DOES SHE COME BACK?

Another night, another club, another girl. It’s going well with this one but you feel like you are doing all the work. She has a big group of friends she keeps talking to and it seems like if you don’t keep re-initiating conversation, the pick-up is over. Finally you decide to do a test: hang around but do not restart the conversation. Does she come to you? In this case she doesn’t. She doesn’t even look your way.

In this type of situation you can either leave, float around her general vicinity, or barrel through until you get a 100% clear sign she isn’t interested. But it’s easy to dismiss disinterest as something else. Maybe she is the type of girl who is shy around guys. Maybe she’s just playing hard-to-get. “Oh, she really wants it.”

There are three main degrees of interest a girl can have in you. The first is no interest. You don’t waste your time with these, and even if you wanted to, she wouldn’t give you the time of day. The second is lukewarm interest. She could like you, but she has to “get to know” you. This could take time, and may or may not be worth it depending on the girl. The third is instant interest. She saw you, and within two seconds she was attracted to you. There is something about your look or vibe that got her attention quickly.

There was a time when I would have pushed until I was absolutely certain it wasn’t going anywhere. But now do I really want to put in energy to pursue mediocre, aloof club girls? What exactly is my return on investment? Many players don’t think like this. They are machines, going after every opportunity, unrelenting. They have the shotgun approach.

The shotgun player does not care if a girl is showing interest or not; he’s going to fire and see what he hits. The second type of player has the kitchen sink approach. He has built a one-of-a-kind sink through years of experience and patiently waits for something to fall through the drain. The shotgun player gets more women, but he puts in the most amount of work and energy. He doesn’t make it look that easy. The kitchen sink player gets much less women, but he puts in very little energy.

It doesn’t matter to the shotgun player if the girl comes back or not. He will go back in and push until the girl turns her back to him. But the kitchen sink player does care. His whole system relies on screening out girls who are not willing to invest energy into him. He knows that if she does come back, he’s going to have a much easier time getting what he wants from her because she is willing to put in much of the work it takes to get her in bed.

I think men owe it to themselves to try both ways of playing the game. Each man’s personality is probably geared towards one method, and you won’t know unless you commit to both of them. From my experience, the shotgun approach is much more exciting. Your phone is blowing up with numbers, you are going out on a lot of dates, and you get more sexual variety. But it’s tiring. You are putting your lifeblood into girls you end up not liking. Kitchen sink approach is irregular and slow, but ultimately more satisfying. The emotional connection is greater because she is investing as much energy into you as you are to her. There’s more reciprocation.

In the end it comes down to how badly you want to get laid tonight. If you don’t care then you can afford to wait around until a girl bites. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long night.

11 thoughts on “DOES SHE COME BACK?

  1. Jay Gatsby

    I’d agree more with the latter approach, in that the most successful interaction with a woman is a two-way street. By constantly expending energy in the form of re-initiating a stalled conversation, you’re not requiring her to do any work. Put differently, you’re supplicating to her and not creating any sense of desire for you in her mind. Show your interest and let her reciprocate.

  2. TC the Terrible

    As noted here before, I’ve been out of the game for a couple of years now but I doubt that the basics have changed that much. For me it was pretty easy to get laid if that was all I was shooting for. Just strike up a conversation with someone that looked like they were looking for a conversation. Pay attention to what they were saying, make a few witty comments, and then take them to bed. So of course most guys go with that method.

    The kitchen sink method is better over the long term, but in it’s own way requires tremendous effort. Most guys under 30 do not have the ability to walk away from a potential notch. If they are out and not doing well they will begin to panic and take a shot at anything that walks upright. It takes mega-effort for them to let a piece of tail slide by. These boys/men often feel like failures for not scoring at least once every couple of days.

    For them to succeed they need to do what a friend suggested I try. It really helped me, and gave me the tools I needed to close on the one deal that was perfect for me, my wife. The version of the game that my friend insisted I begin to play was simple. Go out like always, hit on random women (especially ones that were out of my league), get them interested in me, and then walk away. I might or might not call them back later, but for that night I would try to get them in bed and then not close the deal. Knowing that I wasn?t getting any that night before I went out took the pressure off of me, and allowed me to get better at my game.

    In a much smaller pond (Memphis) this also helped because players stood out more in the crowd. It let me build an interest in what may or may not happen and it gave me the confidence I needed to ?land bigger fish?.

    That?s my take on it, but I may be way the hell off base here.

  3. Jay Gatsby

    TC — I agree with your approach. Coming off like you don’t care about getting laid often throws women into confusion regarding your motivations. Of course you care about getting laid, but with age comes a bit of wisdom in the form of PATIENCE. You have nothing to prove in terms of your seduction skills to anyone but yourself. What good does sleeping with someone who is in your league, when you actually want to sleep with someone who is allegedly out of your league?

  4. Barzelay

    Wouldn’t the smart player adjust his game to the girl? Based on his likelihood of success and payoff if he does succeed, it makes sense to put in more effort when there is a higher average return.

  5. Jay Gatsby

    Not suprised TC, not surprised at all.

    Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a paradox. To bring off the “not caring” attitude, you actually have to, suprisingly enough, NOT CARE about getting laid. Most women can smell a faker a mile away, since most guys who fake “not caring” about getting laid immediately blow it when a woman gives any indications of interest.

    I guess the net result of the “not caring” attitude is that you’re pleasantly surprised if it turns out you actually get laid.

  6. DCB Post author

    “Wouldn?t the smart player adjust his game to the girl?”

    I suppose you can split game into micro-game and macro-game.

    Micro=the words and conversation, how you adjust instantly to the girl

    Macro=your overall belief system in how you see woman, and how much value they are to you.

  7. mr hanky

    i also may be wayy off base here but i wanted to share my experience.

    if theres one thing ive learned about women…its that the worse they are at accepting compliments, the more they crave them.

    like if u give a compliment to some hot chick and it barely registers, shes probably used to it. but on the contrary, if you give a compliment to another girl and she blushes or says “oh stop it…” it means u hit the mark

    so what i would do is that when i would go out, i would start talking to girls and if they seemed like the latter type…i would say something nice to them, and then walk away. a lot of girls will inherently become interested in a guy if he shows some good interest. so after walking away there was a 90% chance that i would run into the girl in the same night and we would talk, exchange numbers, and sometimes even go home together

  8. Eugenius

    I think the best approach is to use both approaches……based on the environment and immediate needs. In my case, if ass is on my mind, I learned that stalling/hesitating/being patient does not pay off. I smashed many more by being friendly and a bit mysterious (in my experience the best combination), than being cool and collect while taking my time.

    Quality can become a sticking point, but if you poke enough your quality improves with your game. The only caveat is if something amazing comes along while you pursue “the notch” you have to be ready to close shop and pursue it, you could end up being with her long term.

    *It is ok to retire your “player” jersey, for the right person, even if it only ends up being short term, otherwise you will get sick of the constant hunt.

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