Tight Game Week It took me a while to master the phone because I’m the type of person that likes talking to people in person. Well that’s what I told myself at the time. I struggled with basics like whether to leave messages or not and what to do when there was an awkward silence, leading me to avoid the phone and rely on email instead. I was an email pro, but I quickly began to hate it. It was slow and even more impersonal.

When I decided that I had to figure it out, I started collecting phone numbers. For half a year my entire game was more about getting phone numbers than getting laid, all so I can get my phone game handled.

I didn’t do so well in the beginning. Girls wouldn’t call me back. I thought it was the message I was leaving, so I left different types of messages. Still nothing. Then I got paranoid about leaving messages and decided to phone stalk these girls from different numbers instead. That didn’t work either so I was sort of stumped.

One day my friend and I came up with an idea. We’d exchange numbers of girls we got nowhere with and randomly call them up. I called up this girl I never met, left a message, and she actually called back. We had a great hour-long conversation and she agreed to meet out with me the same night. It turned out to be a great blind date, but it left me even more confused. Why was it so easy with a girl that I never met, but so hard with girls I gamed? Frustration continued for several more months.

I eventually found out what was wrong: I was so focused on getting the number that I did not serve proper game. If you’ve ever gone out on a number harvesting night, you already know that a number is meaningless. Girls give them out to anyone, and it doesn’t mean they are going to bang you. It made sense that all I got was numbers because that was the exact goal I had in my mind. But then I decided to change it up a little bit, to focus not on numbers but on building something, to lay the groundwork down so us hanging out again is an inevitability. Soon after that for the first time a girl asked me to take her number. Then it started happening regularly. The shift in thinking turned out to be a wise move.

A girl decides if she is going to call you back well before you call her for the first time. Unless you say something stupid, her opinion will not change with what you say in a message.

Rule #1: Leave a simple message, with only your name, number, and a request for a callback. You can leave the time too if you want. Always leave a message.

Don’t tell a story or funny joke in your message. Definitely do not say something like, “Hey it’s Stan… from Friday night.” If she doesn’t remember you, it was over anyway. Do not try to impress her over the phone. Since girls never answer their phone, there is no need to feel nervous when you first call. You’ll be leaving a message that you can redo if you want.

So great, girls were calling me back, but now what do I talk about? I’d get that awkward silence and have to quickly end the conversation. There was an easy fix to this:

Rule #2: After you leave your message, have two things in your head that you could talk to her about when she calls back.

One thing should be relevant and recent (something you did), while the other can be an idea, thought, or interesting question. The conversation will organically continue from your initial threads. These are a little bit different from straight-up routines that you may have during approach game. These threads should be more flexible and customizable to the girl, but still well-tested. For instance one thread can be something like ‘Interesting thing I did the past week,’ which can contain a fancy structure you have worked on. While these threads will change with each girl, they should have a common open-ended structure. After a while you won’t need to mentally prepare, but it does help if your experience is limited.

Because I hold off on serious questions in the approach, the phone is a nice place to ask questions and focus a little on rapport. If she did call you back, she already likes you so you can tone down the game somewhat.

I quickly learned that phone conversations don’t have to be long to be meaningful. Girls don’t care if you can’t talk to them for half an hour. Five minutes is fine. Now it’s time to get her out.

Rule #3: Your main goal on the phone is to set a date.

At the end of your conversation, ask her what her schedule is like and then pick a day you both are free. It’s funny how free girls really are when you ask them straight-up about their schedule. It’s too easy for a girl to say “I’m busy” if you were to suggest a random day to her. By making her tell you what days she is free, you quickly are able to see if this girl is serious or not about hanging out with you.

Say you were thinking of scheduling a date three days from now. That’s a lot of dead time where something can happen. The last thing you want is to get flaked on cause the girl was unsure or nervous. You need a defense to prevent getting stood up so your time does not get wasted. When I schedule the date, I purposefully do not pick an exact time. I give her a range instead and tell her I will call on the day of the date to confirm a time.

Rule #4: Confirm by calling on the day of your date.

This is where you give an exact time. If she does not answer and call you back then feel good you have prevented getting stood up. If the date is one day after your phone conversation, this step may not be needed. Use your best judgement, but never assume a random chick you just met will come through.

Now you just have to show up. In this culture, the phone is essential to running tight game. Even though I hated talking on the phone, I put in the time to master it so it does not cost me notches. Just realize that the phone will not significantly improve your standing with a girl, but it can definitely kill it. It’s better to be generic on the phone than flamboyant.

