I’ve been having a hard time adjusting since my return because of the ugliness that is the United States.
Venezuela: Miss Universe
United States: Cranes to lift fat people out of their homes.
Plus, I’ve been wronged twice since I’ve been back:
1. As a frequent visitor to Dragonfly, I’m often able to go straight upstairs to the pseudo-exclusive area (not really much of an accomplishment). But on Friday night, my friend and I were refused entry by a bouncer that definitely knows me. His explanation was that I needed more girls. The point of going to a particular bar many times is so you don’t get treated like some average shlub. This was major disrespect. I am boycotting Dragonfly for at least one year.
2. I went to Taco Bell yesterday to enjoy a Grilled Stuft Burrito, when I noticed hours later that the food hadn’t moved from my stomach. Twelve hours later and I’m puking my guts out. I learned the hard way that when you have long hair, you must pull your hair back or you will get puke in it. I don’t know what is worse, puke in hair, or having puke in your nose so you can savor the smell for many hours later. I am boycotting Taco Bell for eternity. Once my insides stop trying to violently escape my body, I will have some good stuff to start the year. Now excuse me while I go make love to my toilet.