1. No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve traveled, always turn back.
People hate to lose time “invested” in a task they have miscalculated on. Time is the most scarce resource of life, yet its taken for granted by those who are too proud to admit they made a mistake.
Not too long ago, I chased a girl I shouldn’t have. The warning signs were there from the start, but I ignored them because I was seduced with the idea of sleeping with her. By date five, I went so far in the wrong direction that turning back seemed like the harder route to take. I couldn’t just let go of all the money, time, and emotional energy I put in. The easy decision is to coast and let the mistake ride out, but it’s always the wrong decision. You must cut your losses.
There is nothing wrong with making a mistake, but you make things worse by staying blind to your own error. Don’t bother trying to fix a situation you should have avoided in the first place.
2. Comfort is dangerous.
Unless you are of old age and already a scholar of the world, your main focus should be growth. If you are comfortable with what you are doing, there is a good chance you are not stretching yourself to the limits of your ability.
The director of my old department had a habit of putting up motivational quotes during his presentations. I had a favorite: “There is no growth in the comfort zone, and no comfort in the growth zone.” You get drawn into comfort and habit because it offers you stability and peace of mind, but at the same time this decreases your motivation to take risks and learn other things. Unless you are ready to die, choose growth.
3. You learn the most when things go wrong.
It’s hard to learn about yourself if everything goes right: there is no need for introspection or analysis. But when things go wrong, your body is put through stress and your mind is called up to perform. You are forced to break things down to come up with solutions, trying things you’ve never tried. This is the only time you really grow as a person.
In my field of work, Murphy’s Law is the rule. Things always go wrong, and for hours I can be staring at a graph or piece of equipment, dissecting the problem to its component parts only to put it back together again. But when things go right, my day is pretty uneventful; I’m a zombie that just goes through the motions. Solve problems, learn from them, and then put that experience in your toolbox when you encounter something similar in the future. Because you will.
4. Always stand up for yourself.
Don’t take bullshit from anyone, whether it be from your boss, lover, or friend. No one in this world is more important than you are.
I have been disrespected by flakey women countless times. I accepted the disrespect because I thought it was normal to take a little bit of abuse to get something I wanted. But I no longer believe that. If you have a belief that it is okay to be treated negatively, it’s just a matter of time until it happens — repeatedly. Don’t let people flake, rag on you, or put you down. These are things that are not normal, things that will only lower your mood. Don’t be a pushover, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, and don’t be afraid of confrontation.
5. Know when to move on.
After you’ve hit the point of diminishing return, the energy you put in is much less than what you get out, whether it be from jobs, relationships, friendships, or hobbies. Don’t wait until things get stale; by then you’ve waited too long.
I used to go to clubs and watch how bartenders worked. The more I watched them, the more I wanted to be one. I was convinced that I would make an excellent bartender. I took a week off from work to go to bartending school and eventually got a job at a popular hotel bar. The first couple months were incredible: I was meeting people, learning the trade, and having a good time. But the initial rush hid things that I did not like, such as incompetent management, cheap or rude customers, drama-loving coworkers, and odd hours. By month nine I decided that my experience was complete. I quit and regained my weekend leisure time. Things that you really wanted to do one month or one year ago may not be worth it for you today.
6. Respect your health and body by exercising and eating right.
There is no reason to treat yourself like a science experiment, wondering what will happen to your body after decades of neglect or abuse.
You only one have one life to live. Exercise and good nutrition are proven to prolong that life and make it more vibrant with less suffering. So what’s your excuse? It’s a poor bet to let your body atrophy because you wanted to sit on the couch and eat a bag of potato chips. The most unfortunate thing that could happen to you is to get a disease or sickness that could have been prevented by doing something your body would have very much appreciated.
7. Have a project.
Always be working towards a near-term goal. It’s nice to have one large purpose in life, but pick some smaller goals that you can accomplish is a few years or less: buying a house, learning a second language, running a marathon, eliminating credit card debt (through simpler living), traveling the world, etc. The project should be your passion… for a while.
In Venezuela I hiked up to some cabin so a Frenchman could take me on a horseback riding tour through the Andes mountains. He spoke good English so we had the opportunity to talk during breaks, where he told me his life story though his “projects”: short goals he would have that would usually lead to something else. The project that led him to the Venezuela was the desire to build a boat from scratch. When a hurricane washed ashore his boat was destroyed and he wound up in a strange city where he met his future wife. He asked me point-blank what my project was and I did not have an answer.
Instead of aimlessly floating through life, waiting until something happens to you, pick something interesting you like and drive towards it. Even if it doesn’t lead you anywhere, the journey is sure to teach you a bit about life.
8. Don’t nag, complain, or whine.
No one wants to hear it, and it makes you look like a miserable person. Negative energy is contagious; bad people and bad events always follow.
I had a colleague who did not hit the genetic lottery. She was short, stumpy, and unattractive. She did not hide the fact that she had trouble meeting men. While she could only do little to control her physical appearance, she could control how she acts around others. She could be lively, sexy, thoughtful, positive, funny. But she was not. She chose to be constantly negative, complaining about everything and talking about how bad life is. It was impossible to be around her, and I won’t be surprised if you tell me she has amassed a fine collection of cats by now.
