DEFAULT GAME

Tight Game Week It can be hard to think clearly when it’s time to step up to the plate. The girl is hot. Your heart is beating fast. Your mind is blank. It’s do-or-die and the window for you to make your move is small. But you are unprepared and slow. The window closes and the girl is gone.

It’s important to always have a default game ready at your disposal. Start with having two opening lines that you can use anywhere. Sometimes you see a girl and can’t think of something on-the-fly to get a conversation going. What a shame it would be if a momentarily lapse in creative thought prevents you from even talking to the girl. Then there are times that you don’t feel confident of an untested opener and unconsciously put up roadblocks to approaching. If you have one opener that you’ve used dozens of times that is most likely to open than not, it would make talking to women a lot easier. Even if you are so nervous you can barely think, and you have to spit your line very rigid and robot-like, it is still better than not saying nothing at all.

After you get the conversation started, there will still be that first silence. When you meet a girl through friends, there is no pressure to keep talking. You have prolonged access to her, and other friends around you will take off some of the pressure. But when you approach a girl cold, you need to keep talking, even if you are normally introverted or guarded. Silences are deadly in the first 15 minutes of a pick-up. This is where you need two or three conversational threads, or routines, that you can pull out and use. You’ve memorized them, you know how a girl will react, and you know they will open up the conversation even further. If you’ve ever told a story more than once, you’ve used a routine. It is something that is reliable, effective, and refined.

When you have no experience meeting girls, it is difficult to know what openers or routines to use. You will have to borrow them from other guys. This is where knowing guys who are good with women come into play. This is how I learned. Practice with their lines and quickly optimize them to something that fits your personality. With experience you gain the knowledge to figure out what works and what doesn’t work. In a very short time your game will look very different from what you started with.

The first 15 minutes of a pickup should be automatic. Like putting on your shoes. It should be something that you improve over the years until you have a final product that works for you. Its sole purpose is to get a girl intrigued in you, a random stranger. After that you can relax, for the seed has been planted. Once she sticks around and you have her attention, feel free to “be yourself,” flowing with the interaction wherever it may lead. Eventually you get so used to talking to women that you need to rely on your default game less and less each time. But until then you get to that point, having one will improve the rate at which you succeed.

52 thoughts on “DEFAULT GAME

  1. virglekent

    My default line is ?would you like to touch my penis? gets em every time.

    Pretty Ricky?s ?I?ve got the cure for AIDS, back at my place?

  2. Pagan Marbury

    Nice strategery. Girls hate it when they compare notes and find out they both fell for some guy’s “default” plan. But hey, you are long gone by then, right?

    Question- do you ever get played by women? Not dinner-whore played, but pumped and dumped played?

  3. hedonistic

    What ever happened to the classic line: “Hi, my name is _______?” I fall for that one every time if he’s cute.

    You can extend a conversation for 15 minutes or more if you respond to her as if you give a damn what she thinks.

    (“As if.” Is that a Freudian slip or what?)

  4. karl pilkington

    Oh hedonistic, it must be tough being a feminist in a post-feminist world. Your comments always contain a certain naivety that I find almost endearing. For the men lurking in the comments section, be wary of taking dating advice from most women. What women say they find attractive and what they actually respond to is usually two different things.

  5. hedonistic

    OK, ladies, respond: Is Karl correct? Check your sexual histories, not your internal list of “opinions”: Have well-rehearsed lines proven effective pantydroppers for you?

    Karl, I’m just the “spinster” here, too old and experienced to be naive. A veteran, shall we say, not of the bar scene, but of this dance between the sexes.

    When I was eighteen years old, I was at a private party and a 36-year old man came up to me, “Hi, my name is _____.” After chatting for a minute he said, “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’d be honored if you’d allow me to make love to you.” My bikini bottoms fell right to the ground (I wasn’t wearing a top).

    I don’t actually recommend Part Two of that line in a crowded bar. That man and I had so much chemistry between us that he could have said “kerphlurb” and I would have fallen for it. We were lovers, off and on, for about 15 years.

    My longwinded point? I’m suggesting that it doesn’t matter what you say so long as you say something, preferably something nice. “Hello” is easy enough to remember.

  6. Stephen

    Hedonistic,

    Man, I wish I had been going to parties with girls in just their bikini bottoms when I was 18. Must’ve made a wrong choice somewhere…

    🙂

  7. karl pilkington

    Oh idealistic hedonistic, telling a man to approach with just a simple ?Hi my name is___? is like sending a soldier to combat with a water pistol. A man must be able to bring a woman into the conversation and ?Hi my name is__ ? is not enough.

