I HATE COUNTRY MUSIC

There is a simple test you can perform to determine if a certain belief or hobby of yours is crazy: if you were to live 18 years of your life without exposure, would you all of a sudden practice it? Religion fails this test spectacularly. No one would believe in a magic man in the sky without childhood indoctrination by parents. Same goes for good will and true love. Another thing that fails the test… country music. Why would 99% of Americans answer “Anything but country” when asked what kind of music they listen to? Cause it’s NO GOOD.

I was sitting in front of the television the other day and decided to give country music another chance. I put on MTV Country and caught a video of two guys singing. The song was called “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy,” by a duo called Big & Rich, who seem to incorporate hip hop’s bling bling culture into their lyrical stylings. It’s the second most awful thing I’ve heard this year, second to Britney Spears “Do Something”.

Passing out hundred dollar bills
And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill

“Alright partner… we have to rhyme something with bills. I’m really feelin’ grill so should we go with barbeque grill or a pick-up truck grill?”

Well I don’t give a dang about nothing
I’m singing and Bling- Blanging
While the girls are drinking
Long necks down!
And I wouldn’t trade ol’ Leroy
or my Chevrolet for your Escalade

News flash: Chevrolet and Cadillac (maker of the Escalade) are owned by the same company. How can you say you like to “bling blang” but not want the pimpest ride? And if you own an Escalade but don’t have 24’s on them, why are you still alive? you are really selling your pimpability short.

Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

If you are unfortunate enough to hear country music somewhere, save your ears, leave the room.

Full lyrics

12 thoughts on “I HATE COUNTRY MUSIC

  1. Country Bubba

    Country music is sweet. Sure, you may not understand it, but… well, you didn’t understand why Bush would win in the last election either.

    Liking country music is crazy? Whatever you say. If only country had the socially redeeming values of ‘urban’ music what with its misogyny and rollin’ on 22s and gats and cristal and all.

    Way to arrograntly dismiss something you clearly don’t understand.

  2. Liz

    County music sucks, *today’s* “hip hop” sucks, they both just suck. Do yourself a favor and listen to psytrance or something. 🙂

  3. Tara

    I’m from the midwest. That song gets played at least four or five times every night in the clubs here. My dad is a big fan of the “save a horse, ride a cowboy part.” It makes me want to die.

  4. M

    Old country is good – Cash, Nelson, Stanley, Gillian Welch. “Today’s country” is reheated barf

  5. hapiface

    Some country is good, garth brooks,older allan jackson, george strait…..even kenny chesney has one good song (she thinks my tractors sexy). Country music is relaxing and often tells better stories than most other crap too. Listen to 10 songs on a country music station, you might get one or two good ones in there.

  6. Law

    tell you what. I rather listen to some gats flying and jewlery slinging than listening to some guy singing about how his horse is so fast.

  7. Hush Puppy

    Bubba Gritzalot

    I like ta drink my wimmin and spank my beer.
    One I take fishin the other I hold dear.
    People say I am funny, some call it queer
    but I drink my wimmin and spank my beer

    (someone complete this sure fire Nashville hit)

  8. shut up

    1-800-wha-yyyy

    We have people standing by to hear your annoying complaints about anything, press 666 to complain specifically about country music please.

    All calls are NOT monitored. (we don’t really care what you have to say, or if you call us to complain)

    If you decide to stay on the whayyyy line, country music will be played in the background until one of our representitives (never) answers your call.

    Thanks for choosing WHAYYYY!

    (a surcharge of $1,000,001 will be add to your phone bill after every MINUTE.)

    ——- If yah dont like it, change the channels on your tv or radio; those of us who like country music, like it for what it is no matter how old or new. So if you dont like it, keep it to yourself. You need earplugs for country? I need earplugs for whiney people like you.

  9. Werner

    I really like your comment about the “acid” test for beliefs, especially about religion. The problem in the U.S. does have a great deal to do with education or could we just say basic literacy. Is it really true that nearly half the people in that country think the world is less than ten thousand years old? (I’m writing from Canada). It’s little wonder that some people are transfixed by music that glorifies self-pity. Now I’m willing to admit that some older country, people like Cash, at least had something to say about everyday life even if their style tended to be repetitive and overly sentimental at times. But modern country, like so much popular music, is the just the mating call of a “downmarket” elitism that appeals to in-group exclusiveness but of a variety that does not require any real personal effort to maintain. Anyway my feeling about this is foreshadowed by my own interests which do not provide much “space” for most forms of popular culture anyway (well … I don’t mind some old movies). It’s just I feel that two hundred years from now educated people will know and respect Bach and Mozart, but they will not give a tinker’s dam for “Joe Blow and the Electric Banana ” or whatever they call this shit … and whether or not they’re wearing cowboy boots probably won’t matter too much.

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