THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF DC BLOGS: ROUND 2

Six more DC blogs are up for review by the mysterious Illuminati. A couple blogs de-linked me after the last round of hate, and I expect more of the same this time. But look on the bright side: at least I link your blog. I won’t be providing any introductory comments this time around.

Crazy Girl City.

Murdoc: Something doesn’t add up. A divorced bird lives with her fat boyfriend and a dog in Virginia. No city. No crazy adventures. Just a [[censored]] spewing shit about nothing. I’d rather call me mum.

Egg Shen: This girl’s blog title says it all for Egg Shen. She really is kookoo for cocoa puffs. Kicked out of Air Force for being whacko. Now she takes it out on us with her teeny, tiny little font and her blog diarrhea. Where’s Corporal Klinger when you need him?

Brutus: With all of these ridiculous stories, drama either follows her like a shadow, or she’s making this shit up. Either way, this longwinded witless tripe makes me want to overmedicate her. Your boyfriend is a very unlucky man.

DC Urban Family.

Murdoc: Oh, don’t we all just hate the Dirty Vag? I wonder what a gay boy could have against the vag… Oh right. Well then. Why don’t you take your deep-rooted fear of women, your near-invisible pussy posse, and watch a few more episodes of Laguna Beach? Surely there are some screaming girl-phrases you haven’t picked up and worn into the ground just yet?

Egg Shen: Egg Shen say it is better to be thought a fool and remain silent than blog about your boring assed life and remove all doubt. These turds are like a white trash version of “Three’s Company”. Egg Shen say shut the fuck up, DC Urban Family. You are not hip or provocative and nobody cares. NO. BODY.

Brutus: 1- Shirtless Thursday. 2- *Hands Flutter*. 3- I like starbucks. 4- Rinse and repeat. Did I get the gist of it? Wake me up when you have something original to say.

Stuckina.

Egg Shen: [[censored]]

Murdoc: Oh, bloody hell. This bird is a Hooters Girl? Does she work at the [[censored]] Hooters in the US, then? I mean, who made this shite up, man? Nascar? Bar bitch tales? All I gotta say is [[censored]] fell out of the old [[censored]] tree and hit every branch on the way down. Somebody step on her neck and put us all out of our misery.

Brutus: Hey, another fabulous 23 year old girl blogger. You’re fabulous, honey, you’re really fabulous. Do you feel good about yourself now? Good, now go play with your dollies and leave the blogging to the adults you fucking vapid hack.

Son Of Clown Ops.

Brutus: Not only did someone marry this gun-toting lunatic, but now he’s breeding? God help us all.

Murdoc: Who gave fucking King Kong a weapon? No matter what this bloke writes about – walking his mutts, riding the tube, his preggo wife – I picture him with one hand on his substitute dick, ready to gun down anyone who looks the slightest bit dodgy. Kind of like Homer Simpson, shooting out the lights in every room before turning in. Nobody tattoo a target on his baby…

Egg Shen: Egg Shen think that blog title a misspelling. Should be called: “Son of Klan Ops”. Stay out in suburbs where you belong, redneck. Better yet, do us all a favor and take you and your kinfolk somewhere with better access to guns, Jee-zus, and pretty white robes. You make Mao look like Captain Kangaloo.

Chaseing Complaceny.

Brutus: I wish you could hear the sound of my head banging against the wall as I read your inane post about Arby’s chicken sandwiches. No one fucking cares what kind of champagne you drink while flicking the bean – get a life.

Murdoc: I’ve not run across a needier bird in my lifetime. Every bloody word screams “like me, like me!” And what sort of nutter writes one day about trying to get knocked up and the next about getting a vibrator delivery? No more news about your snatch, please. Cheers.

Egg Shen: Gah! Another big, sassy black woman! But oh-so boring. Egg Shen just hope bastard baby is not as stupid as its mother.

City Sparkle.

Brutus: City Sparkle, the name that reminds me of Mr. Sparkle from the Simpsons. But not as funny.

Murdoc: How many words can it possibly take to get across the message that a young bird is lonely, needy, stupid, undateable, and absolutely desperate for male contact? I don’t know, mate. How many words have already been wasted on this blog?

