Men are able to use both personality and status to get women. The personality man uses words, attitude, and body language. The status man uses clothing, job title, and cars. It’s easy to imagine a line with personality on one end and status on the other, where a majority of men fit somewhere in between.

I use about 85% personality because it is the best way for me to attract the kind of girl that I like. I dress in simple, dated clothing. I drive an old, practical car. I don’t put too much time into my appearance. I am reluctant to talk about my job. I am slow to reveal interesting things I do that may impress women. My game highlights my humor and energy instead of my material possessions. It pays off: I date girls who are low-maintenance, laid-back, creative, and spontaneous.

My job title used to be a humble one. It said I’m neither poor nor rich. Because I don’t attract girls who are looking for status, it was never a problem when I told these girls I need to watch my spending.

But now I have a new job title that is much more flashy. For the past two weeks I have a stronger answer to do the inevitable “What do you do” question. Girls now ask more about my job than they did before, maybe trying to piece together how much I really make. It completely changes the vibe of the encounter where my career achievement gets the spotlight instead of my sexy banter.

The worst thing a guy can do is use his money to attract a girl. Using status does get your foot in the door but it has two large drawbacks: (1) it prevents you from building a proper foundation to consistently get and keep girls, and (2) it attracts the wrong type of girl.

In The Prince, Machiavelli talks about the two ways to gain power: ability and good fortune. Princes who use ability have a hard time establishing their rule, but an easy time keeping it. Princes who rise through good fortune have an easy time establishing their rule, but a hard time holding on. Ability allows you to meet future challenges and adapt to the constantly changing environment, characteristics needed to successfully rule a nation.

Because […] he who has not first laid his foundations may be able with great ability to lay them afterwards, but they will be laid with trouble to the architect and danger to the building.

When you get girls through money, you are using good fortune. You will land some easy bait, but you have used a lure that many other men have. Not only is your hold on the woman tenuous, but your ability to get other women depends on external factors such as your bank account. What happens when the status man goes through a rough spot? His real power is weak, and he is under constant pressure to maintain the image of success even when his financial house is in disorder.

As a club veteran, I see the types of girls that give second looks to sharply dressed men in VIP booths. If you walk down the ghetto while waving hundred dollar bills in your hand, I doubt you will be surprised when someone robs you of it. Money attracts people who like money. Status attracts women who want this money; the shallow kind of woman that still has trouble searching for a deeper meaning in life besides collecting overpriced purses.

Using personality (“game”) to get women allows you to weather any storm. It doesn’t matter if you live with your parents, work at Starbucks, or dress in Old Navy clothing because as long as you have the ability to engage women emotionally and push those attraction buttons, almost any woman can be yours. Broke or not, the only thing that would stop you from meeting that hot girl in the dairy section of the supermarket is yourself, not your wallet.

I went back to telling girls my old job title. Modest, simple… just like the girl I want.

72 thoughts on “STATUS

  1. hedonistic

    Awesome, awesome post. You nailed it.

    ME TO GUY: “You have NO IDEA how much play a man can get just from being a character.”

    GUY: “Don’t tell anyone else, please, this is my only hope. Just look who David Spade is banging these days!”

  2. Laura

    Insightful- I can’t stand guys that talk about money, at all, and I can’t stand guys that spend too much on a date. It tells me that they are insecure and lacking in other areas and it gives me that queasy feeling that somehow I owe them somethig. The best date I’ve ever had was a picnic in the park with cheap wine, animal crackers and disposable cups.

  3. KassyK

    Here we go with the DCB gushing–While I don’t always agree–here I do. Great post, great thoughts and VERY VERY true. If only all guys realized that not all girls are attracted to a job title. Many many are but the low maintenance, creative girls usually aren’t…just like the more interesting guys don’t use their title to get quality girls…For ass-fine…but for something that is actually fun in all ways–they know better.


  4. C

    Solid post. During bouts of insecurity it’s easy to look at the flashy stuff and think “maybe that’s the ticket,” but in the end, the effort’s better spent working on character, which lasts longer.

  5. Ally

    Confirmed… your writing style and personality appeal to a broader demographic than you might imagine.

  6. Anonymous

    I’m a guy and completely agree and will add one thing. Appearing ho hum with an old car and so so clothes and revealing tidbits slowly makes you more mysterious, cool in that it seems you transcend the game. Women dig mystery. Combine with natural confidence that appears to contradict your modesty and she wonders what he has under the surface that has yet to be unwrapped. Better to lay low and have your image go up clowly with each small revelation that impresses her than start out showing off a flashy car and fancy job title only to show one lives on a shoestring and is broke, and his VP title means he is a glorified secretary.