Remember: your energy is tied into your future. If you are constantly negative, you are blocking yourself from enjoying positive things.
9. Be like water, flowing effortlessly through your environment.
A weak person is easily affected by the daily problems of life. Instead of fighting things that are sure to come up, adapt to them and solve them rationally. Things won’t always go your way.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” -
Welcome to the human condition. Like housing prices or stocks, there will be peaks and valleys in your life that you probably cannot control. Car breaks down. Job layoff. Disfiguring acne breakout. Crime victim. Broken heart. You could attempt to buffer yourself from these negative events, but it will limit your personal freedom and options in life. Instead, accept that there will be both good and bad; how you react to both determines your character and resilience as a person. You can panic like most people when confronted with a tough challenge, or you can sit down and visualize what it would be like to get out of the mess you are in. What’s the next step you should take? Time will go by, and the negative will soon be a distant memory.
10. Treat money as a means to an end.
Money should not be your final goal. There may be comfort in a pile of cash but there is little lasting happiness. Instead, treat money as a means to providing you with experiences that have meaning and pleasure.
There are two things you could do with your money: accumulate material possessions or pursue life experiences. Can you guess which one makes you more happy? If it’s so obvious, why do people dedicate a large chunk of their waking hours every week in jobs that have long ago satisfied basic needs such as food, shelter, clothing, and leisure? When you live in a country whose government is funded through debt and whose economic health is judged through “comsumer” spending, it’s not hard to see how one has to be deprogrammed from falling into the automatic habit of spending money on objects. That money is better spent finding things you love that give you fulfillment.
A million books and a million different perspectives. Until you can learn from first-hand experience, learn from the experience of others. Absorb their ideas and see how they fit into your view of the world.
One of the best uses of your time is spent reading non-fiction, which has the knowledge, information, and analysis that helps define the world we live in. Think of a bookstore or library as a collection of brains from all the scholars of the history of the world, who have taken the time to write and teach what they know. I can spend a lifetime traveling the world ten times over but not notice things that others have already written down.
12. Have no expectations.
When you enter situations with expectations, you limit your behavior and thinking. Having an idealized outcome in your mind beforehand closes yourself off to new experiences.
Once I met a girl who warned me several times that I wasn’t going to get anywhere. She assumed I wanted to be somewhere else other than the present, that what I was doing now was not what I really wanted to do. As long as you are getting the most out of the current moment - and enjoying it - what happens next should not be the dominant thought in your mind. We already see the world through a filter, and expecting things to happen in the future distorts that filter even more.
What did happen next with her was something totally different from what I’m used to, something that I would have closed myself off to if I had the usual in mind. Having expectations put you into a linear and rigid mode of thinking, blinding you towards different outcomes.
13. Be very picky when choosing friends.
It’s our friendships that create the spontaneous happiness in our lives, experienced most with people who match our personality. By spending time with the right people, we eliminate the drama that comes from more superficial friendships.
On any given night, there are only three guys I can call to go out with; guys who I trust and who I know I’m capable of having the most amount of fun with. For people who collect friends like trading cards, I wonder if they have taken a look at the hidden cost to maintaining those friends: misunderstandings, gossip, backstabbing, fights. These things are headaches and make life a little less enjoyable. Think of friendships as the foundation of your life, the constant that gets you through the long, stressful days. You don’t want that built on slimey ground.
It is not a good idea to experiment in critical situations. Practice when it doesn’t matter so that you are preapred for the real deal. If you can’t get real-world practice, at least run the situation in your head.
My plane departed Merida, Venezuela at 6:30 in the morning. I had to be at the airport an hour before, at a time where I wasn’t sure if I could easily get a taxi. Only 1.5 miles away, I figured a good back-up plan was to walk to the airport, but I wasn’t going to risk taking this walk without practice, especially since the streets are narrow and dangerous. The day before departure I took my time walking and found the safest route to the airport, memorizing key landmarks and noting potential danger spots. When it was time to leave, I couldn’t find a taxi and executed what I already rehearsed. My route was well-lighted and I got there in one piece without getting lost.
Instead of leaving things totally chance, do what you can to lessen the likelihood of failure, or even worse - disaster.
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Awesome — just what someone needs to start off the day! I read regularly and am extremely impressed that you’re not afraid to show a more mature side. Well done.
I agree…great post and life lessons all without offending either sex. I like it.
DCB Sez: Comfort is dangerous
Indeed. What I often find myself doing is hitting the comfort zone after some growth, pausing in the comfort zone for reflection, then hit the growth zone again as I figure out the next step.
Really like the comment about experiences, not possessions.
This is the sort of thing that should be taught in school.
As for your last point, I think of the quote by Louis Pasteur: “Chance favors the prepared mind.”
Hall of Fame quality post.
Couldn’t agree more! Even if a more unevolved person only took one lesson from this post it would be well worth it!
Nice job DCB. Sometimes you surprise even me.
Whenever anyone asks me why I’m friends with you (which happens just as often as you’d think), I’m going to send them the link to this post.
Nice work, DCB.
