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House parties are usually a better bet for guys than clubs or bars. The girls are more friendly and therefore easier to pick up. But there are times I rather be in the most mega-cheesy club of all than in a lame house party with one cute girl that all the guys form a circle around.

The way to tell if a house party is going to be good or not is to listen to what people say about the party beforehand. If the following statements are uttered, DO NOT GO TO THE PARTY.

1. “This party was really good last year.” It was good because YOU didn’t know about it. But now you are going to invite all of your lame guy friends because you heard it was good. You and ten other sets of guys.

2. “The evite had a lot of girl names.” In this case, guys see the evite loaded with girls and invites all his monthly circle jerk buddies without replying on the evite (to not raise suspicions). You get to the party and – SURPRISE – Chad and his frat buddies have crashed the party and pissed off all the girls.

3. Similar to number two is, “I hear there are going to be a lot of girls.” If you hear this, it is guaranteed there will be no girls. This rumor was spread by one of the hosts to make sure his guy buddies don’t skip out on his lame house party.

4. “I think it’s going to be good because this girl invited me and she has friends.” Newsflash: you are not the only guy she invited. When the dozen other guys show up, the numbers will not be in your favor.

5. “My friend, *name of a guy*, is throwing the party.” If the party is thrown by one guy, it is going to be a sausage fest. He will always know more guys than girls. If he knew more girls than guys, why would he throw the party so random guys can show up and hit on his girl friends?

Because party word spreads faster among guys than girls, the only parties that are good is when there is no buzz about it beforehand. Remember that small party you missed out because you went to the much hyped “hot tub party”? Yeah well we had a 8-person drug fueled orgy that lasted well into the morning.

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9 years, 8 months ago

My party was good for my tummie.

9 years, 8 months ago

I am always accurate about the number of women I predict will attend a party. The number of HOT girls I will never attempt to predict.

9 years, 8 months ago

I agree with this 100%, every party that I have attended that has been loaded with hotties was a complete accident. every guy planned-weeks in advance blowout turns out to be a keg stand infested, madden playing, sausage fest.

9 years, 8 months ago

My only concern with house parties is how much beer they have.

9 years, 8 months ago

My MAIN concern is the food!

9 years, 8 months ago

Wow, DCB, this is some of your finest work. Hilarious. You just earned a renewal of my bloglines subscription.



9 years, 8 months ago

Haha I really enjoyed this one – oh, how true. House parties can be pretty lame anyway…another way to tell – if it has a theme.

Picture: 80’s theme…a bunch of guys drunk dancing to like a virgin while the 2 girls there in jean skirts and scrunchies watch in horror. Ugh.

9 years, 8 months ago

So true! I selected house parties based on my gut feeling, and even though I was pretty accurate – I will come back to this entry to help me decide between this party or that party on saturday night… props.

9 years, 8 months ago

oh by the way, you left out one type of a party – a house party full of married couples or non-married couples who are heading straight towards marriage. you know the type… what do you make of that one?

9 years, 8 months ago

hey theme parties can be awesome if they are done right…

9 years, 8 months ago


DCB – agreed house parties are 1000 x’s better than cheesy clubs, but i’d take a horrible theme party over a club any day. (case in point) house parties are what you make of them. you can sneak and change the music, you can steal trophies and bottles of tequilla, you can make a mess with raw chicken and not have to clean it up, you can eat bread off the floor, and you can pee in thier bushes. not that i’ve done any of those things…

even lame sausage-fests can be hilarious if you would just stop taking life so seriously.

9 years, 8 months ago

Mental note never invited Jessa to house party unless you want to make bushes greener. And are short on plant food.

Mental log. DCB site is entertaining now that DCB is back.

Miss Metropolis
9 years, 8 months ago

InSOMnia! You no longer have the The Passion Of The Christ! :amused:

9 years, 8 months ago

MM nothing personal. Just topics I like

9 years, 8 months ago

Glad DCB is reigning over his post again. Let the “ANTI-SPINSTER” keep spinning.

8 years, 11 months ago

Eh parties are hard to predict. You could have one or more of these statements and it’s still a good party. It’s true though that the best parties are usualy the ones that aren’t talked up.

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6 years, 4 months ago