    I would never use a line to approach a woman as ?experienced? as yourself. I would just tell you that I would work unselfishly to give you that pleasure which you seek. All I ask is that when you are about to reach the pinnacle of pleasure, you start singing ?I Am Woman? in french.

    My sweet hedonistic I would never in a million years ?pump and dump? you, I would rather just ?eat and run?.

  8. hedonistic

    This was an outdoor lingerie party, just outside Madison at a remote campsite. People bought strawberry daquiries and danced in their underwear so that one family could afford the gas needed to drive home to Massachussetts.

    And you thought Midwesterners were uptight.

    So, how may a man be so blessed as to find himself at such a party? Karma, my sweets, just gooooooooood Karma. The scantily-clad women were in control of THAT guest list, and these men already knew (or quickly discovered) that turning over control to them was the best “game” they ever played.

  9. virglekent

    Karl-

    “I would never ?pump and dump? you, I would rather just ?eat and run?”

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

    That is the best line I’ve ever heard!

    I called Dibs on making it a SIT shirt

    holla

  10. DCB Post author

    H: While I appreciate how you feel strongly about the things I write and take time to comment, you continue to show your COMPLETE ignorance on how game really works. A quick read through your blog where you brag about dating billionaries or guiness book record holders shows you have not thought about the underlying principle of attraction. You are still stuck on the surface.

    I am writing from experience, from talking to – probably by now – hundreds of women, going on dozens and dozens of dates, etc. It’s that experience that drives a post such as this. I’m not talking about something that worked only once for me. I’m talking about patterns I’ve seen and noted down along the way, that can work for any guy regardless of his look or background. You are talking about ONE incident TWENTY years ago that worked on a man you were ALREADY ATTRACTED TO at a LINGERIE PARTY. Your ridiculous example has no bearing on teaching guys basic principles on how to talk to women.

    You show your ignorance with the gold standard of female rebuttals to game: “Just say hi, that’s all you gotta do.” Only a woman would suggest something she has no way of proving works. Even if the girl likes you and say hi, what do you think is going to happen after that? A conversation is just going to come out from nowhere? Of course not. The man must lead and keep it going, so he needs to have something more on his mind that hi. If you ever have a son, I feel sorry that he will get such generic advice that simply DOES NOT WORK when talking about approach game. Unless you are at your monthly lingerie party where conversations are not really needed, a man needs a framework to work off of.

    I regret having devoted this much energy replying to you, especially since you will shortly come back again with some nonsense.

  11. Wendy

    I have to say, of all the guys I have been with (that doesn’t sound right…) I can not for the life of me remember what their opening line was. Every guy that meant anything, all I remember in the first 15 minutes is their face, smile, ass, eyes…if he was talking it was the whole yada yada yada bit.

    Chemistry, I remember chemistry.

  12. hedonistic

    Darling, but of course, this is YOUR blog. Every man should have his default “game” if he thinks it will make him feel more confident. As I stated before, I just think the “game” should include Hello and then something nice.

    All I ask is that you think of this: Had I NOT been attracted to that furry stranger, do you think some rehearsed, oft-used line would have changed my mind? :suspicious:

    It appears the other females have left the building, so I’ll hush unless/until they chime in to agree/disagree. So, other than to point out that party conversation STILL matters even when you’re already naked, I am done: This middle-aged old bag who knows nothing cedes the floor to the young sir! Of course, the floor was his all along . . . 😉

  13. DCB Post author

    Okay in your mind you are imagining some guy come up to you with a lame line along the theme of “Hey if you were a bear, I’d make you my honey.” Us men have made progress.

    In the days I had a 99% male readership, we’d be able to discuss the finer points of game instead of arguing about whether set openers work or not. :angry:

  14. KassyK

    I wasnt going to post here but I feel I must. I have to agree with DCB on this one…sorry Hedon-I still love you though.

    Unless you have seen someone off the bat that you find attractive at the bar or bookstore or party or wherever you may be…a guy does need a certain amt of “game” to talk to a women.

    While I personally am not the kind that wants some guy to brag about his job/money/car etc bc I could give a flying fuck…some women do and others (like me)want to talk to someone that has something to say to make me laugh or smile and just not feel creeped out that some strange guy is approaching me.

    And if his “game” is “tight”…meaning he has accomplished in making me smile or giggle or orgasm on the spot–then he is in.

