“HI I NEED THOSE CONDOMS WITH SPECIAL ANAESTHETIC SO I FEEL NOTHING DURING SEX”

A recent study has been done to determine the severity of premature ejaculation in American males. The scientists gave females a timer to calculate how long it took until their partner blasted. How humiliating for the guys. They were probably pumping away while their girlfriend stared at the clock wondering when it would be over. There are some things that would make me last a while in bed, and a girl with a timer in her hand would definitely be one of them. My parents watching would be the other.

About 200 of the men in the study suffered from premature ejaculation, they found. A man with the condition took 1.8 minutes to ejaculate after beginning intercourse compared to 7.3 minutes for most of the men.

I guess my average of 26.8 minutes is pretty good then.

There are all types of myths on why you are a two-pump chump, like you’re jerking off too much or watching too much porn, but I think it’s really due to being too sensitive from not jerking off enough. Next time a girlfriend catches you in the act just say you’re doing it to better please her. But if you’re sister catches you when you’re jerking because you thought she was at basketball practice and would call you when she needs a ride, tell her it’s her fault for not knocking on the door when porn was obviously playing in the background. “I thought you were doing push-ups.” Right.

8 thoughts on ““HI I NEED THOSE CONDOMS WITH SPECIAL ANAESTHETIC SO I FEEL NOTHING DURING SEX”

  1. hapiface

    I jerk off all the time. As a result i can last as long as i want to 99% of the time i have sex, and 100% when i use condoms, plus i can finish within 20 seconds or so of when i decide im tired. I think it must be that jerking off builds muscles down there or something, either that or i was genetically blessed…….

  2. Pieface

    I give oral pleasure to my women and alternate between wild and gentle intercourse in several different positions. Variety is the spice of life and a 3-5 hour love session is the icing.

    Ladies, if you don’t have a man like me…

  3. josh

    I give oral pleasure to my women and alternate between wild and gentle intercourse in several different positions. Variety is the spice of life and a 3-5 hour love session is the icing.

    Ladies, if you don?t have a man like me?

    Comment by Pieface on 04/17/05.

    +1

  4. O-FACE

    Slayer is the name. I can last about 5 hrs. Most women burn out like hummingbirds. I’m more like a geese on a path of migration with my stamina. I know. What i did to build my endurance was continuous porn and masterbation. I can control my rocks until i feel she had enuff or i’m tired of hit ting that ass.

  5. Pieface

    most can’t last the marathons, but they do see the face of God when they have the multiple O’s and I appreciate it when with their drooping eyes and spent breath say “thank you”

  6. Marc

    For one, I’d like to see a guy on the internet say he’s bad at sex.

    Why the fuck would you want to hump for 5 hours?

    If I fucked for 5 hours, neither of us could walk.

    I fucked a chick for an hour and she couldn’t pee her pussy hurt so much the next day.

    5 hours 🙄

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