Seth Godin writes about whether or not it is time to quit your job:
If he leaves and joins another company, he gets to reinvent himself. No one in the new company will remember young Doug from 10 years ago. No, they’ll treat Doug as the new Doug, the Doug with endless upside and little past.
Let’s look at it from the perspective of evolution: Species that evolve the fastest are the ones that don’t mate for life. By switching mates, swapping genes with someone new, you continually reshuffle the gene pool, making it more likely you’ll create something new and neat and novel and useful.
You can read the whole thing here.
I thought about how this relates to women (of course) and was reminded of college. In my sophomore year I had a crush on a girl who only liked me as a friend. I accepted that and didn’t really push it, so we’d study together and she’d talk about guys she wanted to bang.
Four years later…
My game changed a lot. I was on the right path to figuring out how this dating thing works, and how to get what I want. Then my former crush invited me on a night out with her friends. As tight as I think my game had gotten, she simply could not accept that I changed, and tried to treat me like she did back in college. I refused to be pegged to this old version of me, so we got into a fight and haven’t talked since. Nothing would shake the strong impression of me she had in her mind, and I wasn’t willing to build a new relationship based on our old one. It’s so much easier to start anew than work on someone who already made up their mind. Less hassle, less work.
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My Pick-Up Guide:
This strategy has huge holes…
1. Doesn’t factor in hiv and std. I mean the risks are so high and odds only increase with frequency of bringing new meat.
2. C.O.D.A.– Cost of dating adjustment–You have to spend significantly more over a period time to impress and keep the chick as opposed to staying with the same woman and lowering the amount spent on dates/using her money.
3. Its just so hard out here for a pimp. Just too much work and strategizing that you would have to factor in…Increased strategy research, background research, emotional need research, how dirty a ho research.
“There is no try. Either Do or Don’t, no try”
“If Butch goes to IndoChina, I want someone hiding out in a bowl of rice ready to put a cap in his ass”
“I hate quiting you, Vito”
That’s an interesting theory…people do tend to keep images in their head of someone no matter the time or the change and the newness sometimes is necessary. I have also seen people in almost your identical situation that have changed their viewpoint years later though and accepted the person as something different…Depends on the person I guess??
good for you buddy, you shouldn’t take heat from any broad, particularly alleged “friends.” my own reinvention from beta male to i-don’-give-a-fug player was about 5 years ago, and the most significant collateral damage wasn’t inflicted on me, but rather the pathetic harem of female “friends” who were upset that i wasn’t willing to pay for drinks, cab rides, cover charges, etc. and basically be their monkey in many respects on nights out. i napalmed the last bridge about a month ago (hey, it takes years to become a new person) after i foolishly agreed to meet a former crush at cafe milano. after 10 minutes at the bar, she ignores me to talk to a fat yokel and some creepy guy who looked like pierce padget from “LA Confidential.” i did the right thing, grumbled something to her and split. all i had to show for it was a hole in my wallet from a $15 cab ride and two $15 vodkas. god i get chills just thinking about it all over again… and of course now what happens? after getting excised, she does the still-weekly VM/e-mail: “hi ribald… haven’t heard from you… you’re not mad at me, are you?” ha ha…
I hit rock bottom before I realized I needed to make a change and keep it. That was helped by moving to a new city and hitting the reset button on life.
You gotta swing to hit.
Maybe she doesn’t see a radical change in you at all. Perhaps your perception of yourself is skewed. “:idea: ”
I got “I just want to be friends” from a chick once who later did a 180 and wanted to bang. However, in the interim I had decided that wasn’t really that attracted to her, in any sense of the word.
Dude you were on her friend ladder. You were fated to fail. Improved game or not.
Happens to all of us. In the sexual world it’s one thing, in the business world it’s another, and worse there. I hate dealing with someone that used to be above me in the power structure and now can’t treat me as an equal. No matter how good I am at my job they still see me as a step below. Working with newer people is never as hard because they can see me now and respect what I’m doing.
If the old crush won’t pump, you dump. Hard to fire the haters at the office.
DCB– Are you familiar with the Ladder Theory? I’d love to get your take on it.
Yes, insightful post. I have experienced something similar. About 3-4 years ago I took stock of my life, including my social relationships and my sexual relationships (almost non-existent) and I concluded I was no longer statisfied with there I stood. I began a process of making some major changes, but the people who knew the ‘old’ me just never accepted the ‘new’ me. I made a choice that I was no longer willing to accept people in my life who didn’t treat me the way I wanted, so I dropped most of those people. Casting aside those that do not meet your standards is very empowering.
I was very advaced for my age I guess. After High School I moved to Cali. When I finally came back home every person I knew, had as a “friend” “loved” “crushed on” was water under the bridge. New woman, new life, new personality, new confidence. Buh-bye all you twerps who walked over me.
Years later some of these guys tried their best to get me to go out with them, Fu that. I think it is just self-esteem and confidence and the way you carry yourself that allows you not to be walked over.
The Ladder Theory is BS, thus says personal experience
“I like you as a friend” is a kind way of saying, “I like you as a person, but I don’t ever, ever, ever want to have sex with you.” A woman will know if she’s interested in having sex with you within 15 seconds of meeting you. Trust me, it’s all downhill from there as you’ll be given a million opportunities to turn her off and be kicked into . . .
. . . The Friend Zone (horror movie scream)
Once you’re in the Friend Zone you’ll never get out. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be platonic friends with women who don’t want to fuck you, because they still may be valuable human beings with a lot to offer. Just don’t waste your money and energy on hope.
hot girls a guy isn’t fucking have only one beneficial thing to offer — hot friends.
ugly girls have nothing to offer that a guy can’t get from his guy friends or his dog.
I checked out the “Ladder Theory” and I think it’s only valid in social systems where men have all (or at least most) of the money and power. In systems like this, the only way women can achieve security is by attaching themselves to men. How can you blame women for it? I say quit hating on women for coping the only way they’re allowed to cope. So-called “women’s work” has shitty pay and no benefits associated with it.
In those small pockets of Western society where women have equal access to high-paying careers, their own resources and their own power, the Ladder Theory is absolutely USELESS. Except for the Friend Ladder. That part’s eternal.
I’m fairly confident that when you’re describing yourself in terms of “how your game has changed,” the underlying truth is that you haven’t gone through much substantive growth whatsoever. You’re sounding like a child–or at best a misogynistic teenage boy–and perhaps what she really goes for is adults.
I heard about the ladder theory about 4 years ago. Over time I have realized that yes it is very true. It does not make a difference if the woman earns more or not, the basics are the same, women have two ladders (one of friends and one of potential sexual partners).
However, I believe that women just want power (just like men). The only difference is that their approach to power is different than a man’s approach. It is just easier to attach yourself to a man who has power and wield it through him rather than building up you base from ground zero. Furthermore, for a woman to get power through her husband it is, by and large, acceptable practice whereas the other way around, for a man to get power through his wife, it is considered “unmanly”.
The bottom line is that both men and women want power, but their approaches are just different. If you visit a country in which a collectivistic culture is predominant (as opposed to American individualistic culture) and get to know the culture, especially the dating scene you will see that it common that men date and marry women based upon their family standing in the society (which translates into power via familial connections to politicians, businessmen, etc.). Of course, women do the same thing (this leads to intra socioeconomic class dating and marriage and reduces socioeconomic class jumping).