  15. O-face

    I got game……pacman, defender, joust, dig dug, asteroid, donkey kong, I got all kind of games that I can play and show people…Metal Gear, Duck Hunt, Tecmo Bowl..Double Dribble…

  16. O-face

    I got game……pacman, defender, joust, dig dug, asteroid, donkey kong, I got all kind of games that I can play and show people…Metal Gear, Duck Hunt, Tecmo Bowl..Double Dribble…

  17. karl pilkington

    -Us men have made progress.

    Word DCB word.

    An easy opener I used when I was first starting out was ?I?m curious, what?s the story behind (insert earring, tattoo, hairstyle, eye color, shirt, ect.) some small feature that forces the woman to talk and lets her know that I notice small details. Women usually respond in ?great detail? about said item and I simply follow up on her response or guide the conversation down another path. An opener is not the magic bullet that is instantly going to make a woman fall in love with you. A good opener is just something that can get the conversation started. With practice I have developed better openers that work better for certain situations.

    My dearest Hedonistic, the things I would do to you. I find it so much sexier for a woman to scream don?t stop ?patriarchal oppressor? in throes of passion than screaming something boring like ?daddy?.

  18. hedonistic

    Ayla – – yes, for 17 years, same place: my nickname: “waterbug.” Wear black, move fast. “Queen of Darkness” is my other name. Those are the ones who REALLY know me.

    So we’re all in vehement agreement, I see, and only disagreeing on terminology. “Because you’ve been running through my mind all day” is lame. That’s “game” to me. It can be used on any random chick. It has no meaning.

    On the other hand, having an opener that demonstrates genuine interest in your “target” is not “game” in my poor little head, because to me, if it comes from a genuine place and is tailored to her, it stops being “game.”

    Chalk it up to semantics. I shall concede.

  19. imstilldreaming

    I wasn’t going to comment on this post either, but more female opinions were called for from hedonistic. I say it’s a combination of two things: Confidence and chemistry. It’s not as simple as an introduction. One guy that comes up and says ‘Hi, I’m ____’ may get a conversation, while another could do the exact same thing and it gets a tight lipped smile back, and an escape as soon as possible. Most guys who try to hit on girls at bars try to fake being someone they’re not and that’s easy to pick up on. They also generally come off as creepy. Number one common denominator of successful guys: Confidence…but not arrogance. I agree with DCB. Sorry ladies.

  20. AAnonymous

    For the love of god. I’ve been reading this blog since its inception, and I’ve never commented before, but this demands a reasonable male response. Yeah, DCB, where did all the guys go?

    “Game” doesn’t have to be target specific. It doesn’t have to be cutesy, and it certainly rarely involves “chemistry.” As DCB means it, it describes the necessary interaction required to get someone’s interest, followed by either number or hookup (broadly defined).

    It shouldn’t involve “lines,” at least lines the way most people think of them, and ladies, if you can’t remember how a guy opened, that just means he opened well — i.e., his game was good enough that it didn’t seem contrived.

    But set openers work, especially for beginners. I’m hardly an expert, but I know something about human psychology and a very little bit about women, and while I certainly crash and burn with the best of them, I abandoned “Hi my name is . . .” a long time ago.

    A final note: girls who think an introduction and “something nice” works like a charm probably don’t get picked up that much. I don’t mean that as an insult, and I’m not trying to flame, I’m just saying that attractive girls in urban areas get hit on all the time. Even if you’re nice, attractive, groomed, whatever, if you open with something common, you’re just another guy who hasn’t differentiated himself in any way.

    I’m really tempted to post some of the better openers I’ve heard — like you said, DCB, it’d be fun to discuss the finer points — but I don’t want to give away the tactics. Oh, well.

  21. Hideki Tojo

    The disagreement in what successful game is appears to stem from the fact that women still want to pretend like guys at bars want to do something other than bone them. I can only assume that DCB’s “game” is intended to get in a chicks pants (though you can’t convince me he’s all that successful if he has to take them out on dates and whatnot). Either way, Women who think that the, “Hi, my name is Cletus” line, followed with a kiss on the hand and a dozen roses, aren’t looking at “game” through male eyes. Media and Hollywood have deluded them with the Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome, and they’ve taken it hook, line, and sinker.

    Listen to a rap song where the singer is talking about the “game” that he, er, “spat”. It’s fake. It’s contrived. It’s a means to an end. DCB’s coming right out and saying it, and you women are trying to make it something it’s not. You’re on crack if you think it’s for anything else, but I understand that you need to try and convince yourself that you’re not a complete idiot after falling for some nonsense spoken by a guy who “made you laugh” with his “clever, witty, and worldly humor.” You think he doesn’t know what he’s doing? When you lie and tell him that you “don’t normally do this,” are you hoping that he’ll respond in kind? Get a clue.

    ps. DCB’s cool male readers are all gone ‘cuz he banned them after they made fun of him.