Egg Shen: Egg Shen want to sue this girl for false advertisement. [[censored]] Get back into the cave, Frodo. Stop trying to play with the big kids.

I need to go shower now.

33 thoughts on “THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF DC BLOGS: ROUND 2

  1. Asian Mistress

    I know you hate me out of love.

    Thanks for the traffic today. MUAH.

    I think all bloggers are a bit needy though, don’t you? Needing to hate on others to boost own blog traffic would be considered kind of needy. Kind of like the one person who picks on everyone else to detract from his or her own flaws.

    Oops I’ve written too many words.

    BTW since I’m asian and in desperate need of a man…Egg Shen – 1 am, my place?

  2. Murdoc

    Should have seen what the big man censored. I recall my man EggShen saying something about the lovechild of Margaret Cho and an Oompa Loompa.

    Nearly blew my Guinness at that one.

  3. Nicole

    Vapid. [[Censored]]. Fabulous. Short, squinty-eyed, orange-faced, green-haired, with a lewd sense of humor. Sorry to my fellow class of hatees but I concur.

  4. CrazyGirl

    While I truly do not care what anyone thinks of my blog, my font, or if I am a mental case, I would like to correct something Egg Shen said. I was not kicked out of the Air Force for being a “whacko”. My enlistment was up and I got out with an honorable discharge. Perhaps it’s silly that I feel thats the only thing worth commenting on, but I put in 9 years on active duty damnit! And, no, I don’t want a fcking medal for serving. I just don’t want people to think I actually got kicked out.

    Other than that, nice bashing.

  5. Ghettodev

    It’s the virtual world, let the people be all they can be (or image to be). No need for all the hate… they prolly have to deal with enough of that in the real world.

  6. Brutus

    What the fuck are you talking about Nicole? I guess we should have added “incoherent” to the list.

  7. The Boy

    “White Trash Three’s Company.”

    Ha ha ha…..Thanks for the laugh today.

    This one goes out to you Egg Shen:

    Come and knock on our door
    We’ve been waiting for you
    Where the kisses are hers and hers and his
    Three’s company, too!
    Come and dance on our floor
    Take a step that is new
    We’ve a loveable space that needs your face
    Three’s company, too!
    You’ll see that life is a ball again and
    laughter is callin’ for you
    Down at our rendezvous,
    Three’s company, too!

  8. jessa j

    um. listen SOM – i’m pretty sure i posted this several days ago.

    at least in his church the parishaners consist entirely of hot bitches – not limpdick mother fuckers scratching thier itchy cools.

    plus – our heaven is WAY better. we’ve got a stripper factory AND a beer volcano.

  9. Chase

    Thanks for the traffic today!
    Glad that you decided to take the time to shine the light on my blog.
    Obviously I disagree with the whole “like me like” thing. I don’t care if people like me or not.
    I may be a nut, but at least I don’t have to go and start attacking other blogs to make mine more interesting.
    I enjoy being boring and stupid. It allows me to make six figures, have good friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and a lot of confidence.
    So thanks for thinking enough of my blog (and reading it) to include it in your second round of blog hate.
    Truly, I am humbled.
    I look forward to meeting you. You know, since you already know so much about me to want to hate on someone you have never met in person. Wow…you life must be so fascinating. I am in awe. Please like me.

  10. Jinxy

    Isn?t Jinxy in the Cleveland Park Men?s Club?

    Comment by MTV Rapper on 03/22/06.

    There aren’t words to describe how fucking stupid you are.

  11. Brutus

    Jinxy maybe a crazy NRA lunatic, but saying he’s part of the CPMC is like saying “wasn’t Malcomb X part of the KKK?” But the CPMC is a little less reputable than the KKK.

  12. Alan Andrews

    Yeah– it’s called satire but it’s really the same shitty pricks we all know and love from junior high getting off by ripping on people. Talk about needing to get a life. Your schtick is tired man and John Hughes played you so much better.

  13. WTF

    I don’t see that your blog is very intelligent anyway. Why slag on other people’s blog? How about making your own blog at least readable?

  14. Pingback: Big Head Rob » A Crack in the Crazy

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