Lonely? Tired of meeting loser guys in the club? Depressed that your mom has a better sex life than you? Well this may be your lucky day. Get out pen and paper and write down your answers to see if you qualify to have drinks with me. If your score is high enough in part one, you will be asked to fill out part two. Good luck!
1. On average, what date do you usually put out by?
c. 8+, or after we get married
2. What is the most number of drinks you would have on a first date?
a. It depends
b. 1 or 2, max
c. I don’t drink
3. How old are you?
a. Under 23
c. Over 26
a. I like
b. California rolls only
c. I don’t like
5. Favorite music
b. Anything but country
b. Hip hop!
6. Do you think that, ultimately, women belong in the kitchen?
b. Is this a joke?
c. I’m a feminist
7. How soon can a guy use “movie night” for a date?
a. By date 3
b. Eh, lame
c. He better be spending money on me for every date
8. How would you describe your bedroom performance?
b. I guess I’m good
c. I don’t know, or none of your business
9. Have men called you “hot”?
b. Sometimes, or “cute”
c. No 🙁
10. Does my writing stimulate you… intellectually or physically?
b. I hate you (but I visit everyday)
11. Your background..
a. Eastern European, South American
b. White, Western European
c. Yes, I am weak
13. Favorite pet
b. Furry critters, or other
For every a, give yourself 2 points. For every b, 1 point. You get nothing for c’s.
19-26: I would go out on a date with you if you are not morbidly obese and/or ugly. Proceed to the next part.
13-18: It could work, but you gotta be decent looking. Proceed to the next part.
0-12: Sorry, it’s not going to work out.
What picture best represents your hair color?
What picture does your face look most like?
a. thin and curvy
b. thin with few curves
How is your ass like?
a. big and round
b. petite and/or flat
c. flat, saggy, and gross
Use the same grading system (2 for a’s, 1 for b’s).
5-8 points: Holla! E-mail me a picture of you and your friends at a slumber party… having a pillow fight… in lingerie.
0-4 points: I’m sure there are plenty of drunk white boys in Adams Morgan that would get with you.