Another night, another club, another girl. It’s going well with this one but you feel like you are doing all the work. She has a big group of friends she keeps talking to and it seems like if you don’t keep re-initiating conversation, the pick-up is over. Finally you decide to do a test: hang around but do not restart the conversation. Does she come to you? In this case she doesn’t. She doesn’t even look your way.
In this type of situation you can either leave, float around her general vicinity, or barrel through until you get a 100% clear sign she isn’t interested. But it’s easy to dismiss disinterest as something else. Maybe she is the type of girl who is shy around guys. Maybe she’s just playing hard-to-get. “Oh, she really wants it.”
There are three main degrees of interest a girl can have in you. The first is no interest. You don’t waste your time with these, and even if you wanted to, she wouldn’t give you the time of day. The second is lukewarm interest. She could like you, but she has to “get to know” you. This could take time, and may or may not be worth it depending on the girl. The third is instant interest. She saw you, and within two seconds she was attracted to you. There is something about your look or vibe that got her attention quickly.
There was a time when I would have pushed until I was absolutely certain it wasn’t going anywhere. But now do I really want to put in energy to pursue mediocre, aloof club girls? What exactly is my return on investment? Many players don’t think like this. They are machines, going after every opportunity, unrelenting. They have the shotgun approach.
The shotgun player does not care if a girl is showing interest or not; he’s going to fire and see what he hits. The second type of player has the kitchen sink approach. He has built a one-of-a-kind sink through years of experience and patiently waits for something to fall through the drain. The shotgun player gets more women, but he puts in the most amount of work and energy. He doesn’t make it look that easy. The kitchen sink player gets much less women, but he puts in very little energy.
It doesn’t matter to the shotgun player if the girl comes back or not. He will go back in and push until the girl turns her back to him. But the kitchen sink player does care. His whole system relies on screening out girls who are not willing to invest energy into him. He knows that if she does come back, he’s going to have a much easier time getting what he wants from her because she is willing to put in much of the work it takes to get her in bed.
I think men owe it to themselves to try both ways of playing the game. Each man’s personality is probably geared towards one method, and you won’t know unless you commit to both of them. From my experience, the shotgun approach is much more exciting. Your phone is blowing up with numbers, you are going out on a lot of dates, and you get more sexual variety. But it’s tiring. You are putting your lifeblood into girls you end up not liking. Kitchen sink approach is irregular and slow, but ultimately more satisfying. The emotional connection is greater because she is investing as much energy into you as you are to her. There’s more reciprocation.
In the end it comes down to how badly you want to get laid tonight. If you don’t care then you can afford to wait around until a girl bites. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long night.