MOST LIKELY TO NOT GO TO ANOTHER HAPPY HOUR

It’s amazing how quickly things change. Just months ago I’d stroll into a happy hour with groupies wanting to meet me and guys wanting to learn how to be me. Now I’m a relic, a dinosaur, in a land of unmemorable blogs. Shockingly, I was blown off by a girl last night who was not told of my importance beforehand. If I want to get blown off I’d rather it be in the hands of coked-up, hot club whore than a blogger.

One encouraging moment from last night was meeting a 40 year old female commenter. I often make fun of older women as spinsters with unreasonable standards, and regardless of whether this particular one was a spinster or not (she did mention her dating life quite a bit), the way she takes care of herself would put many 25 year old girls to shame. She has given me hope, that in fifteen years when I pass 40, there will be girls like her who look good and have enough wit and intelligence to maintain a fun conversation. But she is the exception, and I have a feeling that my future will be spent trolling myspace for young girls, enticing them with the prospect of fancy dinners and vacations.

I like to think I have a sort of agenda-dar, the ability to tell if people have some type of malicious intent. I can tell when someone is telling me something spontaneous or something that has been in planning for some time. My agenda-dar went off at the Local 16 happy hour, when a certain unknown blogger made false accusations about yours truly. It went off again last night when SethJ’s Canadian girlfriend talked to me. If you don’t remember him, SethJ is a ex-blogger who had to shut down his page in shame because of real-life conflicts. The girlfriend started off on this speech on blogs, eventually getting to mine and ending it with, “…but I don’t read yours anymore.” I wondered if SethJ put her up to this as I let her continue. I was expecting her to hit me hard with how much I suck but I think she got scared and trailed off into the “I don’t understand why anyone blogs” spiel. The irony of this, of course, is her boyfriend was a blogger… who wrote about trying to hit on girls… who got sloppy and was busted. People, in the future, practice a little more before coming to me with some hate. I have buttons like everyone else but you really need to do your homework. It is disrespectful to me when you come at me with amateur hating.

And speaking of hate, I had a chance to reminisce about the good old days when the CPMC was around to hate on. Their demise has left a huge void where I have no real focus for my negative energy. My talent is going to waste.

POSTSCRIPT: The superlatives came in and I won three of them: Most Controversial, Most Likely To Be Completely Fictional, and Most Likely To Go Into Therapy. What they really mean:

Most controversial: “It’s amazing how he doesn’t sugar coat to appease the masses.”
Most .. fictional: “I have never met such an original man in my life, so how could he possibly exist.”
Most .. therapy: “He knows way too much for such a young, tender age. I hope he is not crushed by the knowledge of the world.”

33 thoughts on “MOST LIKELY TO NOT GO TO ANOTHER HAPPY HOUR

  1. Laura

    Perhaps people are less inclined to sing your praises when you so consistently sing your own, even if they are still avid readers of your blog.

    Just a thought.

  2. V

    I’m feelin you on the dinosaur thing–I was thinking the same thing, too. Not that I have had a blog that long, but every month is like a year in blog years.

    I mean shit, I still think of KAC and all that when I think of blogs. Hell, you used to be called DJ rocking horse or something, right?

    Blog apathy is a bitch–

  3. holiday

    That’s kind of hilarious.

    “I’m kind of a big deal, if you didn’t know.”

    The worst line ever.

    I’ve abandoned most of the other blogs, except you and City Sparkle, unless they are celebrity gossip blogs.

  4. Whatever

    You’re not a dinosaur. Could be worse, you could have been embarassed off of the internet like CPMC.

  5. Peter North

    you are all pathetic blogging whiners/whining bloggers taken aback by the fact that as you grow older your ennui towards the world in general increases exponentially. apparently you don’t get it. blogging is just a phase. it’s the equivalent of the appearance of pubic hair on your brain.
    let’s take dcb for example. the boy is smart, we have to give him that. but where do I see him in ten years? single as ever, and scared of the white (pubic?) hairs he saw in the mirror. the boy thinks he got game now, but he does not understand the rules. he plays the game for the game itself. He pretends he wants to f*** every 18-year old in sight, when in fact he craves for some real love.
    he recently discovered Europe and the hotness of older women. Even more, he writes about that with the enthusiasm of Lewis and Clark. He is so absorbed with his blog persona that he is losing sight of his real self. probably a decent man, he presents himself as some self-annointed arbiter of taste, some Dr. Laura with facial hair, some Cosmo politan “reader letters” ghost writer. Who needs that???

  6. DCB Post author

    very good analysis bald man. But you are missing one thing… being absorbed with my blog persona IS my blog persona.

  7. jamy

    Your legend lives on. I spotted you from afar but was too shy (awed) to introduce myself.

    I hope you find someone new to hate soon. As long as it’s not me.

  8. holiday

    Peter North is a porn star. I only know that because I read “How to Make Love like a Porn Star” by Jenna Jameson.

  9. seenster

    Dinosaur/blog feeling? It’s because of the time change, that happened weeks ago. I’m avoiding the internet at all costs.

    Winter rips.

  10. Anonymous

    The fact that a group of people pushing 30 are still doing “superlatives” might be a good indication that you’re not hangning out with the coolest bunch. Just my .02.

  11. Sudamericana

    Yeah, I was curious about who this Peter North was, and clicked on his name expecting to be directed to a blog.

    The result was not work safe at all.

    DCB, I’m glad you won three superlatives. Well deserved, both in their literal meaning and according to your own interpretation.

  12. tommy

    Keep your head up DCB. I told you about those women in there 30’s and 40’s that take care of themselves. Put those baby fat girls in their 20’s to shame. An the shit lasts into old age (hell if you have to be an old man you might as well be happy). OBTW, remember grasshopper, having game is good but once you’re over 30, your ability to get qualtiy women has nothing to do with what you look like, your hair cut or your pickup lines (ie rap). You ascend to a new level. My advice to you, live a life with purpose and meaning and if that doesn’t work, have alot of disposable income.

  13. chicbutnotshady

    wow… i started a bad trend with the joke about peter north perhaps being the senator…

    tommy… i think i love you. thx for supporting us older chix.

    btw – i also liked your style DCB!

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