Men, I’m trying to get you laid.

Not by me, of course. I’ve got about all I can handle right now. But you will be pleased to know that I am now encouraging my friends to similarly pursue the notch. This is not in the guise of “acting like a man” or being all “Carrie Bradshaw” (I can’t think of anyone more loathsome) or what-the-hell-ever. This is about pure self-interest.

Many women I know seem to have lost confidence in their ability to entice a man into having sex with them. These women are pretty and intelligent and have no flaws that are immediately discernible. Yet somehow, men aren’t trying to get in their pants all the time. Now, I’m of the belief that a pretty girl should never have to beg for it, and should never have to wonder why they aren’t having sex. I’m chalking their distressing situation up to a lack of confidence.

Girls grow up hearing about how they should not give it up unless they are really in love with someone (for instance I have several close friends who are remaining virgins until they marry), or they hear gossip about some girl who got preg by her boyfriend who wanted nothing to do with her, or they hear about STDs. Or they’re afraid of being called a slut or a whore. All of these things make an indelible impression (negative) on the feminine subconscious about sex.

These factors, coupled with maybe getting pumped and dumped a couple of times when the girl wanted more, add up to a serious complex which leads to a sexless existence. And that in turn manifests itself in sexual frustration, an unhealthy obsession with vibrators, and multiple viewings of “The Notebook”. None of which are incredibly attractive to men, leading to even more sexlessness. I say, if you feel like you need sex, don’t trick some guy into taking you out to dinner first and pretending like it’s a date. Just do it, so to speak.

So I’m encouraging women to act within reasonable bounds and pursue some notches in order to increase confidence. Nothing amounting to a disgusting trampage, but merely a little occasional reminder that they are attractive, desirable women who do not have to go 5 months or more without some action. And if it makes some men very happy and gets them some loving too, well then I consider my act of goodwill a success. Just be sure, ladies, to use protection and birth control. And some restraint. Like my wise friends Salt-n-Pepa once said, “the difference between a hooker and a ho ain’t nothin but a fee.”

25 thoughts on “NOTCHES, FOR GIRLS

  1. KassyK

    This is interesting…Bc you are significantly younger than me Sally–I see things a SMIDGE differently but for the most part agree in terms of go getting what you want (whatever that may be). Ladies–if you want—go get it…and if you dont—then DONT.

    BUT at 27 years old…its kind of boring to just get a notch-actually ITS REALLY BORING…unless the guy is ridiculously gorgeous or so interesting that you must tear his clothes off immediately.

    If you dont want a boyfriend, I think for ME the ideal situation is a guy that you have a great sexual relationship with–if your just looking for sex.Not a new guy every month.

    My vibrator gets me off 5 times a week and while I am LOVE LOVE sex (to the point of insatiability sometimes)…sometimes its just not worth it to go out and risk all of it.

    Because there are some guys that are good in bed…some that are great in bed and MANY MANY that are awful (same with women–not trying to hate on the men). Dont waste your time on NOTCHES bc half of these guys will end up boring the fuck out of you…and you will wish they would just go home and come already. Is that what you ladies want? I dont.

    Plus–isnt College what notches were for? We didnt go for our degrees…we went to go and party and get laid….and thats what we did…GET LAID.

    Yikes, again Kassy writes a novel. But on the tip of being too scared to go OUT and get sex…Sally I am with you—if thats what you want ladies…go get it–its easy if you go to the right places and just put it out there…Subtly of course.


  2. hedonistic

    Oh Keeeee-rhist!!!! I didn’t see it was Sally posting again. No wonder the post sounded reasonable: It wasn’t by DCB!!!!!!!!!


  3. hedonistic

    And Kassy . . . 5 times a week? I gotcha beat: How about 5 times a night? hahahahahah must be a redhead thing . . .

    The “notch” approach does nothing for me; I almost NEVER get off the first time with a man. It takes time to train one properly.

    Still, if I had a 5 MONTH sex drought I’d probably take what I could get . . . treating each “notch” like an interview for future employment.


  4. KassyK

    TC-I agree with you…

    Hedonistic-Ohhh girl, that is amazing. I’ve done the five times a nighter thing occasionally with my “special friend”…and yes-for a five month drought…a notch is necessary sometimes….BUT just to have sex…it usually takes a few times to get that perfect click and the trust issues in terms of bringing out the freaky stuff…

    You dont do that with notches…At least I dont.

  5. me

    Sally, I think you are right it mant respects- but for me personally it’s hard to really enjoy purely casual sex when you get called a slut behind your back if you do it. It just completely takes the fun out of it. Especially because men get praised for having sex while women are put down for it. I think that if guys really want to get laid, then they should really work to eradicate the double standard that exists for men and women who have casual sex. It just isn’t rational for men to continue to perpetrate this double standard. If men stopped calling women sluts behind their backs, then alot more women would feel comfortable having casual sex, which would mean alot more sex for everybody!

  6. Pagan Marbury

    Sluts rule! You can’t worry about what people call you. Just know you’re having a better life than they are.

    I don’t think guys disrespect you for sleeping with them. I think they disrespect you for sleeping with them and then getting all needy and confusing a one night stand with a relationship.

