There are three different times a guy thinks about an individual girl. Each tells a lot about how he feels about her.

1. When he’s not horny. He really cares about her and enjoys her company. If she’s not already his girlfriend, he probably has the intention of making her one in the near future. She has many qualities that he admires and he would hang out with her even if sex wasn’t going to occur. This happens 1% of the time.

2. When he’s horny. If he’s just thinking about her when he’s horny, this means he will only hang out with her if the sex is guaranteed to occur. If sex doesn’t occur, he understands that his time has been completely wasted. He cares about very little, and would not consider making her a girlfriend. This happens 29% of the time.

3. While he’s masturbating. He thinks of her as a receptacle, and nothing more. Her apparent lack of the many qualities he desires makes her fit for his sexual gratification only. After masturbating is complete, the man criticizes himself for even thinking of her. This happens 70% of the time.

Only amateur men telephone girls that fit category three.

11 thoughts on “THINKING OF YOU

  1. holiday

    I love how you always break it down for the ladies. Although my male friends seem to think that the only reason to hang out with a woman is the prospect of getting laid.

  2. Kathryn

    So, from this, I can assume you’ll be getting phone numbers tonight and letting those women determine where they fall in your “thinking of you” hierarchy?

  3. DCB Post author

    I go to happy hours for my fans, not for women. Besides, I’ve already tapped out the hotness that the dc blogging community has to offer.

  4. Jesus Christ

    I will make all the liquour turn into blood inside the stomachs of non-believers. Hell has fury!!! Burn like marshmallows bitches.

  5. jessa j

    ok first of all you know i hate lumpers, and thats what this is – a gad damn lump.

    2nd of all i was a little dissapointed with this post because i was anticipating alot more witty yet poignant reflections on the inner workings of your mind.

    you needed to back up your case with better examples such as:

    “i think about jessa in the shower and that means i want to cleanse myself of a meaningless bachelor life and start anew with her.”

    or “i think about jessa when i’m eating beef wellington because it reminds me of all the dinners i would like her to cook for me.”

    or perhaps “if i think about jessa when i’m spooning my pillow at night that means i want to spend the rest of my life inhaling her exhale.”

    or “i think about jessa when i’m at work which translates to ‘jessa is the only girl in the world who stimulates me mentally.'”

    or “i think about jessa when i’m masturbating because shes a cum dumpster.”

    this happens 100% of the time.

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