HIGH TIDE

It’s a shame to see the tide turning against the Senator so rapidly. The kissy-kissy CPMC comments section has deteriorated with so many trolls that it makes my comments section look like the Care Bear happy hour. And with people freely ridiculing them, I’m not sure how they are going to return back to the time when you can read their posts without throwing up in your mouth. There hasn’t been an original, creative, or funny post on that site in months.

It is very unfortunate to watch the Senator, a grown adult, completely break down on the internet and start threatening to remove links (in a horrible regurgitation of one of my rather amusing posts). I can only imagine him sitting in front of his computer – in the middle of what I’m sure is another really busy work day – getting red in the face and all teary with emotion as he just can’t understand why everyone isn’t as interesting as him. And why other men’s girlfriends aren’t as hot as his. And why everyone else doesn’t start an exclusive mens club and smoke cigars while other people make fun of you for having the mentality of a little boy in a tree house that daddy built.

And that comes down to the differences between us; the Senator with his “dream” of reaching 1000 hits a day to put up ads, and me, whose dream of offending as many easy women as possible is accomplished weekly. Sure I’m living the life and many men wish to be me, but I’m offended by the Senator. I’m not offended as a blogger, or even as a man, but as an accomplished manipulator of people who can’t understand how people are not seeing through his gentlemanly act candy shell and into the typical insecure little man “please please give me attention because I wish I was Kelly Ann Collins so bad that her former roommate is now like totally my best friend” gooey center.

Senator: If you are reading this right now, which I doubt since I’ve had to ban you multiple times for “anonymous” trolling, I implore you to please shut down your page before you become a laughing stock. You’re not far from it as it is. No one takes you seriously anymore, and you won’t make much money if your page eventually reaches your ultimate life dream goal. Judging by the amount of bloggers that make fun of you on your page and to me in private, it’s just a matter of time until your friends stop taking you seriously as well.

Remember when you first published your blog and you e-mailed me nicely asking for a link? You seemed like a good guy so I gave you that link, and Kelly Ann and I played a large part in giving you the audience you have today. Unfortunately, though, I made a horrible mistake, and gave a two-faced gossip a chance to be heard in the local scene. I feel like Rocky Balboa in Rocky V when he trained up-and-comer Tommy Gunn. Tommy got all cocky and decided to get trained by a flashy Don King clone promoter, but turns out that Rocky was key to guiding him to success. This was obvious in the end when he couldn’t even beat up the retired Rocky in a street fight. The point of this analogy is that I will never forgive myself. I welcomed your page onto my own, only to be disgraced by your retarded, attention-whoring personality. It’s very easy to pretend to be a different person online, but as time goes on you slip and your fake persona gets exposed for all to see and the gentlemanly fraud that you are is looked upon by everyone else as nothing but a pathetic cover-up of a weak character. The truth always comes out in the end.

Oh, and can you please stop mentioning the way you and the Florist met, when she had to approach you? It kinda sounds like you just went out with the first girl who talked to you. And the fact that you are freely admitting that a woman has more balls than you leads to the ultimate irony: the president of a men’s club is going out with a girl who is more man than him.

81 thoughts on “HIGH TIDE

  1. LaLa

    Word, DCB. I read you because you entertain me and you seem to have a grasp on the truth that you are not some sort of “blogger on high,” but just a normal (often douche-y) guy who has a good sense of humor. I love that you admit that you’re a shameless attention whore. If only “The Senator” had a modicrum of your self-awareness.

    CPMC is a joke. Way to ride the coat-tails of DCB, KAC, DCist, etc. Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted.

    ‘Cause it’s over.

  2. The MaDAsIaN

    Great post!!! So im assuming you dont like the Senator?? CPMC is a bunch of losers anyways. They write about uninteresting shit and just plain out suck.

  3. The Masterbater

    Do you believe this THE CPMC HAS BANNED ME MY COMMENTS!! I don’t know why :rolleyes2:?? IM HURT HAA!! What happened to their “Freedom of Speech” I guess they couldn’t take my criticism. What a bunch of losers!!

  4. holiday

    Whoa! Way to vent your aggressions on the CPMC. I stopped reading that blog and most of the others. Yours is the only one that keeps me entertained.

  5. Pingback: DCist

  6. DC Cookie

    Remember though…the CPMC has a broad spectrum of members, most of who don’t post on the blog at all – including one in particular who I’m very fond of. It’s not just about the blog.

    Ah blog drama… (gets popcorn).

  7. J.P.

    It seems like since the beginning CPMC were a group of yuppies who read about “blogging” in businessweek and decided to cash in on the trend. Reading their site it seems as though they fancy themselves self-appointed authorities on everything, which in and of itself is something not that bad– I’d say I am just as guilty of it.

    I’ve read DCB from before it was DCB. The good thing about DCB/the authorof this site was I think in general he didn’t take himself TOO seriously. Also, along with his tongue in cheek essays on women and dating he included a certain amount of generally NOT aggrandizing information on his real life and he does it in a funny and endearing fashion. The irony of the blogging world is you tend to get popular if your goal is just to “keep it real” (as cliche as that is) rather than focusing on getting popular. I’ve never read much of CPMC, mostly because when I look over there the site seems obsessed with being CPMC instead of producing some interesting content.

