CRASH AND BURN

Quite a few people I know have recommended the movie Crash. I netflixed it and I must say that I am stunned that so many people I respect enjoyed this horrible tripe. The movie is supposed to be a no-holds barred look at racism in a handful of LA residents who experience or perform it daily. These characters do not have a single conversation that is racist-free throughout the entire movie. And it’s not the subtle racism that you have to take a minute to think about, but it’s the obvious, tired racist themes that are played out in redneck circle-jerks.

Situations I’m sure you’ve never seen before:

1. White cop pulls over a black man in a big SUV and gives him and his wife a hard time. White cop has a rookie partner who doesn’t agree with his tactics.

2. Rich white woman gets scared of black guys on the sidewalk, and then gets jacked by the same black guys.

3. Persian FOB shop-owner with thick accent has trouble understanding simple English words, like the difference between door and lock.

4. Hispanic man with tattoos looks like a gangbanger but is actually a father with a heart of gold. (Usually this character is played by a prostitute.)

5. Chinaman with funny accent has ten immigrants locked up in his van.

The movie tries to get all Seinfeld on us by elegantly merging the different stories together. Problem is that there is no elegance! (Go and Magnolia did it much better.) The racist white cop ends up running into the black man’s wife the next day. At about the same time, the black man gets rob by the black guys. The Persian shop owner tries to kill the Hispanic man for bad service, who also got a complaint from the rich woman the day before. One of the black guys is accidentally killed by the rookie cop, who isn’t a racist. OH THE IRONY! Oh yeah, one of the black guys accidentally runs over the chinaman!!! They drop him off at the hospital, and we learn that his wife (who pronounces all l’s as r’s) later rear-ends the white girlfriend of a black cop whose car thief brother it is that got killed. There is more… it is just so retarded.

The movie is trying to send the message that you are seeing the world through racist eyes, but they are playing out the EXACT SAME STEREOTYPES THAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO AVOID. Not a single black character in the movie is portrayed positively. And the number of hilarious accents alone has given me plenty of material for the next lame house party I attend.

The movie ends when everyone realizes they are huge assholes and are no longer racist:

1. The car thief – the one that didn’t get killed by the rookie cop – sets out on a path of goodwill. We assume he enrolled into college.

2. The racist white cop saves a black woman’s life and realizes he shouldn’t be a racist anymore, as his dad cries on the toilet (I wish I was making this up).

3. The rich white woman realizes that all her yuppie friends are fake, and that her real friend is her housekeeper Rosa, who she yelled at the day before for not emptying the dishwasher.

4. Persian shop owner realizes he made a mistake in trying to kill a man for no reason. No longer a racist against Latinos.

This was one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year, second only to War of The Worlds. You can tell this movie was written by a rich white guy with no experience of racism except for what he watched on Cops as a kid. Oh, this post contains spoilers. Do not read if you haven’t seen the movie.

23 thoughts on “CRASH AND BURN

  1. Aja

    I bought a ticket, sat in the theatre with my b-friend at the time and after 20 minutes we walked out. You are on point with this one. My ex and I are of mixed backgrounds and just felt this was a stupid attempt at trying to teach a lesson. If I wanted a lesson, I’d go to school, Hollywood can’t teach me shit about racism. All we could say was are you fucking serious?? Come on!!! Only sheltered people find this movie “awesome”.

  2. holiday

    You know when I saw the preview for this movie, I thought it was about a bunch of self absorbed people from Los Angeles (tell me something I don’t know). I didn’t think the movie was brilliant, but it made some people think a little more about racism and how it exists in the 21st century.

    BTW-I thought the blogger happy hour was last night and went to Dragonfly. I made my friend go up to two different groups of people to ask if they were the bloggers and they totally laughed at her. Thank god I had gotten her good and drunk beforehand. To save myself the embarassment, I’m going to miss it next week.

  3. The Senator

    I too agree with DCB. I was definitly upset at the movie I must tell you because it missed one form of race that is being discriminated. That of course is the homosexuals. So the movie in my opinion gets two thumbs down!!

  4. Anonymous

    Forget about the movie, you used the word “chinaman” twice. What year do you think this is?

  5. Chase

    As long as the movie created dialogue and made a few people think/reflect on their actions/words…then I think the movie accomplished its goal.
    It’s a start.

  6. The Captain

    Well, thanks for ruining the movie for me, not that I was likely to ever watch it anyway. The idea of a grown man crying on a toilet is funny though. It almost sounds worth it just for that scene.

  7. Sherwin

    Everything had to end all happy and fine in the movie, and that was pretty pedestrian. Most people can’t deal with a movie that finishes depressing (like Requiem for a Dream).

  8. Liz

    You’re criticizing this movie for its racism, yet you refer to one of the characters as a “chinaman???”

    You fucking tool.

  9. The MaDAsIaN

    Yes i agree with Liz with this one DCB. I am Asian myself as u well know, and using the term “chinaman” does sound uneasy. I usually would prefer for you to use “GOOK” or “Chink” as I have used these terms.

  10. RCR

    I actually liked the movie, but I can’t really disagree with the review. It was rather contrived. As contrived as it was, though, some of the scenes were a little compelling.

    I like your spoiler warning.

  11. DC Pimp

    Perhaps the director wasn’t trying to send a message and just wanted to make an entertaining movie? Did I miss the memo that movies have to be realistic to be good?

  12. DC_Cookie

    The hispanic man with tattoos is normally played by a prostitute? What kind of movies are you watching about male, latino prostitutes?

    I liked this movie. Because the acting was decent. But, I also liked Mean Girls.

  13. DCB Post author

    cookie:

    i mean the movies where the person with the best heart is played by a prostitute who is trying to better herself. Leaving Las Vegas comes to mind.

  14. krizzo

    You have to understand that Hollywood movies are meant for mass consumption throughout the world. For someone from DC, you don’t need to learn about racial stereotypes in America. You know them and have grown up with them for a very long time.

    What about some guy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, or Stockholm, Sweden? This gives him an insight into how things are.

    For Americans, I feel that we need more movies that have multi ethnic casts of characters where we don’t have them live up to any stereotypes at all.
    A

  15. zippy

    I’m black!! The part about the white girl walking 10 years out of the way to avoid the black guys was hilarious. I’ve experienced that about 2 million times in my life. I laugh, i’m college educated, successful and positive and can’t hurt a hair on a fly. But i’m allegedly a dangerous person. The sad thing is that i dig white chicks.

  16. Aja

    Next time, for kicks, obey the law, stop at the red light, if you are in a white folks neighborhood look scared and lock your dooors quickly, it’s funny.

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