THE FINICKY CLIMAX

Sounds like a kicky little Miramax movie, doesn’t it? It’s not. The finicky climax is the bane of womankind’s existence.

Any woman who tells you they climax every time they have sex is lying. If you are one of these women who makes such an outrageous claim, then please bottle your mojo, sell it, and put it on a shelf, because I want some of that.

I only experience a success rate of about 50 percent. Now, before you go spouting off your machismo about what you could do to me, or how I’ve never been with a real man, or how I just need to relax, or some other such BS, I will give you a pre-emptive HA! YEAH RIGHT!

Just like every meal I eat is not going to be INCREDIBLY AWESOME, every sexing I have is not going to produce the best result. Men, I’m telling you, if your woman isn’t getting off every time, unless there appears to be a significant hang-up, just let it go. It should come as no surprise to you that women and men have different needs, and often a woman can enjoy having sex without climaxing. So quit hassling them about it!

I’ve had one guy accuse me of having some sort of sexual dysfunction because I couldn’t come with him. The reason I couldn’t come with him was because he was very small, but that’s beside the point. He put so much pressure on me to climax, probably to fulfill his own hyper-inflated ego, that it completely turned me off and I thought he was a total weirdo. Additionally, there’s been the problem of coitus interruptus where I’ve had to “have a talk” about why I hadn’t climaxed the previous few times. Well, I don’t fucking know, and I was really enjoying myself before we stopped, so thanks a lot for annoying the hell out of me. If I say that I can’t come every time, then that means please accept it as fact and deal with it. Nothing is going to change the situation (which I am perfectly comfortable with) so if it’s that much of a problem for you, then you can, well, go fuck yourself!

29 thoughts on “THE FINICKY CLIMAX

  1. KassyK

    Fantastic post. Very true. Also many women cannot orgasm at all from just sex. I feel LUCKY that I can…and its never every time. But most women climax most easily from oral sex…which I personally do not. See men– we are all different and are turned on by different things. I’ve had amazing sex where I didn’t orgasm. Let it go…

  2. Days of Broken Arrows

    You’re obviosuly not up on the newest trends. Food has replaced sex as the preoccupation of the American male. That’s because sex is easier to get these days. I can just log into Yahoo Messenger whereas I have to get in the car and drive to Wendy’s and spend money. Google Susie Bright and check out her new essay on this. If you really wanna excite male readers, talk about grilling skills not bedroom skills.

  3. Lou P.

    Interesting choice of finicky to describe it. By definition, it’s “Insisting capriciously on getting just what one wants; difficult to please.” Hmmm.

  4. virglekent

    Hold up, girl?s orgasm?

    This is why I?m glad it?s all about me during sex. I cum every time, oh you didn?t, well sorry for your luck, here?s some cab money, there?s the door?. Holla

    But I?d really hate to be the guy who couldn?t get a girl to climax because of the size of my junks. Oh god, I must face the facts?.. I?m small? Well Sally you could have just told me instead of putting me on blast!

  5. Anonymous

    Obviously it’s not well-known or she wouldn’t have had to write about it. Small Wonder apparently didn’t get the message.

  6. Wendy

    consistant orgasms come more easily with a consistant partner.

    But, yes I hate the did you cum, did you cum, did you cum…just say yes and shut him up.

    If I don’t, I just say hey it’s okay, you’ll make it up to me later. That puts even more unnecessary pressure on him!

  7. DC Rookie

    I’ve been with my husband for 5 years and I can count on my hands the number of times I didn’t cum when we were having sex. It takes me a long time to get off with oral, but I cum consistently when we are having intercourse. Shit, why do you think I married him?

  8. Anonymous

    How can a guy actually ask the question “Did you come?” Seriously. If he’s inside me and I come, he gets propelled to the other side of the room. If you have to ask, the answer is a firm, no.

    And this: “often a woman can enjoy having sex without climaxing” – so true.

