff members

The Zen Den area in the back is reserved for us, and I managed to get a whopping $2 off the Liquid Yoga drink (Eugenius’ favorite).

Haters Happy Hour details

POSTSCRIPT: Thanks to Kelly for mentioning the happy hour on her Z104 segment this morning. MP3 Clip.

DID NOTHING OF SOCIAL SIGNIFICANCE WEEKEND

Insomnia came over on Friday night for a barbecue, the first one of the year.


Those sideburns look pretty thick from the side.

Close up of the sauce application:

How do you prevent the massive fire that develops when the awesome grease from the burger drips down into the coals? That made my grilling skills look amateurish.

The result: Hawaiian pineapple burgers with twice-baked stuffed potatoes.

Saturday night it rained, and according to my new rule for 2005 that means I’m staying in because the only people who go out when it rains are hardcore clubbers, people you don’t want to spend time with.


Wow look, an artsy photo of nothing important.