Something that gives me the sweats every time I think about it is accidentally getting pregnant.

I know several friends who have all been impregnated – “accidentally” although I have my doubts about a couple of them – one was married first, three weren’t married but are getting/got married, and the last two were in one of those situations where the father wants nothing to do with the mother or the child. Some of these women were drinking and using drugs up until a few days before they realized they might be pregnant; some had only been dating the father for a few months.

This makes me wonder. I mean, we all grew up in the same town and got abstinence-only sex ed, but come on. Who leaves things up to chance these days? “Oh, well, maybe I just won’t get pregnant!” Do you know how nature works?

The most interesting part of all this is that in many of these cases, the baby is forcing some unwanted changes on the couple. I mean, obviously there’s a time to grow up and stop acting like a kid, but getting married for the sake of a baby when neither of you has a job (or the guy doesn’t have a job and you’ll be paying for everything) doesn’t seem to make the most sense to me.

Birth control can get expensive if you don’t have insurance – and even if you do – thanks, insurance companies who cover the full cost of an ED drug! – but it’s certainly cheaper than having a child. Women shouldn’t have to rely on the man to provide the goods, but why so many women are sexing it up without a backup plan is beyond me.

Don’t think that I’m accusing these women of making a mistake. I’m not. I’m happy for most of them, if they’ll be happy having a child and getting married. And maybe there’s something wrong with me for shuddering at the thought of having kids. But I can’t even take care of a plant, I’m not even remotely interested in looking at baby things or seeing children’s movies (I call them “cartoons”), and I’ve never babysat a day in my life.

So call me old-fashioned, but I think when a woman gets knocked up and has to make major lifestyle changes that she may not be ready to make, that’s just as much her fault, if not more, than her partner’s. But maybe an accidental pregnancy is what some people need to make them grow up. Or maybe situations like these are what explain the incredibly irresponsible parents around these days.

44 thoughts on “KNOKT-UP

  1. KassyK

    Great post…Women-if you can afford it and it doesnt post health risks–get on birth control and bring your own condoms as well. I can see myself have babies one day…but that day as well is WAY WAY in the future and I have had tons of experience babysitting all througout high school…being the oldest of 4 kids…being a camp counselor. Having a child will change EVERYTHING in your life.

    Ladies-men-BE careful.

  2. Rudy and Blitz

    Damn, six people? That’s absolutely insane. I know a few folks who have had “scares”, but nobody who has actually gotten knocked up.

  3. V

    Girl, tell me about it. A friend of mine who is actually younger than me just called to tell me that she’s pregger w/ her THIRD kid.

  4. Anon

    The thing that scares me is that most women seem to be more terrified of becoming pregnant than getting HIV. If you can get pregnant “accidently” than you can get HIV “accidently”. If the sperm managed to impregnant you than God only knows what else you contracted during this encounter.

  5. TC the Terrible

    Having been on the business end of a shot-gun marriage the first time around, I can testify to the fact that it is not a bowl of cheeries for the guy either Sally. I did the ‘right thing’ and married her which was ok for a while, but ended horribly. We have two great kids, but dozens of emotional scars to go with them.

    Never leave anything to chance. Wrap it up, pull it out, AND pop the pill. That’s the only way to go.


  6. Twoste

    Children are a treasure…to be buried.
    Psssych. I love kids.
    Umm, you know…don’t tango if you can’t handle the fact that your dance partner might actually be good at it.
    Consult a priest.

  7. Anonymous

    How judgmental…Sally must be a virgin, since she does not seem to realize that it can happen to anybody. I got pregnant at 22, and I was always very responsible in that department. Having a beautiful child was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have a friend who got pregnant at 17, she is a terrific mother. And no, you don’t get married because of a pregnancy. However, the whole world will judge you for having that child with no ring on your finger…kind of like Sally’s underlying judgment of her so-called friends who have become pregnant. Hopefully they are reading this, but I doubt it. Two-face…

  8. oface

    Well you could always rap your baby up in the Washington times and leave it on the doorstep of your local church…Thats what they do on Law and Order. Thats why I always blow my kids on a napkin because I don’t need the misery of Satans revenge..


    Remember that formula and don’t let it happen to you.

  9. Anonymous

    5 (yes five) of my cousins have had out of wedlock bastard children, 2 of them ended up marrying the fathers, 1 of the marriages is actually good.

    I’m so fucking paranoid about it I wrap it up, pull out, and only have sex with the woman if I trust that she’s on the pill. I’m not nearly mature enough (emotionally or financially) to raise a child and frankly none of the women I’ve slept with are marriage material, so…

  10. Wendy

    I love this post. It’s not so surprising that people are dumb and full of cum. This is how the human race has stayed afloat all these years. It feels good and a lot of people are just pleasure seeking machines. No logic involved.

