Two months after posting that picture of Poppers and Cali, I’ve decided to embark on a journey to seduce them both… SIMULTANEOUSLY. The development of this plan took about 2 hours a day of my time, and I’d like to share with you how I’m going to do it (if I ever run into them).
Now before you continue reading, I must stress that this is high-octane Casanova seduction shit. You normal people might not “get it”.
1. Insinuate well-endowdness. When we’re talking in the club, I’m going to mention how I have to special order jeans with lower crotch areas. Then I’ll point to my crotch casually and they can’t help but look (since I drew attention to it). Once they see the bulge, they’ll start thinking of me sexually.
2. Talk about the other. To create a jealousy plot, I’m going gush about the other girl to stir jealous feelings. “Poppers, doesn’t Cali just look ravishing today?” “Cali, doesn’t Poppers have nice flowing hair?”
3. Find that special flaw. I’ll have to do some research on this one, but every girl has that one thing that bugs them that no other human being ever notices. “Poppers, the arch in your back is so beautifully curved.” “Cali, your elbows have no dryness!!!”
4. Venue change. I can’t use the standard “Let’s have a drink at my place” because that’s too played. A few weeks ago my mom gave me photo albums of when I was around one. Many of those are of me naked (this was before taking naked pictures of your child was a crime). Since they are not in digital form, there is no way for them to view these awesome photos unless they come over.
Only one word can describe how I feel about this romantic plan: visionary.
POSTSCRIPT: I wrote this piece before Kelly got all selfish on me and shut her page down. My plan is in jeopardy. :paranoid: