Men, I’m trying to get you laid.
Not by me, of course. I’ve got about all I can handle right now. But you will be pleased to know that I am now encouraging my friends to similarly pursue the notch. This is not in the guise of “acting like a man” or being all “Carrie Bradshaw” (I can’t think of anyone more loathsome) or what-the-hell-ever. This is about pure self-interest.
Many women I know seem to have lost confidence in their ability to entice a man into having sex with them. These women are pretty and intelligent and have no flaws that are immediately discernible. Yet somehow, men aren’t trying to get in their pants all the time. Now, I’m of the belief that a pretty girl should never have to beg for it, and should never have to wonder why they aren’t having sex. I’m chalking their distressing situation up to a lack of confidence.
Girls grow up hearing about how they should not give it up unless they are really in love with someone (for instance I have several close friends who are remaining virgins until they marry), or they hear gossip about some girl who got preg by her boyfriend who wanted nothing to do with her, or they hear about STDs. Or they’re afraid of being called a slut or a whore. All of these things make an indelible impression (negative) on the feminine subconscious about sex.
These factors, coupled with maybe getting pumped and dumped a couple of times when the girl wanted more, add up to a serious complex which leads to a sexless existence. And that in turn manifests itself in sexual frustration, an unhealthy obsession with vibrators, and multiple viewings of “The Notebook”. None of which are incredibly attractive to men, leading to even more sexlessness. I say, if you feel like you need sex, don’t trick some guy into taking you out to dinner first and pretending like it’s a date. Just do it, so to speak.
So I’m encouraging women to act within reasonable bounds and pursue some notches in order to increase confidence. Nothing amounting to a disgusting trampage, but merely a little occasional reminder that they are attractive, desirable women who do not have to go 5 months or more without some action. And if it makes some men very happy and gets them some loving too, well then I consider my act of goodwill a success. Just be sure, ladies, to use protection and birth control. And some restraint. Like my wise friends Salt-n-Pepa once said, “the difference between a hooker and a ho ain’t nothin but a fee.”