    I do not think people should get married just because they are pregnant though. Poor kids. The kids should never suffer because of an ejaculation.

  11. oface

    If only more women would take it to the face this could all be prevented……But I was curious has anybody blown some “kids” inside an aquarium???????? Did the guppies and gold fish eat it?????? An enquiring mind wants to know….

  12. Charlotte

    HIV isn’t a death sentence anymore (at least not in this country if you have access). It can be treated, but not cured.

  13. TC the Terrible


    Kids can feel like a death sentence if you did not want them. Even parents that love the kids and were trying to have them feel like squeezing the little rat bastards heads off every now and then.

    Plus, the time frame for HIV killing you is something like 25 years now. Kids are with you for at least 50. That’s longer than herpes. Which is also a lot like having kids out of wedlock.

    Any girl that tells DCB or O-face that there are some kids back at the house is going to get dumped with out being pumped. Which is the exact reaction a girl gets when she tells the young stud that she’s got the herp.

    Have a nice weekend.


  14. Anonymous

    The posters on this site are generally a bunch of privileged DC kids: “5 (yes five) of my cousins have had out of wedlock bastard children,” well then I guess your family is full of a bunch of whores then, isn’t it? You come from a really prestigious blood line, don’t you? If you talk that way about your own cousins, I am afraid to imagine what you might think about people in lower social echelons than yourself. I thought the term “bastard children” was from the time of The Scarlet Letter. You are the type of person I hope some day finds out your father is really someone your mother had an affair with…judgmental prick.

  15. imstilldreaming

    Something like 1 out of 10 people don’t have the father they think they have.

  16. oface

    I never referred to any child as “Bastard”, thats cruel and unusually funny. But look out for DCB/Sally/Oface new line of “No Bastards tools” coming this fall. The kit will include napkins, double reinforced condoms, home vesectomy kit, and of course a new updated model “Turkey Baseter 2000”. Should retail around 500 dollars or the price point for a playstation 3.

  17. Ayla

    This public service announcement in responsibility, morality, and life-skills brought to you by…Sally.


  18. .

    I always *love* listening to young people, especially women, who had children unexpectedly and early ( before 26 y/o) tell how wonderful their children are, how lucky they became, how onlookers cannot possibly understand the joy until they go through with it themself, implying how worthless all non-parent’s lives are, etc. etc. etc.

    The people who use this argument, to me, often appears to doing some major self-deception. Basically, they’re pulling the wool over their own eyes, lying to themselves so badly that this bad situation is better than winning the lottery and having every other good thing happen to you tenfold times.

    It baffles me how people who barely have their life together think a significant responsibility (and financial burden) is something to welcome. Take the mid-west for example. Many of my college friends got married immediately out of undergrad, and are having kids within 1 to 2 years. Awesome! Their entry-level professional salary certainly has room to support a third head. The new parents who have job skills less than a professional level are even more intolerable to listen to.

    These people who fool themselves often are the same ones who use the “but we got married” argument when trying to justify a 8/10, semi-decent relationship “working out.”

    Personally, I’ll take saving my money, trips, and freedom for another 10 years (perhaps forever?) than tying myself down in my twenties.


  19. Heather

    Almost 20% of my graduating HIGH SCHOOL class had kids at graduation. When I go back to my home town now, I see all those women working at the local Hanaford’s with two more kids running around the store. Apparently they didn’t learn their lesson the first time..?

    Wrap it up. There’s nothing fun about being a mom or a baby daddy at 17.

  20. The King Ad Rock

    Ummm . . . it’s got to be said. Has no one ever heard of abortion? Really people, it’s still legal (at least until the Supreme Court gets their hands on it again).

  21. Anonymous

    Dumbass is not knowing how to post a fucking comment. I bet “.” will have an ugly divorce someday and his wife will get everything. He will also make for a terrible parent, seeing how little he values human life and the bond between parent and child.

    You people are so judgmental and ignorant.

  22. Anonymous

    Yes, the same people writing about how irresponsible young parents are the ones who have had or who have paid for abortions. They are so much more morally superior than those who chose to have the child. Having the child…how uneconomically feasible! And having kids before opening your law practice, what fools! They could have taken that money for diapers and formula and invested it in some high performing stocks!