  22. nabeel

    Whoa–a lot of back and forth on this.

    Hedonistic: I never said midwesterners are uptight. Lighten up, girl! You want guys to kiss your ass and become doormats for you and cede all control to you… fine. You can have those losers.

    All: Yeah, my social skills used to suck. But now they’re fine, thanks to waking up to what does work and what doesn’t work. Hint: Approaching a perfect stranger cold turkey and just saying “Hi, my name is ____” and expecting that she’ll carry the load of the conversation is not going to work. It does maybe work occasionally, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. We guys got to do more. SOMETHING. Anything that doesn’t sound stupid or creepy.

    Something funny or make a joke about the context? yes that’ll work.

    How about something sexual “I’d be honored to make love to you” or “hey, you do anal”? No! :laugh:

  23. Wendy

    guess I better grow a dick, the Host is getting angry at the chicks. WE are the ones you are trying to pick up, seems you would like to hear what we have to say.

    Excuse me I have to go change my tampon…

  24. Jewcano

    It seems like the men here are in agreement. “Hi, my name is” crashes and burns a good 80% of the time and you can usually tell before you even get to your name. From there it’s just figuring out a way to extricate yourself gracefully so you don’t look like a chump to the next girl in line. I’d vote for Karl’s “So what’s the story behind” bit. Especially because it gets the girl talking, and gives you that early early shot to appear to pay attention while she talks about herself.
    Honestly, though, lines are one thing, but as I implied above (and Wendy’s comment confirms) what the girl really does is make a split-second “I want to fuck this guy” decision. Chemistry, per se. Unless you’re real charming or real stupid sounding your words are pretty irrelevant, as she’s probably made her decision before you’re even done speaking.
    PS Advice from women can come in handy to sharpen game. However, advice from women who admit banging men over 50 is of questionable value.

  25. Wendy

    ok, brutal honesty I have never given a doo doo about what a guy says, it is how he LOOKS! If you are ugly and your opening line is a love sonnet by Shakspeare, who cares. If you are cute and you say “Hi my name is…” You are in.

    And don’t anyone say I am shallow because you all know it is true. Beside this entire thing is about guys getting laid and so I guarantee they aren’t chatting up fat ugly girls. The end.

  26. Anonymous

    Christ, if all a cute guy has to do is go up and talk to you, you must not have been hit on by many cute guys.

    Most women are far pickier in who they get gamed by.

  27. AAnonymous

    I don’t think attractiveness is that important. Although I’m thankfully not dealing with the usual D.C. handicaps (short, bald, impotent), I’m hardly a model, and I do better than plenty of hot but gameless dudes.

    I also don’t think that this is all about getting (immediately) laid. While that may be a fun thing to shoot for, it’s not like you use some magically different game for trying to get somebody’s number as trying to get in their pants. It’s all part of the same process, just a varying pace.

    Incidentally, while the “What’s the story behind . . .” bit isn’t bad, she’s probably heard it before (if it’s a constant: tatoo, hairstyle, etc.) AND you can’t predict the answer. With a set routine that you’ve worked before, you know the likely answers and how to “properly” respond, too. Good times all around.

    Finally, for the women who are shocked — shocked!! — that we’d be so devious as to come up with totally invented questions, stories, and attempts to get you to talk to us for five minutes, think of how much more flattering it is to have somebody work for you rather than just winging it with a feeble introduction. Right? Right.

  28. Wendy

    Anon, I keep reading your comment over and over and it makes no sense to me. I don’t see what me enjoying a good looking guy as opposed to an “un-goodlooking” guy has to do with how many goodlooking guys have hit on me.

  29. AAnonymous

    If I may speak for Anon, the answer is simple: when a woman is hit on by many good looking guys, she has to weed them out by something other than their looks.

    Your statement was, “If you are cute and you say ?Hi my name is?? You are in.”

    So either lots of guys are, um, “in,” or not that many attractive guys are hitting on you.

    Or maybe you were exaggerating a little, and it’s not quite true that every attractive guy that hits on you gets in, in which case you’re differentiating them by something other than looks. Or, to really give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you’re talking about only the absolute hottest of the hot. There’s your out, if you want to take it.

    What I’ll probably never know is whether girls who say this stuff (“I just want a nice guy!” “I just want a guy with a sense of humor!” “All you have to do is introduce yourself!”) actually think it’s true (even though they’re wrong) or say it even though they know it’s crap (to seem less affected by game or to mess with us or some other reason). It’s quite a puzzle, but it’s still irrelevant to the fact that we wouldn’t go to all this trouble if it wasn’t both necessary and effective.

