The hair slightly seperates from the head:


The Decision

It was between ‘My Future Wife,’ ‘A Diamond Adds 50 Pounds,’ and ‘Till Breadth Do Us Part.’ I imagined wearing the shirt with all three slogans, and eliminated the diamond one first. I decided to go with a self-deprecating angle: yeah my future wife will be thin, but how can I be so sure she will remain that way? Most men are doomed to the fate that this shirt depicts. I also wanted to give more of a teddy-bear vibe compared to Pump and Dump.

The Shirt

Cranberry-colored American Apparel t-shirt in medium (quantity: 6) or large (quantity: 5). These shirts shrink considerably after machine drying. For more sizing info, check out the write-up for Pump and Dump. Don’t iron the graphic.

Price and Shipping

$17.50 plus $4 shipping (anywhere in the U.S) at No additional shipping charge if you also buy Pump and Dump, which I’ve reduced to $15.00.


Once people catch the female bodies, they position themselves for a closer look. Most responses are meant with laughter and “That’s great/funny” comments. Thin girls are more likely to comment than fat ones. I was afraid that I needed to explain that it’s the same woman, but everyone seems to get it.

I feel more comfortable wearing this shirt in daytime than Pump and Dump, though I do feel bad if I’m at a store and the lady helping me is huge.

24 thoughts on “MY FUTURE WIFE

  1. Peter North

    Don’t fool yourself, dude…you are never getting married. You’ve already been typecast as a Pumper-and-Dumper. Nobody wants your sperm.
    But then again you are OK with that.

    And yes, “A diamond adds 50 pounds” was more subtle, ergo better. But you decided to go with the one that will be understood by most people, so that they can buy the shirt. I like the fact, though, that “the hair slightly seperates [sic] from the head”. That makes this t-shirt the Lacoste of the doll-carrying community.

  2. minji

    The feelings of others, are put aside for shock value and attention. I guess obese women don’t feel enough shame and embarassment over their weight. I guess nothing in this country shocks me anymore. Insulting others, lack of manners, pumping and dumping, it is the stample of city life in this country. So sad.

  3. DCB Post author

    Yes, paypal is an option.

    I didn’t pick this slogan to sell more shirts, for I long ago gave up the idea to make money off this project.

    I picked it because I wanted something less offensive than PnD.

  4. Jay Gatsby

    I may be a little late on this one, but did anyone notice that the silhouette’s hair gets progressively shorter? The young version has hair down to her lower back, the middle-aged version has hair just past her shoulders, and the old version doesn’t look like she has any hair at all.

  5. resigned to my fate

    I don’t need the “my future wife” T shirt. I ruined my life by marrying a fat broad to start with. I passed up skinny girls, thinking this lard bucket would be a good wife/housekeeper, etc.. WRONG… She is mental, a non-stop eater, and the entire house is FILTHY. And, she is getting bigger…. Bigger… BIGGER… Don’t ever do what I did….

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