Six more DC blogs are up for review by the mysterious Illuminati. A couple blogs de-linked me after the last round of hate, and I expect more of the same this time. But look on the bright side: at least I link your blog. I won’t be providing any introductory comments this time around.
Murdoc: Something doesn’t add up. A divorced bird lives with her fat boyfriend and a dog in Virginia. No city. No crazy adventures. Just a [[censored]] spewing shit about nothing. I’d rather call me mum.
Egg Shen: This girl’s blog title says it all for Egg Shen. She really is kookoo for cocoa puffs. Kicked out of Air Force for being whacko. Now she takes it out on us with her teeny, tiny little font and her blog diarrhea. Where’s Corporal Klinger when you need him?
Brutus: With all of these ridiculous stories, drama either follows her like a shadow, or she’s making this shit up. Either way, this longwinded witless tripe makes me want to overmedicate her. Your boyfriend is a very unlucky man.
Murdoc: Oh, don’t we all just hate the Dirty Vag? I wonder what a gay boy could have against the vag… Oh right. Well then. Why don’t you take your deep-rooted fear of women, your near-invisible pussy posse, and watch a few more episodes of Laguna Beach? Surely there are some screaming girl-phrases you haven’t picked up and worn into the ground just yet?
Egg Shen: Egg Shen say it is better to be thought a fool and remain silent than blog about your boring assed life and remove all doubt. These turds are like a white trash version of “Three’s Company”. Egg Shen say shut the fuck up, DC Urban Family. You are not hip or provocative and nobody cares. NO. BODY.
Brutus: 1- Shirtless Thursday. 2- *Hands Flutter*. 3- I like starbucks. 4- Rinse and repeat. Did I get the gist of it? Wake me up when you have something original to say.
Egg Shen: [[censored]]
Murdoc: Oh, bloody hell. This bird is a Hooters Girl? Does she work at the [[censored]] Hooters in the US, then? I mean, who made this shite up, man? Nascar? Bar bitch tales? All I gotta say is [[censored]] fell out of the old [[censored]] tree and hit every branch on the way down. Somebody step on her neck and put us all out of our misery.
Brutus: Hey, another fabulous 23 year old girl blogger. You’re fabulous, honey, you’re really fabulous. Do you feel good about yourself now? Good, now go play with your dollies and leave the blogging to the adults you fucking vapid hack.
Brutus: Not only did someone marry this gun-toting lunatic, but now he’s breeding? God help us all.
Murdoc: Who gave fucking King Kong a weapon? No matter what this bloke writes about – walking his mutts, riding the tube, his preggo wife – I picture him with one hand on his substitute dick, ready to gun down anyone who looks the slightest bit dodgy. Kind of like Homer Simpson, shooting out the lights in every room before turning in. Nobody tattoo a target on his baby…
Egg Shen: Egg Shen think that blog title a misspelling. Should be called: “Son of Klan Ops”. Stay out in suburbs where you belong, redneck. Better yet, do us all a favor and take you and your kinfolk somewhere with better access to guns, Jee-zus, and pretty white robes. You make Mao look like Captain Kangaloo.
Brutus: I wish you could hear the sound of my head banging against the wall as I read your inane post about Arby’s chicken sandwiches. No one fucking cares what kind of champagne you drink while flicking the bean – get a life.
Murdoc: I’ve not run across a needier bird in my lifetime. Every bloody word screams “like me, like me!” And what sort of nutter writes one day about trying to get knocked up and the next about getting a vibrator delivery? No more news about your snatch, please. Cheers.
Egg Shen: Gah! Another big, sassy black woman! But oh-so boring. Egg Shen just hope bastard baby is not as stupid as its mother.
Brutus: City Sparkle, the name that reminds me of Mr. Sparkle from the Simpsons. But not as funny.
Murdoc: How many words can it possibly take to get across the message that a young bird is lonely, needy, stupid, undateable, and absolutely desperate for male contact? I don’t know, mate. How many words have already been wasted on this blog?
Egg Shen: Egg Shen want to sue this girl for false advertisement. [[censored]] Get back into the cave, Frodo. Stop trying to play with the big kids.
I need to go shower now.