  8. Miss Penny Lane

    Let’s not forget that CPMC (which doesn’t have a president) is more than a blog and more guys than The Senator. He may be the one pissing you off, but that doesn’t make it cool to publicly slam his girlfriend, or the rest of the guys.

    See you tonight! I’ll be the one without any weapons. 😉

  9. Sudamericana

    Cannot wait for the reviews of the HH and the CPMC/DCB encounter by those who attend. I am sure tomorrow is gonna be one of the funniest blogging days.

    I hope this whole feud doesn’t opaque the elimidate thing, which is just as hilarious.

    DCB, I have to say that no one tops you as manipulator/ entertainer/attention seeker… pulling out two events of such magnitude in one night. Damn, you are good… and CPMC absolutely sucks, but I guess everyone knows that by now.

  10. Aja

    This is like the Westside story with the Sharks and Jets (who were the white ones?).I agree with Lala, your douche appeal is what keeps me coming back. Keep keeping reala and you’ll always have readers. I have visited CPMC a few times; not feeling it. Perhaps it is your grime as well.

  11. Miss Penny Lane

    P.S. I don’t think, even before this, that any members of CPMC were planning on coming tonight, except for maybe The Chef. Well, at least he’ll be there so you can tell him to his face how boring you find his recipe posts.

  12. Anonymous

    MPL is right that it isn’t just The Senator there, but this recent post on their blog is signed CPMC and not The Senator. So if they don’t all want to be a part of this they should have a chat with their sometimes-bitchy member.

  13. Sudamericana

    Aja,

    The white ones were the Jets, so I’m assuming they are the CPMC. Although I don’t really see DCB as the Puerto Rican type, yours was a great analogy anyway.

    BTW, I was Anita in a West Side Story play at high school… This has absolutely nothing to do here, but your comment brought back good memories and caught me “writing out loud”.

  14. Kathryn

    I really don’t consider the above a public slam of The Florist. DCB is saying she’s ballsier than The Senator. That puts him down, not her.

    Unlike The Senator’s comments about me on MPL’s blog, which were unprovoked, public, and nasty.

    Oh yeah, and I’m his friend’s girlfriend. Interesting, that.

  15. The MaDAsIaN

    Now Kathryn I don’t think the Senator’s comments were very gentlemanly was it. Maybe he is finally showing his true colors because he can’t handle the pressure of the “monkeys” being on his back.

  16. Anonymous

    Right on, DCB. I am glad to see that the blogging community has caught on to the ways of the CPMC’s wannabe Senator. This lying, cheating manipulator is nowhere near the renaissance man he claims to be. His blog is elitist and sexist, how can someone whose track record shows treating women disrespectfully write tips on how to treat women? Glad to see people are seeing through this smoke-screen.

  17. Sudamericana

    Ha ha ha… Kathryn, for the record, I DID NOT post the comment that asked “How can anyone qualify as Girlfriend after 4 weeks?”. I think you can qualify as a girlfriend since day 1, if the other person agrees with that. I am keeping track, though, because I looooove your blog.

    And MPL, I never judge on other people’s relationship.

    I cannot believe someone is using my moniker… it kinda makes me feel popular, yet it is way too senatorial for my taste.

  18. Muffin

    Wait, I want some effing details if I’m going to be amused by this bitch fight. What did The Senator do exactly to spawn this blog “war”? Details bitches!

  19. LaLa

    Muffin:

    You mean BESIDES dubbing himself “The Senator” and writing tepid, trite, thinly-vieled racist/mysoginistic diatribes under the guise of being a “gentleman?” (I don’t care what you write as long as you’re up front about who you are. I don’t agree with DCB 80% of the time, but at least he’s honest and funny.) Or besides riding DCB’s coattails for months and then biting the hand that fed him? (Same with KAC and DCist, I might add.) Or besides being an attention whore who tries to act like he’s not? (Again, don’t care if you’re an attention whore: just admit it.)

  20. The Senator

    DCB this is getting out of hand. I dont want to fight anymore since everyone thinks I am a fool. The only attention my blog gets now is when it has something to do with you. Can we be friends. You know what….. I love it when the rest of the CPMC crew shove bananas in my anus. If we become friends I will let you have a go as well.

  21. The Senator

    I love hairy men. Licking the texture of a hairy anus is so nice against my tongue. It?s the gentlemanly thing to do. Be sure to read my next post about Salad Tossing Etiquette

  22. CPMC

    Now this is getting OUTRAGOUS!!! DCB You are going to need to stop these ppl stealing the Senators Moniker!!! We do NOT and WE mean DO NOT stick bananas inside the Senators ASS!! His ASS is to LOOSE for that we stick Cucumbers in his Anus. He seems to get more of a satisfaction with it.

  23. Anonymous

    I cannot wait to hear if DCB and the Senator are still alive after the happy hour. As an anonymous reader who reads all the DC blogs, I have to say they both seem completely immature. Completely different. And neither are really as good as they think they are. Both going downhill fast. Give me others anyday –

  24. seenster

    Am I kinda sucked into this blog war too? I’m gonna be the Sweden of this…neutral and socialist.

    On a related note, I’m epileptic and I mountain climb, sometimes. Thanks for the support.

  25. The Senator

    Dont worry Seenster, your lack of uninteresting commenatry and racist coke headed views make you worthless in this blog war. I on the other hand find you very attractive. When you feel like mountain climbing on my body let me know.

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