  30. Anonymous

    Back in the dating scene after a long hiatus. I know it’s a stupid question or a request. Can anyone help me with a routine for 15 minute or so? You don’t have to be very descriptive. Just how would you go about 15 minutes if it’s a cold approach. I won’t copy it or do any of it. I will try to model it. Help a brother getting laid here.
    What are some of the opening lines that have worked for you? Again I will not copy or anything, just to get an idea.

  31. Wendy

    good god, I don’t need an out. I have been married for ten years to a really cute guy. And it was his looks that got him in and his mind and soul followed.

    And my blog is called Minutiae…

  32. Eugenius

    why cant something like “Hi, I would like to fuck you tonight, to a point where you are dizzy, and cant walk for two days…”…..be effective……..instead its a “process” getting some pretentious bitch to believe that she is someone who is worthwhile talking to….hate that…. 🙁

  33. Anonymous

    “It?s quite a puzzle, but it?s still irrelevant to the fact that we wouldn?t go to all this trouble if it wasn?t both necessary and effective.”

    Word.

    —————-

    “why cant something like ?Hi, I would like to fuck you tonight, to a point where you are dizzy, and cant walk for two days???..be effective??..instead its a ?process? getting some pretentious bitch to believe that she is someone who is worthwhile talking to?.hate that?. :-(”

    Word.

  34. Anonymous

    Okay, new rule: if you’ve been out of the dating game for 10 years, you have to say so before you start giving out dating advice.

    So the rest of us can ignore it.

    This has been a public service announcement.

  35. Andy

    “Finally, for the women who are shocked ? shocked!! ? that we?d be so devious as to come up with totally invented questions, stories, and attempts to get you to talk to us for five minutes, think of how much more flattering it is to have somebody work for you rather than just winging it with a feeble introduction. Right? Right.”

    Until we start getting them to qualify themselves as more than a pretty game-recipient…. :whoa:.

  36. the lotus eater

    Umm. Am I supposed to be trying to fuck all the time?

    Don’t get me wrong–I like fucking. But for all this work, all this game, all these month-planned strageties that translate into 30 minutes of random itch-scratching–what the fuck is the point? I’m not mature and I ain’t done with hook-ups, but I am certainly done with wasting my Saturday night trying to get laid. You get laid, you don’t get laid–what’s the point in spending your time worrying about it? Random sex is no more than a good nightcap. I’d rather have a good old time than some skin or some digits.

    DCB, I really like your analyses of women. Your posts are nice (in the sense of the word that means precise) and honest and sometimes all funny cruel. The girls deserve it.

    So, you got at least that half of the psychology right, which is why I read your blog. Advice for the sex-starved from a Casanova is a public service, but, honestly, don’t you ever get the least bit bored with all these skirt-twitching pump beggers?

  37. hedonistic

    “why cant something like ?Hi, I would like to fuck you tonight, to a point where you are dizzy, and cant walk for two days???..be effective??..instead its a ?process? getting some pretentious bitch to believe that she is someone who is worthwhile talking to?.hate that?. :-(”
    **********************************

    Awwwww . . . too bad the f*ckholes are so inconveniently attached to human beings. Wouldn’t it be so much better if we grew like fruit on trees and you could just pick us off one by one?

    Why? You ask? Because we fancy ourselves human beings? How silly of us, we’re just here to be consumed just like your beer. Damn! And here I thought I was a worthwhile person!!!!

    This is reason #2 why I don’t walk into bars alone.

    (Reason #1 is that the single women glare at me the minute I walk in the door, and shoot their invisible daggers my way until I run to the bathroom and leave out the window.)

    God, I think I’m going to write a post and title it, I HATE BARS.

  38. Anonymous

    I’m going to type this very, very slowly so all the horrified women can understand.

    Game isn’t just for trying to take somebody home from a bar. Cute girl in the supermarket whose number you want? Better have some game. The girl who’s checking out the same crazy scifi novels you like in the bookstore? “Hey, I’m a nerd too” isn’t gonna cut it, better have some game. Amazingly hot, brilliant, funny girl in your freaking mensa club or whatever who you want to date and marry and grow old with? Game game game.

    Obviously game is sometimes used for more immediate purposes, and some guys are assholes for sure, but fundamentally it’s a way to meet people. And remember: what girls decide to do with the guys that get their interest for five minutes is completely up to them, not us.

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