Most coffeeshops are set up to be anti-social. Unless a girl I like is sitting next to me, there is very little chance there will be a conversation that leads to sex.

I have a solution:

My coffeeshop has only one table that everyone sits at (to encourage interaction). Also at each chair there is a console which has a numbered button for every seating position at the table. If you like someone at the table, simply push the button. Nothing happens unless that person pushes your button as well. Once a match has been made, a signal goes to the staff who comes out, makes an introduction, and gives a free chocolate chip cookie to everyone. And two hours every day, all electronics must be turned off or silenced. No laptops, no bluetooth, no cell phones. Only books, artsy crap, and musical instruments.

Even the trendy losers would eat this up because it’s kinda like myspace but with less attention whoring. Only problem I see is people abusing the matchmaker system to get free cookies.

18 thoughts on “MY FUTURE COFFEESHOP

  1. hedonistic

    How about a setup where girls dangle in slings hanging from the ceiling? Then guys could just survey the merchandise and pick them off like ripe fruit!


    Truth be told, the typical coffeeshop setup is designed to give people their privacy. The vast majority of folks sitting alone with their noses in newspapers or laptops just don’t want to be bothered.

    One of the reasons I like the Starbucks closest to my home is the multiple livingroom settings (set up in a U-shape such as you describe above, only with comfy chairs and sofas). These spaces encourage relaxed social interaction, while the other side of the store has bars and little solitary tables for people who want to be alone or just sit with one person.

    It’s a really big Starbucks though.

  2. Days of Broken Arrows

    Your coffeeshop is actually a bar! In fact, it’s the same set-up as the “Cheers” TV set.

  3. Rudy and Blitz

    I believe that a smiliar concept is in use in Tokyo now, with Video substituted for buttons that correspond to each seat.

  4. Roissy

    this is gonna be so one-way. guys will be pushing buttons til their fingers bleed and girls will spend weeks waiting for that one button press to walk in the door.

  5. nabeel

    yeah I agree it’ll be very one-sided if it was like that. I would expand the bars we already have to include more barstools and less tables, to make people more approachable. Tables? too unapproachable. empty barstool next to a hottie with nice legs? I’m there! 😉

  6. rebecca

    I like the no electronics rule. Why only two hours, though? Let’s make it no electronics all the time. Though the whole button thing could backfire. You’d have girls going in there who only wanted to get attention and who had no intention of buzzing back. Unless they wanted a cookie. And buzzing back only for a cookie probably means that you’re going to be out of luck, unless you put monumental effort into it. And we all know, you are anti-monumental effort.

  7. Jay Gatsby

    The “someone” passed out on the bar in DCB’s drawing is none other than DCB himself!

  8. kanan

    you make my day roosh, I almost died laughing, the sketches are awesome!
    Another good post that comes to mind is the shower scene at the gym

  9. Media Concepts

    Funny post! Your idea is similar to the bar in Atlanta that I went to once, where each table had a prominent number and a telephone. On the telephones were the table numbers. So anyone from one table could call any other table and talk to whoever they had scoped out. It was a fun idea, but it was a bar, not a coffee bar, so no one was there to read or work by themselves.

  10. brown cow

    Your coffeeshop setup is not unlike bars in Paris where people go to drink their caf?s. But there aren’t any buttons there.

  11. White Dade

    Yeah, thing is I see a lot of fat girls doing that. Iw oudl seriosuly push the button of every fat girl in the place becasue I KNOW she’d be doing the same shit. Still, I like your idea.

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