This morning someone commented that I was in the St. Patrick’s day spirit with a green t-shirt and part-green sweatshirt. I look down, think for 5 seconds (it was early) and realize that I was wearing a lot of green. Bold green. “Fuck, if I knew it was St Patrick’s Day I wouldn’t have worn this.” I was doing so well this year by being anti-society but I had to blow it today.
I hate St Patrick’s Day because of the Irish Bar, and on this day everyone wants to go to one. WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A PLACE FILLED WITH DRUNK WHITE PEOPLE AND THE STENCH OF VOMIT AND BEER? WHY???
As you get older you start to associate anything Irish with vomit. It’s simple: Irish people – and Irish bar fans – drink so much that they eventually vomit and then smell like vomit. And then they vomit in your car, promising to clean it up but they never do, leaving you with a car smelling like vinegar (the cleaning instructions said vinegar but you thought triple the vinegar would be better). And then you put baking soda to neutralize the vinegar, creating a white paste that stays on your car seat for weeks. God that sucked.