    Sometimes guys call you a slut if you play them before they can play you. It sucks, but deep down they know the truth.

  7. Anon

    All sorts of double standards exist and some di men instead of women — ever heard of a woman being called a “wimp,” for example? Or being chastized for not earning enough?

    Anyway, it’s mostly WOMEN who call women sluts — men are not usually trashing women who give them action. Maybe this went on in high school with boys, but in the real world not so much

  8. Irina

    “but for me personally it?s hard to really enjoy purely casual sex when you get called a slut behind your back if you do it.”

    It’s all about your attitude. I know lots of girls who sleep with many different guys and they will never be called sluts. At the same time, I have some friends who may in fact sleep with less men, but are viewed as more slutty.
    Well, because first off, you should never ever chase, as Sally said. You let them come to you. Let them chase you for a little bit, don’t drool all over them.
    Second, you have a ‘meaningful connection’ (aka not a sloppy drunk make-out sess’ followed by a night at his place) for a few hours, you exchange a few laughs, and the night you spend together is fun and GOOD rather than just some gross sex with a stranger.
    Finally, act sweet, but not clingy. Be feminine and not aggresive. It’s hard for a guy to call you a ho behind your back when you act that way.
    Hell, maybe I’m wrong though. :question:

  9. hedonistic

    No, Irina, you’re 100% right. The way to incorporate casual sex in your life is to be a lady about it. Outside of the bedroom, I mean.

  10. DC_Cookie

    The older a woman gets, the more she learns the art of selection. Most women know they can get laid whenever they want. The thing most women DON’T know is how to distinguish between the man who will blow her mind away and the average man who won’t.

    Any woman who wants assistance finding the former…e-mail me.

  11. Jane A

    Sally is completely right about it being a matter of confidence for women. There is a cycle of being alone too long and then losing the ability to entice a man. The only thing is (and I know DCB is going to hate me for this) but I’d like to practice my enticement without actually sleeping with most of the men. Sex with a complete stranger is not apppealing, there must be some sort of mental/intellectual connection also (at least for me). Therefore 99% of the men I (try to) entice will not be getting sex. Is that cruel?

    PS I am not a prude, with the right man, sex all night long would be marvelous :amused

  12. rebecca

    Jane, it is cruel. And much fun and I totally do it too.

    And I call guys “sluts” all the time. I think it fits, though some people look at me strangely and laugh the first time they here it. But I think a slut is defined by a behavior pattern, not by a sex.

  13. hedonistic

    Phil, 10 times is my record. But I know a woman who did 23 once. She wasn’t using a gizmo either – she was with a man! She remembers him fondly!


  14. Anonymous

    Being selective and having class is not a crisis of confidence.

    Ratcheting up notches for the sake of doing so will only get you pumped and dumped unless you can fuck like a man (having the male mindset).

  15. The Muse

    As one of those girls who has had a fairly long drought seemingly without explanation, i’d be interested to hear what the possible explanations could be. I’m pretty, skinny, interesting, open, not just looking for money… I’d be happy to let anyone see me in action but i don’t understand the high percentage of guys who get my # and then don’t follow through.

    I agree that I’m probably in the camp of DC girls with unrealistic expectations, but i try to overcome that. If you ask, i will give you my number, i will go out on at least one date.

    If the goal is something more than one night of making out/sex what am i missing?

  16. Anonymous

    Sally, Sally – why is it that having class is something that is continually lost on you? You continue to underwhelm – your first post had promise, but you continue to make me wonder why you should be the arbiter of women’s behavior. I mean, why take advice from a girl with little self control who gets shitfaced drunk and yaks in her hands? Don’t even get me started on the racist comments…

    Getting a notch just to get a notch isn’t a confidence builder – if anything, it is a destroyer, because chances are, he’s not all that!

    Confidence is knowing who you are and living it up with the best you’ve got. Confidence is not reaffirmed by shagging some dumbfuck who only wants to score anyway. Confidence is not something cultivated by pandering to other people’s urges.

    Grow up, Sally.

  17. hedonistic

    Anonymous: Agreed, dumbfuck pump-and-dump types aren’t worth the attention. A smart, pretty girl knows not to even let such “not-all-that” men stand next to her in a night club, lest she inadvertently enhance their “game” by associating with them. Don’t let them feed off your energy; just leave the premesis and take up with other company.

    The occasional notch should be with men who are at least humane, decent and respectful on some basic level. The aren’t marriage minded or marriage material, but they’re safe to open up with (pardon the pun). There are literally hordes of men who live up to this standard.

    Also, a woman should be careful about who to “notch” because once she starts sleeping with a man the hormones (oxytocin) start to rev up and flow, and she runs the risk of falling in love despite her better judgment.

    Bottom line: There is no worse fate than getting attached to some prick who doesn’t deserve you. Choose your notches wisely!

  18. Anonymous

    most women don’t need to have a fling, it’s not hard to meet a guy that wants a relationship. flings are for men cuz they can’t pick and choose like women can!
    if i’m not in a relationship i just use my vibrator. why give in to every single guy that looks at me when i can share myself with someone special?? waiting for someone special is worth being sexually frustrated for whatever length of time.

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