THE IPOD

I fit the exact profile the iPod is targeted to: 20-something hipster doofus with a standard job who goes to the gym, rides mass transit, and has gigabytes of pirated music that hasn’t been listened to in years (unlike the massive porn collection which gets daily action). At the gym my naked ears have to listen to Leonard the meathead grunt out his last set while iPodders listening to the Best of Milli Vanilli are oblivious to his homo-erotic mating calls.

The thing that gets me wanting an iPod is the news articles that quote people as saying their iPod is their most prized possession. All these people who proclaim that there is nothing else in the world more important than a glorified walkman – whose cost can feed an African family of four for a year – make me want to join the “Think Different” club long enough until my Che Guevara instinct of being rebellious, anti-establishment, and wanting to torture people kicks in. If I do get an iPod, and accept that my life is cookie-cutter enough to succumb to the latest marketing trend for my age-group, remind me that I have been defeated by corporate America. Yes, it’s that serious.

31 thoughts on “THE IPOD

  1. Sherwin

    iPod.. what a joke. It’s a freaking MP3 player. Few years ago these sheep didn’t even know what an mp3 was. “My most prized posession”… right. If your most prized posession is a hard drive wrapped with plastic and a USB connector, then you should probably go ahead and cease to exist.

  2. C

    It’s just easy. If something easier came along, then it would be more popular. Who really gives a shit?

  3. Sager

    Who gives a damn about marketing. It’s actually a nice thing to own. Is it my most prized posession? Hell no. But every now and again there’s something

  4. Marc

    I think the iPod is a great device as far as MP3 players go.

    If you’re a big music lover and want to listen to your music everywhere you go, then it’s a really nice gadget to have.

    I can listen to any one of my albums that I own, have purchased on iTunes, or…”borrowed” from “friends”.

    In my car, at my desk at work, at the gym. Anywhere.

    My most prized possesion? Hardly. A really great piece of gadetry? For sure.

  5. LaLa

    I heart you today, DCB. Not only am I chuckling over this iPod post, but the CPMC blog war is just icing to get me through this work week.

    It’s like watching the most recent Superbowl: don’t like either team all that much, don’t care who “wins,” just happy that someone is going to get clobbered. 🙂

  6. bettyjoan

    I have an iPod knockoff (go Dell!), but it’s really a cool little gadget. Probably not my prized possession–that honor goes to my kitty cat–but it IS really fun to put it on random and go from Green Day to Mozart to Indigo Girls to Denis Leary to Johnny Cash…

  7. Matt

    Buy a fucking mp3 player you jackass, it doesnt have to be an ipod, but if it is who cares. Yes it is marketed at you, as was a cassette walkman, and a cd version after that. It is a portable music player, if there is one thing that is a permissible sellout it is this, more so than those cheesy clubs you frequent, that also market to you, and all of the clothes you wear, and starbucks, and the computer on which you type this blog, and everything else you purchase. The only way not to be a sellout is to head to the woods and give it all up, which very few of us will actually do. Point being, you are a sellout anyway, why deprive yourself of something that is actually useful.

  8. Liz

    I like my iPod, digicam, cellphone, computer, and all the other electronic crap I have.

    I’d also like to take this moment to say hippies suck. Except for psytrance hippies. I love them.

  9. inSOMnia

    Matt has it down. BUY A FREAKING MP3 player you can get a 1gig on ebay for like 59 bucks not to mention its smaller

  10. Chase

    I cannot condone the use of ipods because of my place of employment. However, the XM2Go Delphi XM MyFi, is great as well for all the aformentioned uses. You can even store up to 5 hours of music(no downloading), it will alert you if your favorite artist or song is playing while you are listening to a different channel. it has a rechargeable battery, and built in wireless FM transmitter. I have one and I love it. (can you tell where I work? ha ha)

  11. H

    As someone who suffered from SERIOUS iPod envy before finally breaking down and purchasing one, I can tell you that if it is really an iPod you want, a normal run of the mill mp3 player wont cut it. The iPod is fantastic because its easy, tiny, and shuts up when you want it to (like the women you like DCB :P). I made a mistake and went for the mini so before purchasing one do your research and find the one thats best for you. It’s not my prized posession, but I do use it nearly everyday – I got my money out of the damn thing.

  12. Brian

    You live in DC – consider yourself already defeated by corporate America.

    Forget the iPod, my penis is my most prized possession.

  13. Aja

    Thank POD!!!! Or the WALKMAN or CD PLAYER. Whatever mobile devices handy for drowning out the noise of loud phone guy and unbelievably loud crying baby on the METRO. Not my prized possession either; it’s my porn collection that gets me through.

  14. Ned

    you can have an ipod if you want, just don’t go everywhere with that shit playing. See what’s outside your own little world.

  15. M

    I went through my own ridiculous pseudo-existential crisis over an iPod. The deal was sealed when a “friend” lambasted me for being thoughtful about it. No iPod for me.

  16. Reid

    Zzzzz…I’m so bored with the people who pat themselves on the back for not buying an iPod and categorizing all the people who have them as sheep who have been suckered into getting iPods for no good reason.

    You’re right: it’s a glorified Walkman. The Walkman was a fantastic invention, so beefing it up is a great thing. Before the iPod came along, mp3 players weren’t worth getting. I had looked at tons of models, only to find that they had such small storage space that I’d rather stick with my minidisc player, which was enough of a pain in that, if you put mp3s on it, it would use a “check out” system that meant you couldn’t play them off of your computer if they were on a minidisc.

    So I got an iPod, and the space, the design, the functionality, the extra features and the iTunes software which allows you fantastic control over automatic updating made it by far and away the best thing I’ve ever bought. In one tiny, easy-to-use case, I have all the music I’d want to listen to. Simply put, I bought one for the same reason that everyone else bought one: because it’s a great product; not just because all my friends had one.

    But mostly: it’s not in any way impressive to criticize iPods as some sort of sellout. You don’t want one? I’m as fine with that as someone who decides they don’t want a TV or a computer. But it’s nothing to congratulate yourself about.

  17. Andy

    I have a 20gb iPod. While it’s certainly not my “most prized” posession, it certainly has changed my life. I go through approximately 10gb of music every month, and I would never have time to sort through whats crap and whats good if I couldn’t take it with me.

    I think it’s simply life changing because it allows you to have a good deal of your music with you at all times, and is reusable, unlike an mp3 or audio CD.

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