On the face of it Craigslist “Missed Connections” seem like a really good idea and I’ll admit to a passing fascination with reading them. But if you think about the darker side of missed connections, it’s actually just a dating tool for wimps. It’s the adult equivalent of middle-school dating where you ask your friend to ask his friend if he likes you.

Every human being on this planet fears rejection and has a certain amount of shyness. But SO WHAT if they shoot you down? Life is full of rejection – jobs, friends, credit cards. So someone ignores you and you feel like a dummy. But I feel like a complete idiot on a regular basis and it hasn’t ruined my life yet. In fact, I’m basically awesome all the time.

What’s not acceptable is when you so much fear just TALKING to another person to the point that you later obsess about the interaction enough to actually post on an online forum about it.

I get to say this because I actually was the recipient of a missed connection about a month after I moved to DC. I had gone to the still-cool Tapatini’s and started talking to a cute guy who could have been my brother (I love looking in mirrors, so I’m attracted to people who look like me). Having taken advantage of the gratuitous martini special, I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was gone. I chalked it up to “not interested” and left a few minutes later to go to dinner with my friends.

Monday morning, a friend of mine forwarded me a missed connection that was definitely me. So I e-mailed the guy back, and we went out for two months. Unfortunately in the end he was exactly what a missed connection poster is: a whiny titty baby.

27 thoughts on “MISSED CONNECTIONS

  1. KassyK

    I couldn’t agree more…But what about those bizarre situations where they are in the car and see you walking-then write a missed connection about you–…those aren’t wimpy postings–they are just plain creepy.

  2. Virgle kent


    I thought DCB was writing this for a second so when I got the part about him talking to a cute guy that looked like him, I freaked the fuck out!

    I just had a heart attack… DCB makingout with a another hairy guy… ha ha ha hah a ha ha

  3. Days of Broken Arrows

    “…a whiny titty baby.”

    Interesting choice of words (never heard the expression before, tho that may just be me). Studies have suggested that men who like to be mothered tend to be “breast men” and men who like strong women are usually “leg men.” Is that what you’re saying, in so many words?

  4. V

    I had a friend who had the exact same experience…I guess if some dude can’t put that proverbial biscuit in the basket then too bad for them!

  5. Jack

    You’re a real bitch. Maybe there was a reason this guy had to leave, and he wanted to get in touch with you again. No reason to insult him. It’s not like he was afraid to talk to you; you already were talking to him.

  6. Charlotte

    I think Jack is right. Sally is a real bitch (why we love her!) and her missed connection guy was using the system in its legitimate and intended way. The real pussies are the ones who put up “i saw you in the metro, you’re so beautiful.” If you see someone you like, approach them!

  7. Charlotte

    I did think twice about that because of the creep factor, but i think that it could be welcome if it came from the right person in the right way.

  8. Arjewtino

    What if the gender roles were reversed? A girl once sent me a missed connection because she wsa too scared to talk to me at he Nats game where we met. What would you call her?

  9. Charlotte

    If the roles were reversed you would not be interested in her. You would want to pursue her, not be pursued. You want the experience of a girl coming up to you at the Nats game and asking you out. You just don’t want to go out with that girl.

  10. Chaco

    It’s a personal fantasy of mine to be the missed connection for a woman, even though I am now engaged and can’t do anything about it. I wouldn’t hold it against a woman who was too scared to say something and then obsessed about me to point of leaving an ad. I would just assume she was being an indecisive chick and chalk up her obsessing to good taste in men. I check the ads every few months…so far, nothing.

  11. Dasha

    Sally, I agree, sometimes when I was a bored intern, I surfed through those missed connections. They seemed kind of funny, I can’t even remember what I was wearing half the time on the metro, which is what most of them are, just describing someone you saw….but how many people actually look at the missed connections?

  12. Steve Lurkel

    ‘The real pussies are the ones who put up ?i saw you in the metro, you?re so beautiful.? If you see someone you like, approach them!’

    A face full of pepper spray taught me that the latter is not always the best idea.

  13. namaste

    I am mildly addicted to the “casual encounters” section of CL. Can’t quite explain it. It’s like a train wreck. Can’t turn my eyes away from it!

    But, yeah, it is a weird place for dating. Responding to those ads is like taking your life in your hands. No way.

  14. Steve Lurkel

    ‘Hah, sounds like you need to improve that opening ?game,? Steve.’

    Tell me about it. Nowadays, my opening “game” is little more than, “you’re not a cop, are you?”

  15. Days of Broken Windows

    DCB would probably say that if you wanna get in a woman’s pants, an Alpha Male would use whatever means worked. So if some guys are better using the Web, why fault them? Maybe they do better writing or speaking on the phone that in person and that works as a first approach. I sure know women who make a great impression over the phone…

  16. Pagan Marbury

    Charlotte said: “If the roles were reversed you would not be interested in her. You would want to pursue her, not be pursued. You want the experience of a girl coming up to you at the Nats game and asking you out. You just don?t want to go out with that girl.”

    Very well said, but I disagree. I’ve been that girl, and some guys love it. The trick is in the execution.

  17. Anonymous

    How come it took you two months to figure out how beta he was. If you like him, fuck him. If you think he’s a wimp, chuck him.

  18. Anonymous

    I met my current GF via a missed connection, and we’ve been together for five months now. I think its just another way to meet people. Nothing wrong with that. But I do understand its hard to weed out the freaks online. But if you have the time and patience.. it might be worth it… besides, it’s kinda entertaining. stop bitchin already.

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