TOP TEN WAYS TO SPOT A POSEUR

10. Look for the person in the room that is constantly checking their hair and makeup in the mirror when they think nobody’s watching ? because if the “look” is failing them, they sure won’t make up for their lack of funds with personality.

9. They wear Prada, get weekly pedicures and carry a Gucci ? but, if you checked their pay stub you’d see they’re only pulling in $38K/year. Image is everything, darlings.

8. The poseur is the one that goes to the bathroom at just the right time ? when the check is about to arrive.

7. People that want to be cool actually have their own “look.” Think Zoolander’s ‘Blue Steel’ pose. They have nothing better to do then practice sucking in their cheeks, pursing their mouths and staring vacantly. And they’ll quickly whip out that poseur pose quicker than you can “Say cheese!”

6. If s/he has a vehicle, the poseur will most likely have personalized plates. Why? Because they think it makes them look important. They also think people will admire the fact that they paid 10 extra bucks to get a piece of metal that features their favorite cool word ? misspelled.

5. These are the people that are always forgetting their purses and wallets.

4. The social-climbing poseur makes it a point to sign on with a local “talent” agency so that s/he can get a glorified wait-staff job at some ostentatiously stylish event. Then, when someone asks what they do, they can say “I’m a model.”

3. They are good at pretending they’re smart. They act the way they think smart people act (but you can see their clumsiness if you watch closely). They give a false appearance that they understand what you are saying, but, when it comes right down to it, they’re as dumb as door knobs. (Funny thing, how a tailored shirt and a pair of high-end glasses can make someone look smart ? from a distance.)

2. They can get into all the hot nightclubs and events ? not because they have money, and not because they received an invitation. They get into the hotspots (and get free drinks) because the bouncers are former co-workers, and the people behind the bar are former lovers. The poseurs have the appearance of knowing everyone and being VIPs because their last full-time job most likely involved checking coats, handing people towels in the restroom or bartending.

1. And, the number one way to spot a poseur? They might be driven a hot Beamer, but that’s because they don’t pay rent, baybee! Approximately 62% of poseurs are closing in on 30 (or 40 in some cases) and they *still* live at home.

36 thoughts on “TOP TEN WAYS TO SPOT A POSEUR

  1. Whatever

    The worst posers are at Local 16. I used to like that bar until it was over-run with daddy’s little rich girls and stripey shirt boys.

  2. Windy

    Seems like “Miss Metropolis” has had intimate experiences with the so-called “poseur” described above …

  3. Jesus Christ

    DCB, your observation is so on point. Alot of earthlings fit that profile. They don’t understand true wealth or net worth. Thats why all these bankruptcies are appearing and everybody and their mother is getting foreclosed on.

  4. zippy

    Nice argument DCB. The real culprit is that people aren’t educated on the subject of wealth. I have never had a discussion about wealth with anybody other than the books I read. People are confused and don’t understand true wealth or what rich people really look like. That instead of asking what kind of car they drive, they should be asking what that persons net worth is. This also shows the bad job that parents have done in regards to educating there children about money.

    But heres another characteristic of a poser: If you never hear them talk about money or how money is made. Total poser

  5. MissMetropolis

    Yes, Windy. I know one such “Blue Steel” posing poser very well. Sometimes, they’re difficult to spot from a distance, but I did know one up close and personal.

    My next article for DCB: ALMOST FAMOUS: POSEURS EXPOSED FOR WHAT THEY ARE

    😉

    The Plastics also deserve 15 minutes in the spotlight. More than 15 … and I hear they melt!

  6. MissMetropolis

    Matt: I LOVE IT! Too funny!

    … Look hard enough and you can spot them, you know, unnaturally dark tan in the dead of winter, supplement induced muscle growth, aerodynamic haircuts, BMW. …

    Rock it!

  7. LOL

    I know female poseurs, too. They are not all male. Lots of girls go broke to look rich.