    You people are the epitome of America: money and your own pleasure is all that matters. Get pregnant, simple: just get an abortion! Why tie up your valuable time and finances for a mere human being who has half your DNA…

    And anyone who chooses to have children earlier than you think is appropriate is foolish. Well, joke’s on you when you and your 38 year old wife have to use artificial insemination and infertility treatments. Then you’ll end up with quadruplets. Oh, but I forgot, by then, you have enough money to pay for four nannies.

  23. .


    The less than sign (shift – , ) causes the comments to think it is an open HTML tag. My first attempts to post had this character, cutting off the rest of my text.

    Let me ask you this: are the people who bring a child into this world, yet cannot support themselves, really valuing the life of their child?

    Waiting until one is a better point in time to have children often is far more helpful than simply having a parental bond. If the parental bond is there, it will be there. Thus, waiting until one’s better situated financially and maturity-wise is a far better choice.

  24. .

    You guys have somewhat missed the point.

    Sally is talking about women who get pregnant by not taking the appropriate precautions, or for ulterior means. She is not discussing couples who decide to have children because it is right for them.

  25. Wendy

    why does it “have” to be said? Just use a fucking condom and no one has to die. Whether it be from abortion, aids, childbirth, shame…

    Abortion isn’t an answer.

  26. Ayla

    To the “.” commenter who had to post, like, three times…who posted the following drivel:

    “Take the mid-west for example. Many of my college friends got married immediately out of undergrad, and are having kids within 1 to 2 years. Awesome! Their entry-level professional salary certainly has room to support a third head. The new parents who have job skills less than a professional level are even more intolerable to listen to.”

    How about you take your off-kilter view of the Midwest, and those who CHOOSE to marry and have children at a young age, and shove it. The above describes my parents, a SURGEON and a PROFESSOR, who have been happily married for 30 years and have acheived every professional and personal goal they’ve ever set for themselves…they’re still setting goals, traveling around the world, and supporting the causes they believe in.

    The above also describes some of my good friends from college…one couple, for example, a NURSE and an ENGINEER, who couldn’t be happier as a young, married couple with a beautiful baby boy and a lovely home on several acres of land.

    My parents and friends never judge me for moving, focusing on my career and education, dating, and not having kids yet…and I don’t judge them for the choices they’ve made, because they are happy.

    My point? Get off your “regionalist” soap box and stop judging the lives of others. You’re obviously less than satisfied with your own.

  27. Anonymous

    “…and have acheived every professional and personal goal they?ve ever set for themselves?”


    Many do not.

  28. Anonymous

    Since the would-be mothers were drinking and drugging up to the point of finding out they were preggers, I just want to know what kind of brain-dead kids they’ll be.

  29. Jane A

    I am interested in knowing why were these friends of Sally not using protection? I’m assuming that they didn’t get pregnant due to a fluke of the birth control pill or condom breakage (there is Plan B for that). If they understood the risks and just gambled that they wouldn’t get pregnant (i.e. rhythm method or pulling out), then why are we having this discussion? Of course they would get pregnant.

    The problem is with the girls (mostly from a low socio-economic background) who are not properly educated about birth control and these girls are probably not the ones reading this blog. It is shameful how these girls go through life struggling with children. I met a women who had a drug and alcohol problem. She was 36 years old and had 5 children and 12 abortions! Seriously, I was there when she told the ER doctor. I doubt she was lying.

  30. Anonymous

    Haha someone is pissed that they are illegitimate.

    I could give two shits if my slutty (yeah they’re slutty) cousins all pump out kid after kid (which they will). It’s their lives, and I wish them the best, although down to a woman they’ve all chosen fathers who are total losers, so they’re going to need a lot of luck.

    However, the point is is that with careful planning you don’t have to have an “oops” 99% of the time. Men, don’t be stupid. Women, don’t be stupid.

    I could care less what age/financial security level/maturity level other people get married at. However, shotgun weddings because you’re a dumb ass are just stupid.

  31. TC the Terrible

    ?You guys have somewhat missed the point.?

    Sometimes I think commenters prefer to miss the point.

    Comment by DCB on 06/16/06.

    Damn that DCB is one astute MF’er. Maybe that’s why all of us trolls suck up to him.


  32. Anonymous

    Aw shucks, some real content about real issues, no wonder KAC is left in the dust with two comments about her new dotbomb gossip colum. Sally, you rock, keep it real and interesting!

  33. Pagan M.

    This post makes me vaguely uncomfortable, like it would be bad hoodoo to laugh. I don’t know whether to knock on wood or double up on the condoms.

  34. Deductor

    Should have his licence revoked; if this man is not happy with dispensing legal drugs because of his beliefs perhaps he should try other employment, or does his income come before his beliefs? WBR LeoP

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