This morning someone commented that I was in the St. Patrick’s day spirit with a green t-shirt and part-green sweatshirt. I look down, think for 5 seconds (it was early) and realize that I was wearing a lot of green. Bold green. “Fuck, if I knew it was St Patrick’s Day I wouldn’t have worn this.” I was doing so well this year by being anti-society but I had to blow it today.

I hate St Patrick’s Day because of the Irish Bar, and on this day everyone wants to go to one. WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A PLACE FILLED WITH DRUNK WHITE PEOPLE AND THE STENCH OF VOMIT AND BEER? WHY???

As you get older you start to associate anything Irish with vomit. It’s simple: Irish people – and Irish bar fans – drink so much that they eventually vomit and then smell like vomit. And then they vomit in your car, promising to clean it up but they never do, leaving you with a car smelling like vinegar (the cleaning instructions said vinegar but you thought triple the vinegar would be better). And then you put baking soda to neutralize the vinegar, creating a white paste that stays on your car seat for weeks. God that sucked.


  1. fanman

    I spent my St. Patrick’s Day at this huge party downtown. I looked around and saw people booty dancing and getting trashed and realized all these people could care less about St. Patrick. I think its more people that don’t even know what the days about then the irish that get wasted and vomit all over the place for St. Patrick’s day now.

  2. DCB Post author

    People need an excuse to drink, so therefore they celebrate meaningless holidays and play stupid games that involve a 50 cent plastic ball.

    Maybe it’s because conservatives in this country make it shameful to drink? (tough drunk driving laws, absurd 21 age limit, in-your-face messages that alcohol is bad, etc)

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