This is the best post written on your site in a LONG time… maybe even ever. You could be a public speaker with ideas like this
Wow, DCB. Who knew you had such a mature, philosophical side that didn’t revolve totally around girls and sex?! Great work.
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.”
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. ”
“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.”
“Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.”
and my favorite;
“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”
Josh Billings (1818-1885)
…Mucho Gracias (for your post) Senor DCB
15. Don’t play in Pre-season games.
I keep telling my fiancee there is another side to you besides pump&dump mysogeny. Well, here it is. Awesome list.
I loved this post. I think it’s a tribute to your readers that advice like this gets as much praise as your pump&dump posts.
enjoyed the post!
“The journey is the prize.”
-Steve Kimock (KVHW)
Nice job, but I think #10 is wrong. I used to think this way when I was your age, but time has taught me money is very important and working towards having a lot of money is sometimes the best way to keep motivated doing a difficult job.
Money might not buy happiness, but it can buy security — like paying off a mortgage, which will alow you the freedom to do most all of the other numbers (risk taking, not taking crap from anyone) with your head held high.
I think many of our society’s ideas about money are passed along to us by people richer than us who wish to keep us poor and in line.
Days of Broken Arrows misunderstands Rule Number 10. That rule talks about SPENDING money on material possessions, rather than on experiences. It has nothing to do with pursuing experiences at the expense of EARNING money. Regardless, I agree with Days of Broken Arrows on the point that money is very important, as it can buy you the freedom to do what you love.
Encore! More rules, or just more expansion.
Anyway like the Robert Greene layout.
Wow! This is the first time I agree with you. Best post yet.
Dam….This was your best post………well until you post some pics of the best ass of dc….
*printing this post out and taping it to the wall*
And I rarely use the printer. That’s saying something. Great post.
VERY wise words! A person that follows these rules is a treasure to encounter!
Better not let DCB’s future portly ex-wife see this, else she’ll decide he’s a keeper after all
who are you? My Mother?
Fantastic post. I especially liked the idea of working toward a project. That’s a good way to live your life.
I don’t know that I can handle DCB inspiring me. It seems somehow… wrong and dirty. Though gratifying as it proves what I had started to suspect.
I know I’m not the only one, but I just want you to know that I really enjoyed that…and that you surprised me…(not that I would even begin to pretend that I know you very well). It’s been kind of a shit day and that was really nice to read.
“pick ur friends wisely”
ur saying not to collect friends like trading cards, but rather that you should analyze them based on certain characteristics and then decide to become their friend. i dont agree as much with that statement because i think its better to befriend anyone you meet…….it pays in the long run to have more contacts…everyone is useful in their own little way
mr Hanky…….what a shallow comment…
it might seem shallow…….but winning in life is all about survival of the fittest….some people can make great friends, others can make great stepping stones in order to get what you want. like i have an accountant friend that loves to befriend “rich” people in order to cash in on them. thats a far fetched example, but i feel that you can learn a little something about life from every person. i feel that you dont have to pick your friends, but rather that the process of becoming a good friend with someone happens naturally based on the commonalities of both personalities, hobbies, etc
robert greene is my hero
This is my favorite post ever. Ever.
Just joining in on all the DCB love. The advice works for all genders; I like it! Great post!
Wow. Quality stuff.
These are good thoughts, DCB. I love seeing how people think about the world. Thanks for sharing…and, so you know, my sister Madelyn (comment above this one) shared this post with me. I hadn’t heard of your blog and, frankly am not sure I’d want to read any other posts (not big on misogyny, thanks), but this one really was great.
i like this. good advice. : )
Very, very good post.
i also disagree with the money thing. saving a few bucks allows you to get to the next stage– to breakthrough and make a decent bit of money— to get what you really want, freedom, time and money to pursue projects that you want to do AND to be able to make them actually happen.
I know this from personal experience. my parents are in their 60’s and they worked their asses off all their life. now they are old AND destitute. capitalism isn’t something you can control.
the whole slaving away at a job you hate is yet another myth.
$$$$$$$$$$$ MONEY $$$$$$$$$$$$$
[...] My Rules of Life, by DC Bachelor. A thoughtful and introspective piece. Nod to Erika for the recommendation. [...]
One thing, I noticed re-reading this post,
“There are two things you could do with your money: accumulate material possessions or pursue life experiences.”
What about gaining power? You know, funding lobby groups or something. Maybe buying out a Non-profit in a 3rd world country and trying to run it. Seems like a better investment than buying a new car, but I guess that its just personal prefrence.
Watch subject. Bush and the Republicans were not protecting us on 9-11, and we aren’t a lot safer now. We may be more afraid due to george bush, but are we safer? Being fearful does not necessarily make one safer. Fear can cause people to hide and cower. What do you think? Is killing thousands of innocent civilians okay when you are doing a little government makeover?
What happened to us, people? When did we become such lemmings?
We have lost friends and influenced no one. No wonder most of the world thinks we suck. Thanks to what george bush has done to our country during the past three years, we do!
This post will get me back on track. Thanks!
That’s basically it.
BTW its really about finding out who you are as a human, and your place within the world you live in.