I BLAME SEX AND THE CITY

I present you with the absolute worst new DC blog: DC Divas.

On a side note, why is it that this year when I go tanning it’s like all these guys go tanning now? I know there is the whole idea of the metrosexual and guys primping and shit but COME ON! You look like total fagots coming out of a tanning bed and your more tan then any girl in the whole place!!!

From this amazingly witty observation we can conclude that the authors are still in college… community college. Note the exclamation point usage.

I give this guy a fake number, you know my real number with a few numbers changed inbetween, and he’s like ok I’m going to call you write now so you have mine. BUSTED! I was like what? He was like, get your phone out and I’m calling you. HOW EMBARRASSING! I could not believe I got caught in such a situation so he got pissed and said a few choice words and walked away.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

The fake phone number guy made a serious mistake by going for the number of a girl who seems to regularly put out after thirty minutes of meeting a guy. If you can’t spot the obvious whore in the bar then you don’t deserve to get laid. Usually she’s the one who is grinding on half of the guys in the bar – when there isn’t even any hip hop music playing. The only thing that stops her from having sex right there on the dance floor is her friends who have to constantly pull her away from horny guys that are convinced they’re getting some.

So anyway we go back to their place and they weren’t lieing they did have a case of beer! The funny part was we probably had one beer before the hook up lines start coming out.. “You have a really nice figure, you must work out a lot?”, “You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen”, and then there was the line he thought would real me in… drum roll please! “Your eyes are beautiful, I could get lost staring into them” Little did he know (he must not read our blog!) he was already going to get some.

This validates my position that girls decide if they want to have sex with me or not way before I get her into my place. Back in the day I did some experimentation on how bad of an excuse I can use and still get a girl to come over. I will share the only excuse that didn’t work:

“Hey how about you come over and check out my new potted plant?”

She laughed and said, “Yeah right.” Then I just got her in my car and drove to my place. That was the birth of my no-excuse excuse, followed immediately by the toaster excuse.

We aren’t just dirty sluts that run around have sex with every guy we come across (we do have some standards)

The fact that they have to actually say this is a little disturbing. And notice how they said “some standards” instead of just standards. I have a feeling these girls are the ones who are having sex with guys who use really lame pick up lines. Why else would guys still be using them unless they are encouraged every now and then by easy girls who overuse the exclamation point? Female readers: when a guy uses a lame line on you, just remember that it worked on someone before… someone with standards lower than yours will ever get.

When I’m drunk, if there’s an elevated platform anywhere the chances are that i’m going to dance on it. And I love it when i know guys are staring up my skirt. It’s really hot.

I don’t care how old I get, but nothing beats the cheap thrill of “accidentally” catching a look up a skirt. I’m going to be that dirty old man who puts a mirror at the bottom of his cane.

OMG! so we are totally out and about and run into these guys that we met awhile back. I had “done a few things” with hot ass and C. was totally all ginding on sweet cock and she totally wanted to feel his manhood but didn’t get the chance cause he had a girlfriend at the time so they just made out a little.

I really hope this blog is fake.

– Credit: DC Blogs.

40 thoughts on “I BLAME SEX AND THE CITY

  1. sara

    I have not really looked at this DC Divas blog, so I’ll pass no judgement yet.

    But, please note… DC Diva’s blog has nothing to do with Lil DC Diva from The Butterfly Network!

  2. Washington Cube

    :::tugging at DCB’s sleeve:::

    I wanna write like DC Diva when I grow up. Finally. A role model. I must remember “..I totally want to feel your manhood.” :shy:

  3. Elvis

    I now know what a mid-life crisis is. I’m fucking depressed. I took a cursory glance at it for morbid curiosity. These “Divas” hang out at Rhino? What kinda divas are those? More like… Dives.

  4. DC Cookie

    Truly inspired by Jessica Cutler. But at least Jessica knew how to spell… Why didn’t they call themselves ‘DC Trailer Trash?’

  5. CrazyGirl

    “Oh how easy it is to manipulate wasted guys. I guess it’s more of a game then anything, to see how many of them actually succumb to our demands!”

    Nice. Whorish comments like this one give girls the gold-digging reputation.

  6. nabeel

    re: the fake number … give the guy more credit. he busted her for giving a fake number and didn’t fall for the whole ploy

  7. Liz

    Sounds like they’re still in high school, not CC, to me.