  7. Sudamericana

    I agree with what you say…. the only thing that did not make sense to me while I was reading iss the part where you, being DCB, refer to keeping a girl. As the commenter above said, if you are only interested in pumping and dumping, that shouldn’t be a concern at all.

  8. virglekent

    This post sucked… sike it was hot like Brooke Burke on Fire!

    I feel you on this and it’s also the reason I date hot older women (H.o.W). Because they know and understand that with my age I’m not on their level financially. So if they stay with me, theres absolutly no way their with me for my money….. must be the cock….

  9. Mike

    I’m gonna jump on the bandwagon and say that this is easily one of your best posts ever. Your blog is easily the best and most consistent of the DC blog circuit, and this post is a prime example of why this is so.

    OK, enough jocking. Keep up the good work.

  10. virglekent

    I also know you like to dress very simple with your one white t shirt and jean cut of shorts that let your one nad hang out.

    Me on the other hand growing up with three divas, fashion is in my blood. I feel more confidant and dare I even say (sexy) with a fresh pair of jeans and a black button up from Dolce and Gabbana. But it has nothing to do with getting women, because like sex fashion is all about me.

    Besides if I do get girl who likes be because of my expensive clothes, they?ll soon realize what?s up when I bring them home that night to my mom?s house and they ask for some grape juice. I?m like

    VK: ?Grape juice, bitch we aint got no grape juice! We got that purple drank ( grape kool-aid no sugar). You have to drink it out of this sippy cup because we only use the good glasses when we have important company (Thanksgiving & and the IRS stopping by)”

  11. joe

    that’s funny because it seems like the kind of girl you want is a fucking blow-up doll with no brain. that’s low maintenance though, you fucking retard.

  12. T.

    What about looks? You only talk about personality and money. Money alone doesn’t help because it’s external and a lot of other people have it, plus when it goes away that’s that. I’m with you there. But what if someone is ridiculously handsome AND has money? I’d say that’s quite often a tough combination to beat with just personality and a Starbucks job in today’s dating world.

  13. TC the Terrible

    A blatant example of this occured when I was in Fayetteville, NC for a year. Being the home town of Ft. Bragg there were thousands of soliders putting their game on the street.

    In the first five minutes of conversation the girl would find a way to ask for a man’s rank and how long he had been in the Army. Using those two factors she would caluclate his monthly pay and decide if he was ‘her type’. Telling a girl that the man was not military would often be the death of the conversation because she then had no basis to determine his income level. This made it easier to ditch the shallow gold diggers. It also served to set the man apart from the crowd and drive up interest in him.

    That town did not really have ‘normal’ women because it was based on Ft. Bragg being there. The social context of every thing centered on the 82nd Airborne so there were challenges that can not be replicated in other enviroments.

  14. Anonymous

    I hate the “what do you do for a living” question, and will not ask it unless it looks like the person really wants me to. At my age (23), people are still establishing their careers, so I think it is rude to ask. It is perfectly normal to be working a low-income job at this age (or be unemployed and living with parents), and also normal to feel insecure or embarassed about it.

    The worst guy I ever encountered at a bar was incredibly showy about his money (to the point of throwing bills at me and later waving them around in the streets as I tried to escape). It was not attractive in the least.

    He tried to act like he was doing me a huge favor by offering me a secretarial job at the embassy he works. This was after I told him what I do for a living, a job that makes about 40k more than a secretary. Obviously he was not listening and just assumed a cute girl is not capable of making more than 30k a year!

    So if you need to use your money and status because your personality is lacking, at least act humble about it. Have the girl “accidentally” find out what your job is, maybe hire a friend to casually bring it up. Buy the whole bar a round of drinks to show that you dot care how much you spend. And do not insult the girl by implying that she doesnt make much!

  15. hedonistic

    I just say, “So what fills your days?” It leaves open so many more options, and gives you something to say besides, “Oh. That’s cool.” One person will start talking about the career, while the next person will go on about the grandkids. The answers provide plenty of insight as to where their heads are at, for better or for worse.

  16. me

    You are such a FREAKING fake and LOSER! The ONLY guys who go on just personality OBVIOUSLY don’t have it in the bank to flaunt it. Those of us who DO have money don’t care whether some chick is after it or not because it is INCONSEQUENTIAL! Ultimately, you will be asked to provide and a solid bank account measures your ability to provide! That’s like opening a cheap club w/ lures of “people inside w/ great personality.” That gets you NOWHERE and no one intelligent wants to be a member you IDIOT! Get some cash and maybe you can attract a FEMALE w/ money of her own!

  17. freckledk

    On a first date, after hours of yammering away, my date said to me, “So…you haven’t asked me what I do for a living.” I replied, “That’s because I don’t care what you do for a living.”

