NO WAIT … I NEED THE INTERN

OK, OK … DC Bachelor says he needs an intern … aka wingchick. Hey, Bachelor! Thought I was your wingchick?! Oh, I’m gonna start some drama!

:popcorn:

OK, OK. Well, I guess we all have the right to hire interns a.k.a. legal slaves. BUT, Bachelor Man – you know that if anyone needs an intern, it’s me.

I am so busy that I cannot even remember when it is time to order my groceries – until Mr. Outlook alerts me. And then I have to schedule a time to order my groceries, using my phone’s alarm as a reminder. An intern could do that.

Here’s my ad:

DUTIES

– Open doors for me, drive me around and buy me flowers.
– Order my groceries (it’s easy, Peapod has pictures)
– Massage my feet, hands and legs
– Make Starbucks runs
– Carry my laptop bag for me (to and from work)
– Walk me home from yoga class
– Make sure the maid comes when she’s supposed to come
– Jog with me, in an effort to make sure that my ipod clippy thing does not fail
– Escort me to events, holding my hand when I see an ex-boyfriend
– Help me turn my fireplace on. This baby is ready to go, but I am afraid to press the button

DESIRED CHARACTERISTICS

Looking for someone 18-22 years old. The intern must be male (or female if we can figure out how to make sure our menstrual cycles do not sync up — that would be a total disaster). Fluency in English, Spanish and French preferred (so he can understand me when I am cursing). And candidates that like to pick up dry cleaning win extra bonus points.

COMPENSATION / ROOM & BOARD

The intern must be willing to live with me for two months (he will get his own bedroom and bathroom, of course). I will pay for lunches (since we will be working together). And I will give him money for beer, food or whatever interns need.

What is the educational aspect of this internship you ask? Well – duh! He gets to learn all about me!

QUESTION: Is today’s college student the working slave of tomorrow?

13 thoughts on “NO WAIT … I NEED THE INTERN

  1. Andy

    You just sound whiny. You don’t have enough time to ORDER groceries? WTF?

    Unless you are getting paid $500/hr, the hour/week it takes you to go grocery shopping does not justify having an intern to fucking ORDER them for you.

  2. anon

    PLEASE stop letting Miss Metropolis post on your blog. All her posts are boring and self centered. You bash other people’s blogs for being stupid, yet you let the same thing happen on your own….and it’s not even your writing.

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