MEN ARE NOT THAT PICKY

I am disappointed in the Washington Post with their latest attempt to explain the problems our generation faces with dating. The author, Libby Copeland, who I’m assuming is male, must be in a relationship where he is dominated. That’s the only way I can explain the way he constructed the article. I think most reasonable women will agree that they are not only more picky than men, but more difficult to deal with, due to unique communication and emotional needs that men are not prepared to handle until repeated viewings of Dr. Phil. But Libby tries very carefully to do a tit-for-tat balance where both sexes are equally responsible for dating failure.

1. When it comes to qualities that each sex wants in their mate, it’s obvious that women have the now-cliche “laundry list” that starts with something like sense of humor and ends a few dozen qualities down with ambition. As for men, it begins with hot and ends with hot. Yet Libby tries to attribute the laundry list phenomenon to men, as if we are the picky ones.

Centuries from now, scientists may point to this as the moment in time when the pickiness gene became dominant. In the end, it will come down to one really old, lonely guy and his list.

“She must have blue eyes. She should like animals, but not in a weird way. No thin lips. No lawyers,” he’ll be writing, just before he keels over and the human race comes to an end.

That guy may be old and lonely, but for every one of them there is an equally old women, living in a house with dozens of cats. Old men who date are eternal players, bachelors. Old women who date are used up, worn out, and exploited by corporations for tanning and Botox treatments.

2. When it’s time for the author to give an example of his observation that people these days are picky, he does this by picking a story about a guy dumping a girl who likes to eat mayonnaise.

“Some people are mayonnaise people, I completely understand it. But I. Hate. Mayonnaise,” Peters says. He thinks it’s a texture thing. “I just find it to be the most repulsive thing in the world. And she’s just going on and on about how great mayonnaise is and how you can eat all these things and my stomach is just curdling.”

He stopped calling her. He knows this sounds really bad.

Imagine the hate mail that Libby would have received if he chose to tell a story about a woman who stopped dating a guy because he had a cheap car, or took her to – God forbid – a bar where the drinks were priced under $7. Or maybe about the commenter who recently wrote here that she would never again go out with a guy who allows her to pay when she insincerely offers to. I understand that the Post can’t bring out the truth over the absurdity that is a woman’s dating game because of their mainstream nature, but trying to pin it on males is inaccurate, and paints a picture to naive readers that men are as responsible as women for the mess we are in. Last time I checked, women are demolishing us in divorce court, withholding sex in power games, and holding us to standards that do not exist. An attempt to write this article from a balanced viewpoint would have resulted in a massive assault on the paper from various family and women groups, asking when the Post became a vehicle to spread misogyny.

This is simply the resurfacing of the thousand year old problem where guys want to pump and dump and girls want to screen for something long-term. Instead the author created something that makes men out to be as picky, if not worse, than women, so now these 30-something single women everywhere can forward the article, which hit number one on the most emailed page, to their friends and say, “See.. It’s not us! Let’s go out this weekend and drink!”

27 thoughts on “MEN ARE NOT THAT PICKY

  1. Aja

    You kill me!

    ” Old men who date are eternal players, bachelors. Old women who date are used up, worn out, and exploited by corporations for tanning and Botox treatments.”

    Why o why o fucking why can’t a woman be a player/bachelorette? Porque?

    Please define the terms (no gender influence), include the top five elements that make-up a player/bachelor, and why it will not apply to women.

    Otherwise I think you are just pulling this one out your ass.

  2. Days of Broken Arrows

    I think it has something to do with nesting and basic biology. Men are designed to spread their seed, women to raise offspring. The concept that men and women are exactly the same and that differences are caused by the “social construct” went out with Helen Reddy records. If women could be players they would be. Some of them are, but it’s not the rule.

    Anyway, Libby is a she not a he and she writes about issues that pass for cutting edge here, like “cuddle parties.”

    I was surprised that the word “spinster” did not appear in the article.

  3. Anonymous

    Funny, I was thinking the same thing when I read the article yesterday: Why is the authoer referring to men that have the “laundry list” of traits in who they are looking for, when everyone (both men and women) know that it is women who push these ridiculous lists.

  4. Matt

    “Why o why o fucking why can?t a woman be a player/bachelorette?”

    Older women can’t be players/bachelorettes because they’re all looking to settle down. They can’t fuck a guy and be done with it, they have to try to sink their claws in. It’s a fact, I’ve spent far too much time in dive bars watching women in their late 30s and up weeping because the 24-year-old they took home last night didn’t come back to the bar with a wedding ring that day.

  5. Lonnie Bruner

    One piece of shit line that I hate is “women are just as horny as men”. Bullshit. If that were the case, there would be fucking in the streets, no one would go to work, and the economy would just collapse.

  6. Sam

    DCB, agreed with you finally… on something. I read an article a while ago which attributed both men and women not settling down as often and early as they historically have done, because of what they called the “bigger and better” mentality of our society. They stated cheaper and more frequent ability to travel to different places, plastic surgery, and societies larger acceptance of singles as the reason for the change in the dating scene. Meaning, there’s no reason to be tied down to one place or person anymore because there’s so much more to life. I thought that was interesting… and much more relevant. Pickiness has nothing to do with it, and certainly men are no more picky than women. Perhaps women just tend to settle more than men in the long term because they want to have children.