    I think – at that moment – he fell in love with me, just a little bit.

  18. me

    He didn’t fall in love with you, he just wiped the sweat of his conscience.

    Furthermore, YOU are a PHILISTINE (look it up) because:
    You don’t care what he does for a living since:
    1) Either your own job sucks and you’re a LOSER; or
    2) You think you are such a hot-shot professional that no one else’s career can measure up to your own and you’re an ELITIST.

  19. freckledk

    In my case, neither would be applicable. I was more interested in hearing about his family, his friends, what movies he liked, etc. I work 50-60 hours a week…the last thing I want to do on a big night out is discuss my job.

    He and I spent the next 2 1/2 years together, and I eventually found out what he did for a living. And that knowledge didn’t make me like him any more/less.

    Thanks for the vocab lesson, me. If you have your dictionary at hand, try looking up ASSHAT.

  20. Anonymous

    This reminds me that I read this for pure entertainment. What world do you live in? If it’s real, then it’s kinda sad (and pathetic). Here’s how I’ve met my girlfriends (all of which are attractive and successful) — alumni gathering, coed flag football team, best-friend’s girlfriend set me up, house-party and sister’s wedding. My girlfriend now is awesome. Hot, funny, deliciously intoxicating Scandanavian woman (got the European vibe going). How’d I meet her? High school.

  21. me

    Wow. Thank you FRECKLEDK. You made me venture into YOUR life a bit and after clicking on your website blog, it became ABUNDANTLY clear that you come from a LONG line of “immediate family of spinsters” (LOSERS). I could have told from your post w/out even glancing at your blog that your job was insignificant and as you dole out the sweet/bitter stuff of life, you fail to come to terms with your shortcomings and instead deceive yourself into believing that ANYONE gives a damn! So to you, I scoff and blow a kiss wishing you well but full knowing you will never really LIVE.

  22. Dasha

    DCB, great post. I know far too many girls/women who’s dream “job” is become a trophy wife. There are many women who are status grabbers, they want the man to work so she can have her Louis Vuitton bag. These women need to learn how to create their own status by working hard, like you said you have to be modest, because if you dont have modesty you are attracting the wrong type of people. Just listen to Kanye West, he knows the deal.

  23. raincouver

    Whoa… easy there “me”. I refuse to believe that there are no successful women in DC. Where do you live? Winchester? Centreville? While DCB is not entirely right, he does have a point about personality.

    Our circle of friends do quite well. We are not all rich (though one did buy his Porsche brand new, from the dealer), but do okay. This is North America: for 99% of us, there will ALWAYS be someone richer than you. Our single female friends are successful and want someone similarly successful, fair enough. But we believe in equality, my friend, and these girls are just as willing to marry someone poorer than them (or less successful), as long as they are committed, respectful, and have a strong yet amenable PERSONALITY.

    I admit it, I played the game for a long time. Mea culpa, mea culpa. But the girls always knew where I stood. More importantly – there comes a time when you grow up and retire. DCB’s time will come. For now, he plays, good for him. So do the girls he dates. As long as you are both on a leveled playing field, there is no harm and no foul. Carry on; as you were.

  24. cosmic shambles

    To support DCB’s theory… One of my easiest pickups was one night that I went out on a last-minute whim to meet a friend at a club. I had been working on my house all day and was unshowered, wearing stinky- dirty clothes, a weeks-worth of unshaven face, etc. I went out knowing in advance that there was no way in hell any girl would look my way. Turned out that a girl approached me based soley on my personalty and looks. We ended up going out, and it was simply a bonus that I have a decent career, own a home, etc. and it was assuring to know that this was not the initial reason for her attraction to me. I have since turned to dressing like a bum on the regular, because the kind of girl I am interested in is not concerned with status and materialism. It’s a great way to weed out the mindless and spoiled status-hungry chicks.

  25. freckledk

    Wow, me! You got all of that from three little posts? What a wicked smartie you are! Bravo.

    Will you please marry me? I don’t want to be labeled insignificant or a loser due to an unmarried status. No personality? Small penis? Who cares! I promise to only want you for your money.

  26. Wendy

    nice post. What the hell is going on around here? Where am I?!

    Seriously, I can’t relate to women who seek men for money. I have dated rich and poor. I married a poor man who became rich…doesn’t matter. Money does not make the man.

  27. Anonymous

    You never know who is making more money than you. Many self-employed people who dropped out of the job scene because of the image bullshit dress in so-so clothes and spend wisely so drive a so-so car. So if any of you hotshots who think you’re all that with your spiffy clothes and 80-100k salary, the “bum” you are next to may be cleaning your clock financially, and laughing at you making a fool out of yourself.

