I go to the supermarket and arrive at the yogurt section. I notice that my favorite brand is out (the one that doesn’t give me gas). Turns out that ten of them are on sale for $5, and like crazed monkeys you people deprived me of my strawberry-banana pleasure and left me with nothing but the reject flavor… french vanilla.
That leads to my latest money-saving tip…
Just because something is on sale, doesn’t mean you should buy more of it. Don’t you notice that supermarkets announce sales in high quantities? 2 for $3, 7 for $6, and so on. They do this because it fucks with your head and you feel pressured to buy more for the extra “savings.” But you end up spending more on Hot Pockets than you would have because you are getting a supposed deal. Oh the irony! Well fuck that, only buy whats on your list, nothing more. (For some of you morbidly obese people I know that is going to be hard cause you see all the Oreo cookie flavors and want to tear into the packaging. Don’t think I don’t see you salivating as you reluctantly go for the reduced fat version.)
What happens when you buy something in mass quantity is that you tend to consume more of it. As a test just put a bowl of M&M’s in front of you and see how long it takes you to finish them. You won’t even be hungry but you can’t help yourself and you finish the whole bowl in a short amount of time and then you feel like shit and guilty that you ate them and then you eat more to relieve some of that guilt and then next thing you know you wake up one day and are 300 pounds and can’t walk without chafing your own legs. Trust me, it’s brutal.