It took me a while to master the phone because I’m the type of person that likes talking to people in person. Well that’s what I told myself at the time. I struggled with basics like whether to leave messages or not and what to do when there was an awkward silence, leading me to avoid the phone and rely on email instead. I was an email pro, but I quickly began to hate it. It was slow and even more impersonal.
When I decided that I had to figure it out, I started collecting phone numbers. For half a year my entire game was more about getting phone numbers than getting laid, all so I can get my phone game handled.
I didn’t do so well in the beginning. Girls wouldn’t call me back. I thought it was the message I was leaving, so I left different types of messages. Still nothing. Then I got paranoid about leaving messages and decided to phone stalk these girls from different numbers instead. That didn’t work either so I was sort of stumped.
One day my friend and I came up with an idea. We’d exchange numbers of girls we got nowhere with and randomly call them up. I called up this girl I never met, left a message, and she actually called back. We had a great hour-long conversation and she agreed to meet out with me the same night. It turned out to be a great blind date, but it left me even more confused. Why was it so easy with a girl that I never met, but so hard with girls I gamed? Frustration continued for several more months.
I eventually found out what was wrong: I was so focused on getting the number that I did not serve proper game. If you’ve ever gone out on a number harvesting night, you already know that a number is meaningless. Girls give them out to anyone, and it doesn’t mean they are going to bang you. It made sense that all I got was numbers because that was the exact goal I had in my mind. But then I decided to change it up a little bit, to focus not on numbers but on building something, to lay the groundwork down so us hanging out again is an inevitability. Soon after that for the first time a girl asked me to take her number. Then it started happening regularly. The shift in thinking turned out to be a wise move.
A girl decides if she is going to call you back well before you call her for the first time. Unless you say something stupid, her opinion will not change with what you say in a message.
Rule #1: Leave a simple message, with only your name, number, and a request for a callback. You can leave the time too if you want. Always leave a message.
Don’t tell a story or funny joke in your message. Definitely do not say something like, “Hey it’s Stan… from Friday night.” If she doesn’t remember you, it was over anyway. Do not try to impress her over the phone. Since girls never answer their phone, there is no need to feel nervous when you first call. You’ll be leaving a message that you can redo if you want.
So great, girls were calling me back, but now what do I talk about? I’d get that awkward silence and have to quickly end the conversation. There was an easy fix to this:
Rule #2: After you leave your message, have two things in your head that you could talk to her about when she calls back.
One thing should be relevant and recent (something you did), while the other can be an idea, thought, or interesting question. The conversation will organically continue from your initial threads. These are a little bit different from straight-up routines that you may have during approach game. These threads should be more flexible and customizable to the girl, but still well-tested. For instance one thread can be something like ‘Interesting thing I did the past week,’ which can contain a fancy structure you have worked on. While these threads will change with each girl, they should have a common open-ended structure. After a while you won’t need to mentally prepare, but it does help if your experience is limited.
Because I hold off on serious questions in the approach, the phone is a nice place to ask questions and focus a little on rapport. If she did call you back, she already likes you so you can tone down the game somewhat.
I quickly learned that phone conversations don’t have to be long to be meaningful. Girls don’t care if you can’t talk to them for half an hour. Five minutes is fine. Now it’s time to get her out.
Rule #3: Your main goal on the phone is to set a date.
At the end of your conversation, ask her what her schedule is like and then pick a day you both are free. It’s funny how free girls really are when you ask them straight-up about their schedule. It’s too easy for a girl to say “I’m busy” if you were to suggest a random day to her. By making her tell you what days she is free, you quickly are able to see if this girl is serious or not about hanging out with you.
Say you were thinking of scheduling a date three days from now. That’s a lot of dead time where something can happen. The last thing you want is to get flaked on cause the girl was unsure or nervous. You need a defense to prevent getting stood up so your time does not get wasted. When I schedule the date, I purposefully do not pick an exact time. I give her a range instead and tell her I will call on the day of the date to confirm a time.
Rule #4: Confirm by calling on the day of your date.
This is where you give an exact time. If she does not answer and call you back then feel good you have prevented getting stood up. If the date is one day after your phone conversation, this step may not be needed. Use your best judgement, but never assume a random chick you just met will come through.
Now you just have to show up. In this culture, the phone is essential to running tight game. Even though I hated talking on the phone, I put in the time to master it so it does not cost me notches. Just realize that the phone will not significantly improve your standing with a girl, but it can definitely kill it. It’s better to be generic on the phone than flamboyant.