    It pays to be humble.

  28. Stephen

    Indeed, it pays to be humble.

    Besides, I’d rather keep that money for myself, buy myself some things that I want, and go on some vacations that I want, rather then spend it on a girl while she keeps her income and spends it for herself.

    So that’s what I looked for, and I found it. She didn’t even want a diamond ring…

  29. minji

    I want to marry a man who has an amazing personality and who also earns a good income for two people to live off of. Someone who earns in the 70-80K range would be enough for two people in the D.C area.

    This is not to keep me in designer bags and shoes, as I think they are foolish. This is because when I have children I want to be home and raise them. I am Asian and firmly believe in the woman staying home to cook, clean and care for the family. I see this as noble, honorable and it is my dream. However, this is only sustainable on a certain income. Many women want a man who can support both of them, so that they can be better mothers and wives and not send their children to daycare.

  30. me

    I have PLENTY of personality and a NON-EXISTENT penis. Are only MEN supposed to come up w/ HONEST retorts?
    I am

  31. holiday

    The thing is, a lot of people in DC ask that question because they want to know where you stand on the political power scale. In other cities, you can buy your status. You buy it with fancy clothes, nice car, big house. It’s easy to be a baller. In DC, there is a strange dynamic with political people. They ask because they want to know who you work for, how you are politically connected, etc. That’s why there are of these lame hill bigwigs who have beautiful girlfriends. Sometimes power is more attractive than money.

    I don’t think this is the case with the people that DCB is hanging out with, but it is distinctly a part of the DC culture.

  32. Lonnie Bruner

    Wow, 38 comments comments and only one troll (“me”). That’s a pretty good record for your blog, DCB.

    And don’t you love how trolls always comment anonymously with no link to their own website, etc? Typical.

  33. RCR

    “If you have your dictionary at hand, try looking up ASSHAT.”

    That made me laugh out loud.

    I think the “what do you do” question gets thrown around in DC a lot because a lot of people here have really interesting jobs, and it’s often used as a conversation starter. I would be more wary of golddigging if I got that question in, say, Richmond than in DC. That said, I fucking hate the question.

  34. TC the Terrible

    “Someone who earns in the 70-80K range would be enough for two people in the D.C area.”


    Are you out of your freaking mind???? I don’t see how in the hell you could think that is enough money to raise kids on in this area. I make well over that much and THE WOMAN makes just over that much, but it still takes both of us to do the things that our kids need. If you can pull it off please send me the directions.


  35. Ally

    Holiday –

    Some years ago PEOPLE, a US-based celebrity gossip magazine, did a cover story on the 10 sexiest, eligible men in the world. At the time, bespectacled Henry Kissinger, former U.S. Secretary of State and international diplomat, was included in their number. “Power,” he is often quoted as having said, “is the greatest aphrodesiac.”

  36. minji

    TC the Terrible,
    Both my brothers are doing it right now. They are both in banking. One earns 85k a year and the other earns 79k. They both have children, and their wives stay at home.

    Here is how they do it:
    Live in Northern VA (Leesburg & Dulles are more affordable)

    Share one car. The wives drop off and pick up their husbands to and from work.

    Shop at Target and other discount stores for as much as you can. Clothes, diapers etc.

    Purchase a home in the area, and rent out of the basement to pay a big chunk of your mortgage, taxes. One brother does this and the other one rents a townhome for $1300 a month.

    Cook your husband’s lunch to save on him eating out.
    Iron clothes instead of dry cleaning.

    Use basic cable, basic phone packages.

    It can be done, it’s not easy but it’s worthwhile. Definitley though don’t get into using credit cards. I have seen my whole family live off one income. Don’t get caught in the double income trap.

  37. hedonistic

    Methinks “me” is just trying to get folks to react, since there is no continuity between it’s posts. Maybe it couldn’t take all this DCB luvin’ and was trying to restore some balance.

    Look at it’s first post; it was a setup, calling for someone to defend her profession but both A and B translated to “you lose.”

    Besides, it can’t even decide its gender, poor thing. I call for euthanasia.

  38. Anonymous

    I’ll add to Minji’s post:

    You can have two or three cars if you buy them used. A 10 year old honda or toyota can be had for $500-$1000 from the classifieds. There are plenty of yard sales to by clothes from super cheap. You can buy furniture from salvation army. There is no rule mandating vacations every year. I know from experience you can raise a four person family with 50k in the northern virginia area, though admittedly that’s pushing it.

  39. mhm

    One thing I’ve noticed is that very nice homes are like catnip to women. Much more so than cars and other stuff.

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