TESTING WOMEN

Dating women is risky. The most important thing in life, time, is wasted again and again on girls who are unable to meet our standards. We need a way to quickly screen out women that do not at least meet a certain level of quality. But we cannot trust them to accurately represent themselves through dating. A woman you thought was your dream girl by date one turns out to be a neighborhood bicycle by date three.

Women test us all the time. Most of their tests try to figure out how much we really like them and how much attention we are willing to give. It would make sense that a typical woman would test for your investment in her because that’s all she is really trying to find: a man who devotes all of his resources into her. But I think men need tests too. We need tests to determine if the girl we’re talking to is crazy or not. It would be nice if there was some ready-made resource of tests we could use on women, customizable for the guy depending on what he wants.

For instance, one thing I don’t want is a shallow bitch. I did a little thinking and created a test for this that is built right into the approach.

The test: Go up to a physically attractive girl (at least a 7 out of 10) in a bar or club and say, “Hi. There is a guy at the bar that wants to buy you a round of drinks.”

I figure the kind of girl that would accept this offer is not the kind of girl I want to date. But before incorporating this test into my toolbox, I had to validate it to make sure it really tests what I want it to. Last week at Tabaq, I went up to girls who, from my experiences, I knew were shallow bitches. They were blonde white girls with fake tans. Probably in a sorority. Carrier of a designer handbag. Looking like she’s too cool for everyone in the bar. If these girls failed my new test, then it probably works.

Conclusion: it works.

The first time I did it was to a girl walking by me. As soon as I hit her with my test, her eyes opened and she reached out to grab her friend. Her eyes stayed on me, ready to find out more and tell me what drinks to order. I told her she failed my test and she immediately walked away, humiliated.

Second time I did it to a girl standing still by the bar. She moved closer to me, her face restraining the joy that “a guy” wanted to buy her a drink. After I told her she failed the test, she tried to play it off like she already had a drink coming.

Same thing with the third girl. This one was a little bit more giddy and cracked a smile. I decided to crush her with, “Haha just kidding. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ”

There are tons of women out there who are completely willing to accept drinks from total strangers. Haven’t they heard of roofies? If men were always offered free drinks like women, I really doubt we’d be salivating as much over something that costs seven dollars. Anyway.

Not only does my first test help me screen out what I don’t want, but it makes these girls feel like shit for at least one minute. I recommend every guy try this because it’s entertaining and educational.

42 thoughts on “TESTING WOMEN

  1. Anonymous

    I thought you liked the neighborhood bicycle. You can’t expect a girl to give it up to you on date 1 and not end up being a “neighborhood bicycle.” That is, unless you expect her to not go out at all… at which point you’d call her a spinster.

    You’re so damned insatiable.

  2. So what

    eh…I don’t buy it. Free drinks sound good to me I think it’s sociable at best and human nature at worst to accept something free that makes you feel good…But if you want to classify it as something that “dumb girls” do then so be it…I am with you with the fake tan, designer bag chick though they can really suck…

  3. Sweet

    If a guy I didn’t know came up to me and said ‘a guy wanted to buy me a drink’ I would probably think he’s a weirdo referring to himself in the third person, and I would smile and keep walking.

  4. cosmic shambles

    I have a test that I use to find out if a woman is crazy or not: If she is female, she’s crazy. It is the degree of her psychosis that takes time to discern.

  5. virglekent

    Shhhhh, dude, shut the fuck up about the roofies.

    In other news Pretty Ricky has a shipment coming in at the end of the month. He’s using a Mexican midget as a mule and putting 3 bags up his ass. $20 for two you in?

  6. Lonnie Bruner

    I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. You’re supposed to say, ?Hi. There is a guy at a bar that wants to buy you a round of drinks.??

    Did you mean to say “*a* bar” as opposed to “*the* bar”? If so, what bar? Like some bar somewhere on earth there exists “a guy” who wants to buy her drinks? Why wouldn’t you just say, “My friend over there at the bar wants to buy you ladies a round of drinks.”?

    Please explain for the old man.

  7. Garfield

    If I had been approached in this fashion my instinctive response would have been “sure, thanks. I’ll get the next round.”

  8. TC the Terrible

    I think you should have an ugly troll at the bar with you when you use this method. When fake-bake girl with the designer bag accepts the offer of drinks you have ugly troll boy deliver them and then hit on her all night. It adds to the humiliation when she can’t shake him and has to move on to another bar. But I’m evil like that.

  9. KassyK

    Ah the irony of this post. I buy all my drinks all the time and my guys friends CONSTANTLY make fun of me…even my blogger guy friend commented on it in an email last night (you know who you are) and told me that I should NEVER as a woman be buying myself drinks. So I guess every guy has a diff “thing”.

    I personally dont accept a drink from a guy bc that means I have to talk to him. And Im usually not interested in meeting guys when I am out. Im trying to hang with my friends.

    But if a guy FRIEND that I already know wants to buy us all a round of shots including himself—does that count?