    And what the hell is wrong with schools today?? When I was in elementary school they pounded spelling and grammar into us…

    Whatever schools these little trolls went to obviously did not.

  8. LaLa

    “From this amazingly witty observation we can conclude that the authors are still in college? community college. Note the exclamation point usage.”

    If you change the word “authors” to “author” and the words “exclamation point” to “emoticon,” you’ve got yourself a true statement.

  9. Liz

    Another thing that I think is a hoot is that she/they refer to themselves as “promiscuous young adults” but then a few lines down say that they have *some* standards.

    Real bright ones we got here…

  10. mass

    Now there’s some funny stuff. I think the “ginding [sic] on sweet cock,” “feel his manhood,” and the whole “I love it when i know guys are staring up my skirt. It?s really hot” come straight out of Penthouse Letters.

    Now we need some more euphemisms for sexual organs, like rod and box and tool. Oh yeah, and “man meat.” Preferably with a pool of adjectives to use interchangeably: hot, dripping, rigid, throbbing, swollen, lush, hungry, etc….

    “My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.”

  11. DCB Post author

    Lala:

    i’m not surprised at your hater comment, considering you are a COLLEGE STUDENT who probably does what the “dc diva’s” do.

  12. Anonymous

    I really hope that the majority of women aren’t like those DC diva’s, they got no class.

  13. Liz

    “Worst part is?we?re probably going to read it every day now just to make fun of it? (note to self?)”

    Well of course. What else would we do to pass the work day away? 😀

  14. LaLa

    Yes, DCB, I am indeed a “college student.”

    Have you ever heard of grad school?

    It’s what some people do in their mid-twenties and beyond to become more educated and increase their earning potential.

    Perhaps you should look into it.

  15. James

    I think the fake number busting was from one of those DDE newsletters. I vaguely recall him saying to call it and leave a funny message as if she wasn’t there.

  16. Liz

    I think I shall check this site out again today, when I have nothing to do at work. Hurray for time wasters!

  17. Anonymous

    I think this comment from their blog pretty much says it all…

    “Misty Raines said…
    I’ve just read your blog for the first…and last time. Here are some observatoins:
    1) There is no way that you girls live in the District…I’m guessing Maryland…Alexandria at best.
    2) You have to admit…you come off slutty.
    3) Please tell me that you are interns…it will make so much more sense.
    4) The last time someone called themselves a Diva was in 1999, which I’m guessing is when you started geting perms.
    5) Is your dream car a Misubishi Eclipse?
    6) Are you aware of the sheer amount of mocking going on at your expense on other DC Blogs?
    7) You go to bars like Rhino and Millie and Al’s don’t you?
    8) You have been rejected at the door at Blue Gin havent you? ”

    – From the DC Divas Blog

  18. AsianMistress

    Blogging is free speech…but wow. BTW we are all some haters. Hehe.

    And come on DCB, let’s not blame Sex & the City…we really should blame something else – like the OC for their actions. Or maybe the shortly lived television show of Sweet Valley High?

  19. AsianMistress

    One more note – please – kill me if I ever write like this:

    “So Saturday = SERIOUS SEX SCANDAL!
    OMG! so we are totally out and about and run into these guys that we met awhile back. I had “done a few things” with hot ass and C. was totally all ginding on sweet cock and she totally wanted to feel his manhood but didn’t get the chance cause he had a girlfriend at the time so they just made out a little. I want to say he touched her nipps but I’m not positive. SO we are definetly trying to pursade these guys to go to Adams Morgan with us and they finally give in ditching their friends.”

    Sweet.

    By the way…they go out in Adams Morgan? I’m done. It’s Blue Gin type establishments from now on.

  20. Nan

    Like, OMG!, these girls needs to spend less time watching Mischa Barton and more time bonding with Spell Check & books (the things with pages & letters in them, DC Ditzes)

  21. Miss Penny Lane

    Dirty Dancing? Sweet Home Alabama? Jessica Simpson & Britney Spears?? God help us all. They dismantled their blog, probably due to this post. So, THANK YOU, Bach. I don’t think I could have helped myself from editing them for content, clarity, spelling, stupidity, etc. Personally, I think they’re in high school.

  22. Miss Penny Lane

    Asian Mistress–there was a Sweet Valley High TV show?? Damn, missed that one. JK. I will admit that I actually had book 1 through 20-something, but this was in the early 80s when I was in middle school, so s’all good!

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