There is a lot of development in Rockville, Maryland where I work. Almost every month a new office building or condominium project pops up, squeezing the native geese population out of their natural habitat. Personally I hate geese; their huge green droppings are everywhere and you have to walk with your head down like you have a self-esteem problem.

I was walking to the 7-11 near my job yesterday for a taquito snack when I hear a woman screaming. I look about 100 feet away and see this goose flying right at her. I felt like I should help her but I was stunned that this bird was trying to take out a human… and winning! Four other guys join me in the viewing and we just stood there, watching in amazement. She fell on her ass and the goose kept trying to go for her face. Eventually the goose gave up. One guy said, “It’s cause she’s wearing black. Geese don’t like black.”

To make up for not helping, I yell out, “Are you okay?” She was okay.

Then she walks to us and says, “Do you know who I can call about that?”

Yeah, a self-defense class. I would have grabbed its neck and swung it around Petey Pablo style, like a helicopter.

14 thoughts on “DUCK DUCK..

  1. Liz

    I hate it when people just gawk. Couple weeks ago I was changing a friend’s flat tire (because they did not know how to do it, sadly), and people kept walking by and staring. I didn’t need any help, but it just pissed me off for some reason. Finally I said to someone “unless you want to help, quit staring and get the fuck out of here.” I hate it when people gawk almost as much as I hate rubberneckers on the highway.

  2. CruelHazel

    Geese are mean little creatures.
    I don’t know. I wouldn’t feel bad about not helping her out. She’s got about a hundred pounds and opposable thumbs over that bird. It would seem that she should be able to fend it off herself.

  3. Liz

    I did NOT expect a guy to do it. I was changing my boyfriend’s tire. It just annoys me when people are walking by, then slow down, stare, and say/do nothing to be productive. I needed no help, although it would have been less rude to ask if I had needed it, rather than gawking like an asshole.

  4. Liz

    If a goose tried to attack me I’d kill it, take it home, and cook it up for dinner. Mmmmmmmmm… 😛

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