  9. rebecca

    I don’t really like simultaneous orgasms. Because occasionally he finishes before me and then I’m right on the edge and frustrated as anything. And the “did you come?” question has got to be one of the least sexy, most annoying questions ever. It’s right up there with “are you ready?” If you have to ask, then just make sure!

  10. Lonnie Bruner

    Rebecca,

    Listen to yourself: “I don?t really like simultaneous orgasms. Because occasionally he finishes before me and then I?m right on the edge and frustrated as anything.”

    If he finishes before you, it’s not simultaneous, genuis.

  11. Jane A

    What’s with the male hostility? I guess this is one of those delicate male ego issues :whatever: None of you angry men have ever asked/wondered whether you girl has climaxed? Jeez.

    If I’m with a guy for a hook up, I probably won’t climax but could have a good time if he’s a good, considerate lover. If I’m in love with the guy and he’s good, I’ll climax when he climaxes, that’s what pushes me over the edge.

  12. Wendy

    you can cum at the same time and he CAN finish before you. Not all climaxes are the same. And, being multi-orgasmic, he will ALWAYS finish before me. Genius.

  13. Anonymous

    My girlfriend has an orgasm almost every time from intercourse. And I can tell because that vagina feels like it’s doing kegels exercises on my dick. Very rarely she doesn’t come, and she’s honest about it. I guess we are just lucky. No other girl I’ve been with, about 10, has had frequent orgasms. Well, unless I’ve gone down on them after.

  14. DCB

    I agree with the crowd sentiment on asking “did you come”. While I would ask in a more lighthearted way, I no longer bother. You get more telling and useful information when you ask indirect questions such as “what felt the best”.

    Yes, if the girl is screaming then you should know, but many girls are not as obvious.

  15. Jewcano

    Some girls come every time, some never, some over and over. The worst ones are the fakers; if the guy can’t tell you’re faking, ladies, he’s certainly not paying any attention to you anyway. The success rate can be vastly improved with effective foreplay. Also, in my experience, the girls that were rowdy came every time, the ones that just laid there didn’t get much out of it, and ruined my fun too. So if you’re not getting off, try being rowdier. It takes two to tango, after all.

  16. Chico

    Men consistantly orgasm because we work at it. Ladies if you want to come consitantly put a little skin in the game! You can’t lay back and expect your partner to do all the work…that’s just selfish/no fun!

  17. rebecca

    LB: I realize that if he finishes first, we are not having simultaneous orgasms. However, even if he doesn’t and we do, I’m still thinking about it right before. And thinking “please don’t come yet, please don’t come yet” doesn’t add much to my experience.

    And if you’re going to be sarcastic and mock my intelligence, you might want to make sure you’re spelling things correctly. Just a tip.

  18. John Johnson

    It’s so nice to be single. All of this discussion is a non-issue. Like my fellow poster stated, “here’s some cab money, and there’s the door.” And “no, you can’t spend the night because Amy, your best friend, is coming later.” The next topic should be why women enjoy being treated like crap. It is so they can feel sorry for themselves and tell sob stories to their friends? I’ve been blatantly rude and disrespectful to women, in hopes that they wouldn’t call me again…and they do. But when I actually attempt to be a gentleman, they don’t come back. This is the question that’ll cloud my head for a life time.

  19. Regina

    Is there any ladies out there that cannot reach an orgasm without mechanical assistance? If this is the case, then gentlemen, don’t take offense, just enjoy it and give her a hand. It is extremely a turn on and takes the pressure off your fear of not climaxing and his irritating question “Did you get off?” It also takes the pressure off of you guys. It’s obvious. Like Anonymous said it feels like she’s doing internal kegels.

  20. ME

    I feel ya, I feel ya HARD!! I’ve been with mine 5 years AND we have kids and I was only able to clitorally (NOT vaginally ‘cuz I can’t orgasm like that) orgasm with ONE guy and it’s not my Hubs..it’s been bothering me more than usual, lately..LOVE your blog, btw..

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