  10. holiday

    Isn’t this test kind of ridiculous? If you told a girl that you wanted to buy her a drink, she would either accept and talk to you for a while and maybe you hit it off OR she could just tell you to get the hell away from her. Maybe you would be better off looking for girls that already have drinks in their hand, so they can say “No. I’m cool. I’ve already got a drink.”

    Besides aren’t you the same guy who told me that I was shallow, because I always offered to pay on a first date, but wouldn’t go on a second if they let me pay. For the record, I’ve amended my test. Now I just let them pay for dinner/movie/whatever and then I buy drinks afterwards. It kind of evens itself out.

  11. Chaco

    Not bad at all. Next time try asking girls who you don’t think will accept and see what response you get. That would make the test even more valid, and probably lead to a better shot a picking them up because a) you will like them and keep spitting game, and b) because you will reward them with the good news they passed your test.

  12. Andy

    So what is your definition of shallow, DCB?

    Mine would be favoring good looks, wealth, success, and other indications of value over anything else. This screen fits in with a guy throwing his cash around, for sure.

    All I’ve ever really screened for is smarts and compassion… and prescriptions for anti-psychotics.

  13. oface

    VK–Nacho Libre got a delivery…..

    DCB–I dunno. This sort of like throwing bloody chum in shark infested waters, I mean their all gonna respond that way. Hell I would too (no homo)….I just like to walk around with my pockets pulled out like bunny ears so I can let women know right up front what their working with…Cuts right through the chase and usually, well usually most end up walking away, except for this Helen Keller type chick…

  14. Raincouver

    There is definitely a flaw in this test. Many of these too cool for school girls actually EARN a living, and like to show it off. I can count at least 5 girls that I know who would accept a drink as an ice-breaker, and then buy the next round if she is interested. “You don’t own me, troll”, that’s their attitude, and rightly so.

    Of course there are are lots of shallow women out there, just like there are men. But it has been traditionally the role of men to approach a woman, and this is one way of doing it. And evidently not recommended, may I add.

  15. Ayla

    If someone approached me like this, my interest would be piqued in that I would want to meet the person who wanted to meet me, not in the free drink. I think girls over the age of 23 could care less about free alcohol. I mean, seriously, unless you’re out to get plastered, how much are you really going to spend? And when men offer to buy me another round and I’m already having something pricey, say, the lavendar margarita at Poste, I will immediately switch to house white or something cheaper so that they know I’m interested in the conversation, not the libation.

  16. Barzelay

    The problem with your test is that any girl who passes has already refused drinks from you. Trying to anonymize it by saying “a guy” doesn’t really change anything. They still know that the drinks are coming, directly or indirectly, from you. Perhaps it speaks to your charm that so many girls failed the test. But it surely won’t help you to get with the ones who pass.

  17. Jewcano

    You guys are missing the point. DCB said he’d say “a guy”, not himself, was offering the drink. Where’s said guy? Why isn’t he doing the asking? Is he just off taking a leak or is he shy/scared/a troll/a loon? DCB’s not implying the girl’s gladly accepting cheap booze, he’s saying she’s gladly accepting a clumsy pass from a totally anonymous party, which means the girl is desperately trolling for attention, and therefore scary. Note also the sub-genre of women (fake-tan blondes with expensive accessories) who, chances are, couldn’t keep a guy entertained for more than 10 minutes without involving fellatio anyway.

    While I appreciate DCB’s scientific approach, the problem is, you can’t hear shit in a bar (that’s worth a damn.) So the chick probably saw DCB and heard “blah blah blah buy you a drink” and either assumed he was hitting on her or she could hit on him while his friend paid. Also, it fails the girl that’s just bored and curious, who actually has a high chance of being sane. Luckily, this woman doesn’t exist.

    A good idea and clearly something that would benefit from further refinement. Good job, DCB R&D.

  18. karl pilkington

    “And when men offer to buy me another round and I?m already having something pricey, say, the lavendar margarita at Poste, I will immediately switch to house white or something cheaper so that they know I?m interested in the conversation, not the libation.”

    Do the Nobel Peace Prize people know about you? Your willingness to sacrifice is truly the epitome of all that is good with the human spirit. God bless you!

    p.s. Buying a girl you don’t know drinks is a chump move.

  19. Sweet

    I agree with Kassy totally on this. And no, this has nothing to do with my non-sex-life. Who should accept drinks from guys who refer to themselves in the third person? If I’m interested in you, I’ll talk to you without you buying me booze. I don’t use guys for free drinks, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?

  20. rebecca

    I have to admit, I’d totally accept free drinks. I’d think the guy was a little strange for referring to himself in the third person, but hey. I’m really broke. I would also ONLY accept a drink when I was a.sitting at the bar and the drink was handed to me by the bartender, or b. if the drink was delivered to me at a table by bar staff. Cheap does not equal stupid. Plus I hate rejecting people without giving them a chance.

  21. Twoste

    Dude, I tried it and now this girl says that I’m the father of her two Ecuadorean children.
    Thanks a lot.

  22. DC_Cookie

    Interesting. First time I met you in person at blog happy hour, I offered to buy YOU a drink and you accepted.

