Recently a man I’m dating asked me to please be more careful of what I say and to stop word-vomiting because I sometimes vomit up things that he takes the wrong way and hurt his feelings. People who know me know that they can disregard about 50% of everything I say because it’s not actually meant to be heard by other people. I keep forgetting that other people aren’t like this and need to be warned in advance because they are big fat babies.
I say mean things all the time and I don’t feel badly about it. If I think something is funny, I’m going to say it before I consider who may get offended by it. And that’s a problem. Not just for me, but what happens when you’re acting out a behavior that is second-nature to you, and which is probably annoying or rude or whatever to others? And nobody bothers to call you on it, so you just never conduct a self-examination? And then you just turn into this monster that other people hate but love at the same time? People are rewarding your blunt behavior and it just sort of takes over. You leave a trail of butt-hurt people who cry to others about how “mean” or “inconsiderate” you are. Aren’t we all adults?
I don’t think it’s so wrong to receive honesty from people, especially the ones you date. Even if you don’t like what they tell you, you should be open to the possibility of trying to look at yourself objectively and figure out what the problem might be on your end. It’s also nice to deliver honesty once in awhile. If someone drives you crazy with a particular behavior (especially one that appears to be make-or-break), politely telling them about this problem may well end it, saving you both some major hassle. They might tell you to go to hell, but if it’s a rare wise person, they’ll thank you eventually. Otherwise, if you do nothing to help yourself, you really have no room to carp about others.