29 thoughts on “PHONE GAME

  1. moi

    haha, as much as I hate most of the things you say here, from a female’s perspective, this is good advice. Calling is key– you will have a much better chance than somebody who emails. I have noticed that EVERY guy calls at 9:00 on the dot. Usually if you meet him over the weekend, he will call on Tuesday at 9:00. I would suggest not calling right at nine- but not too much after or before– because it looks a little too rules/game-ish.

  2. hedonistic

    I think women are impressed when men call, PERIOD. Email is nice too, but it’s a little bit of a cop-out when the guy already has my number. Men who call get top billing with me, while those who email can just get in line and wait for me to get around to them.

    Funny thing DCB, you’re right: My cell phone is OFF most of the time. I use it to warehouse messages. It’s more than just not wanting to appear desperate; it’s about my refusing to become a slave to some little electronics device. I refuse to be “On Call” like some ten-dollar hooker. Also, I consider cell-phone slaves RUDE, because they are always answering their phones mid-conversation. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. Bah.

  3. Kathryn

    This works.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women (myself included) say, “why doesn’t he just CALL?!?” It’s just as fast as text and email, but has much greater impact.


  4. nabeel

    good post. I disagree with #4 though. I rather just set the date and time of where we’re gonna meet during #3. Then I will just go. If I get stood up, oh well. If she shows up, great! She has a good memory!

  5. Charlotte

    What’s with guys asking for a number and then not calling at all? Or more recent and more frustrating example — I met a guy, who did not ask for my number, but called me to say he got my number from a mutual friend and should have just asked me for it directly. He wanted me to know “he’d be calling me.” NOTHING. WTF?

  6. Andy

    You know, I hear all the time that a guy shouldn’t “call to confirm”… but I think I see where you’re going with this. I’ve had more than a couple of girls ask me to call the day of to “confirm”… and then she’d flake out or try to change plans altogether. So guys, just beat them to it! I set the day and leave the details such as location/time/etc. for a follow-up call.

    I’ve always believed that how soon a girl returns your call is a good indicator of how much she likes you. If you call, leave a message, and don’t hear anything for a couple of days…. just delete the number. She’s not playing games…. nobody is that busy. The WORST feeling is when you have a really good date, then you call afterwards and never hear from her again. Then you have no clue what went wrong in her eyes, so its kinda hard to adapt.

    Guys should NEVER introduce text messaging into their game. The only thing its good for is asking your buddy pressing questions like, “what was the name of that bar we went to last week” when its on the tip of your tongue. In my experience, I get the most text messages from young girls who are trying to change plans or bail on the date.

  7. nabeel

    Yeah, I only use text messaging for when I get lost, or when I’ve arrived at her place and ready to go.

  8. irina

    the sad truth is that this kind of only applies to outgoing, chatty girls. being a phone-hating part-introvert i often don’t answer the phone because i just don’t feel like talking. yes, i was friendly and talkative at the bar, but i was drunk then, and i’m not now.
    but i also don’t give my number out to just anyone.

  9. DC_Cookie

    Rule #5: Don’t bother giving your number to a woman who won’t give you hers. She doesn’t give you hers because she isn’t interested…

  10. DCRookie

    This is solid advice. In 6 months, I fully expect a series of testimonials in which your disciples reveal how much this information helped them.

  11. DCB Post author

    I have done text messaging experimentation and it’s just as bad as email. It’s best left for the high school kids.

    Andy: Yes, at first I did not like to confirm. You think, “plans are plans.” But if I consider my time valuable, and know that women will sometimes disrespect it, I am not getting in my car unless I know with strong certainty that she is going to be there.

  12. mystery

    i allways find that i come across an akwars silence.. this is why i hate talking on the phone much. good advice but i really cant think of any open ended questions to ask a girl… any help?

  13. Tonya

    Nice note–one problem. What do you do when it’s a GUY who stands you up and you talked to him only 1 1/2 HOURS before you were supposed to meet? Guys are jerks too and it’s about time someone stopped acting like standing people up is only something women do to men.

  14. yeders

    love the tips. i’m not a huge fan on calling. in general, but setting dates is normally done, however, it will always be done over the phone now 🙂
    actually, the first date i arranged was in person. hehe

  15. yeders

    love the tips. i’m not a huge fan on calling. in general, but setting dates is normally done, however, it will always be done over the phone now 🙂
    actually, the last date i arranged was in person. hehe

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