    You failed my test (but I bought you the screwdriver anyway because I liked your sexual innuendo t-shirt).

  23. Wendy

    my first reaction is wow you’re a jerk. My second is, I wouldn’t accept a drink from a strange guy.

    You are probably missing out on a couple nice girls because of a dumb test. Just say hello be nice and act like a human in a civilized society.

    sheesh.

  24. DCB Post author

    1. Yes there was a typo. should be “the bar” instead of “a bar”.

    2. Please everyone read jewcano’s response. He gets it.

    3. DCC: yeah but it was coming from YOU and not someone anonymous. we were chatting online for quite a while before!

  25. chicgirl

    well, if jewcano is on target, the bar is noisy and the girl thinks she may actually have a shot with a hottie like DCB. So, maybe these girls actually passed the test?

  26. Aja

    where is your documentary!!! You totally need one! Please, and take this shit abroad. DOn’t you have a video thing on your camera? film it and Utube the next experiment. Pronto!

  27. me

    I think this test is rediculous- what guy wouldn’t be somewhat intrigued if a girl came up to them and said “a Woman at the bar wants to buy you a drink.” Its not necessarily about the free drink, its more about being interested in seeing who this person is. I think my response would be, “Oh yeah, who is he?” or something like that. Also, be serious, who doesn’t like free stuff? Clearly all men and women do, that is why you see hordes of people surrounding the sample tables at CostCo no matter what they happen to be sampling. That is why some people have 10 credit cards- because they get suckered into signing up for one in order to get some lame t-shirt they will never wear.

  28. me

    Oh yeah, here’s another reason why your test sucks. I think that if you said this to a more varied cross-section of women, you would find that less-attractive women (or not the “blond, sorority type that you mentioned) would be more responsive than more attractive women. Attractive women are used to getting hit on and are jaded in a sense, so they may be somewhat skeptical about this. On the other hand, less attractive women get hit on less frequently, so they would be more excited about and more responsive.

  29. Lonnie Bruner

    DC Cookie,

    I hope you weren’t implying that DCB drinks screwdrivers. That’s the most beta drink out there—the true “white bread of cocktails”. The only man I know that drinks screwdrivers is my d-bag boss.

    So please retract your statement.

    LB

  30. Mary

    So would the test for women to give men be to go up to a guy, point out the hottest girl in the place, and tell him that the hot girl wants him to buy her a drink? And if he says okay– laugh in his face?

    Cool.

  31. exoticdoll

    I can’t even begin to comment on the level of shallowness this post exhibits. If a guy judges me because he offers to buy me a drink and I say yes, then HE is the who has to worry about what he looks like in my book, not the other way around.

  32. blondie

    Not such a great test. I was one of those blonde, designer-bag toting, tanned sorority girls. I would always accept drinks, watch to see from where it came (the bartender or the guy), and then tell the guy or bartender (from a distance) thanks, and never ever talk to the guy, no matter how he looks or acts. It’s a great way to get a free drink. I would never feel I owed anyone who bought me a drink more than a head nod of thanks. I figure they bought a drink for me because I’m so awesome. If they gave me grief, I would simply tell the bartender or an employee. It’s a little thing I call “being frugal.”

  33. Ling

    DCB:

    Interesting experiment, I guess, but who passed? What would be an example of a response that not only passed, but peaked your interest?

  34. Russell

    Brilliant. This is powerful. I never buy drinks for girls unless I already know them. In fact, I might try and field this test this weekend… This may sound harsh, but it’s really all about integrity. The key is that it’s a blind test. It weeds out girls that are are willing to take advantage of generous guys, especially if they accept gleefully! (I’d cut her some slack if she hesitated in light of the fact that it it was ME afterall who was approaching her.) 🙂 Practically speaking though, if the girls failed I’d probably let them go with their dignity. You know, look down at my wallet and say “Whoops, looks like I need to go to the ATM. Be right back!” 😉 If she passes… uhhhh, damn I hope I think of something quick!

  35. sary

    hi.. i have studied this kind of stuff.

    first off,

    I would go to say that offering a women you dont know a (free) drink is a chump/wimp move. If I do accept that, on which i have, i was perfectly aware that this particular male was trying to pay for my affections..

    it doesnt nessassarly mean the women isnt good enough to date. I knew, the male wouldnt be able to attract me since ..ebb, he was already showing wuss behavior before i even knew who the heck he was..

    this is a stupid test you created, sorry to say..

    but,
    if you want to test a women for relationship material its fine but im telling you go ahead and seperate them into your mind since majority will be labled a piece of ass so how can a man really test a women if he just wants to take her panties off, follow my drift..

    but you can sit around and pretend like you dont get horny and act like your a women, i guess.

    men cant really test women.
    they can screen them, but testing is ridiculous,

  36. sary

    ps:

    When you present these kind of things to women, they are just going to think your a jerk, offer her a drink then laugh in her face..

    if a guy did that to me i would just think he was some foul mouthed jack ass.. ntm, think he was a little loose screwed in the head.

    i test men..

    at all times.

    i give them chump tests, i screen them, i even read there body language..

    sorry but this sucks.

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