  7. Natty_G

    I’m not so sure pickiness doesn’t have anything to do with it. This generation has had much more exposure to Hollywood and other pop culture takes on the perfect man, perfect woman, perfect marriage, etc. I think that there is probably a tendency with our generation to wait to be “swept off our feet,” even though that doesn’t happen in real life anywhere near as often as it does in the movies.

    That having been said, like any social trend there is too much at work to point to simply one factor. But I do think pickiness is probably on an upswing.

  8. Andy

    That was supposed to be journalism? It reads more like an article in Cosmo.

    And BTW, why would anyone wear shoes that are “fun, and kinda dangerous” to a job interview? That guy was justified in telling her they were inappropriate, she just had the spoiled-brat mentality of a 4-year-old.

    Same goes for the guy who broke up with the girl for eating foods that made his stomach do a somersault. That is not being picky in my eyes, he’s being realistic.

  9. RCR

    I don’t think I could date a girl who liked 7-11 taquitos either. 7-11 taquitos and jumbo slices: those are total dealbreakers for me. And I don’t think it’s “picky” to not want to date someone who is willing to ingest 2000 calories in one sitting. It’s called having standards.

  10. holiday

    I’m not sure I could date a guy that couldn’t figure out that someone named Libby was a girl. However, if you have other redeeming qualities DCB, I might be willing to overlook it 😉

  11. chicgirl

    i, personally, think their are some older chicks who are hot. it is all about who you are – personality, taking care of your body – face and attitude.

    An older, hot, cool chick can be a far better deal, st or lt, than a pretentious, average looking, overly self-esteemed, yet vacuous younger version. Not all about age mr. dcb;)

  12. Chaco

    Man, there are some hater men out there who must not have ever dated a woman, and some hater women who have not oberseved their own thinking.

    One of your best (and most accurate) articles.

  13. nabeel

    Define “picky”.

    Some people may just be picky… like women who break up with guys for having a barely-noticeable blemish on his shoe. THAT’S picky.

    But what about when a guy breaks up with a woman because she disrespected him… like standing him up on a date, or flirting with another guy right in front of him? That’s not picky, IMHO… that’s standing up for oneself. Only a person who has self-respect can stand up for himself/herself.

  14. Ms. Annie D

    Okay. Maybe the average man isn’t as picky as the average woman when it comes to the early stages of dating and choosing partners for sex.

    But later, when it comes to putting time and energy into a relationship, I think that men are just as picky in their way as women are.

  15. DCB Post author

    “But later, when it comes to putting time and energy into a relationship, I think that men are just as picky in their way as women are.”

    No I think just that men realize they dont want to ruin their life by getting into a marriage that has 50% chance of failure. A man has more to lose in a divorce than a woman.

  16. DCB Post author

    “I LOVE sweeping generalizations.”

    Yeah I love reading those articles about how a woman got wiped out in divorce court. please
    You are obviously a woman.

  17. Ms. Annie D

    Actually, DCB, I agree with you on the potential financial losses for men in marriage. I think that a lot of men are leary of marriage because of it. And I know that women still tend to push harder and faster for marriage than men do.

    What seems to be different now is that many women are just as scared of marriage and divorce as men are.

  18. jenk

    I was referring to the OTHER aspects of a divorce, in which a woman has just as much, if not more to lose than a man. Society still expects a mommy to be a mommy, but a daddy just to send a check.

  19. damien

    Jenk,
    I would love nothing more than to knock-up some girl and take my seed along with an alimony check. From what I’ve seen of the DC Buffet of Women the struggle to “getting ahead or get settled” in this town makes me nervous about what kind of person I’d let influence the life of my child. I was the child of a single parent and I’d much rather go it alone than put my child through some bitter divorce with a hag that “gets lipo with you money instead of Geico with your moneeey”.

  20. jenk

    well my friend, I am fairly certain you are in the minority.
    ps: I love that you backed up your point with a rap song. cheers.

  21. single in the city

    “One piece of shit line that I hate is ?women are just as horny as men?. Bullshit. If that were the case, there would be fucking in the streets, no one would go to work, and the economy would just collapse.”
    – Lonnie, clearly we have not dated…and people do fuck in the streets (and at work). I think guys like to talk a big game about ‘anytime, anyplace’ because they’re so used to girls without much of a sex drive (or girls that care too much about being perceived as a “good girl” to admit they have an insaitiable sex drive), that they don’t think a woman will call them out on this “Oh me so horny” trash talk.

    also:

    “7-11 taquitos and jumbo slices: those are total dealbreakers for me.”

    RCR, a jumbo slice after a night of bar-hopping in Adam’s Morgan is sometimes a necessary evil (being the only thing open and so conveniently located) to avoid hurling later. Now anyone who eats jumbo slice (or 7-11 taquitos for that matter) while sober? Yes, definite deal breaker.

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