    Louis Vuitton bags, but they work part-time. Wearing Jimmy Choo shoes as they grocery shop for ramen. 😀

  8. MissMetropolis

    11. When poseurs begin to feel like others have seen through their poser ways, they turn into spinsters. No, not wrinkled old women with cats. We’re talking Chanel-clad, zero-dollar carrying, emergency-PR swinging spiders that crawl social circles, spinning a thick web of lies. This, the poser hopes, will stop the truth in its tracks.

  9. Caroline

    Wow Kelly, you’re the only person I know that can write her autobiography in 5 minutes & 10 bullet points. Yet another underwhelming feat.

  10. Anonymous

    True posers are girls (or boys) that mooch off their boyfriend, call themselves socialites, take themselves way too seriously, have nervous breakdowns, and bash others when they are just as guilty of being jobless for ..oh..9 or so months…without doing anything remotely interesting besides nursing their nervous breakdown from being a fallen starlet.

  11. Used to Wait Tables in College

    Ms. Metropolis: Perhaps you would benefit from serving others at Chi Chis instead of being a self-absorbed self-server. It might humble you to work “as a bouncer…or behind the bar”. It’s great to point fingers when you want to feel better, but why don’t you try carrying a few plates instead of preaching insulting comments about people who don’t mind working for a living-whether it be picking up garbage (like you from the streets), or gasp– pouring your drinks – which I doubt you ever pay for yourself b/c you go in and out of employment like boyfriends.

  12. The Doctor

    Miss Metropolis,

    Perhaps you should focus your attention less on the contents of a man’s wallet and more on the content of his character. Your unseemly carping tellingly tears you down more so than it does the target of your bitter diatribe. You’ve certainly revealed more unflattering aspects of yourself than you’ve done to anyone else. I prescribe a triple shot of self-actualization followed by a chaser of depth. Someday, you will get life and possibly smile the first genuine smile that’s ever crossed your face.

    The Doctor

  13. Anonymous

    I agree with the above comments. This girl obviously has no class. She can’t keep a job, relies on men to pay for her and couldn’t even keep it together enough to graduate from college at the esteemed West Virginia University. She is only as good as the next sugar daddy that she clings too. And why does she act like she is some kind of DC celebrity? I have been around this city and hung out everywhere and my friends and I have never even heard of her. Small fish in a midsize town…

  14. Friend of Luke's and the A Train

    Wow, pretty harsh and pretty stupid. So what if someone knows someone knows someone knows someone (you get the point) through work, working, or friend of a friend. It’s called a connection. Are you going to call every Hollywood movie star, for example, less than an actor because he happened to, say, hang up coats at a bar and met his casting agent that way? You going to call the CEO of a company a poser because they at once worked in the mailroom and the boss like them so much he got promoted?

    You going to call the guy who drives a nice car a poser because he got a discount on his, say, Mercedes, for being a previous employee? You know what, REAL people don’t worry about what others think. Yeah, some of us like nice things (I know I like my designer mink lined purse) but I do it for me, not to impress YOU or the likes of you. You really need to look beyond someone’s status and/or wallet and search for depth of character in others AND yourself. Obviously, you’re left feeling empty inside because nothing can fill your big fat vapid hold.

    Some might say you’re akin to a five pound bag of manure but even shit has a purpose. (Also, do you even weigh five pounds)?

    So with that said, Clarice, I’m sure even Lechter can smell your bullshit a mile away and would probably have to drink ten bottles of Chianti to stomach the taste of your cold, cold heart.

    Analyze this: Miss Metropolis hates where they come from and detests anything that reminds her of her white trash upbringing.

    One last word: I CAN afford all of my designer clothes and it’s all paid for. So eat your heart out, BITCHES!

  15. DCB

    Looks like MM hit some poseur buttons :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Funny how some of you are posting twice to make it look like different people :laugh:

  16. Used to Wait Tables in College

    Hey DCB-
    I appreciate your loyalty to your writers and friends, however, I don’t think you can call us all posers. I for one am definitely not a poser nor does any of the bullet points apply to my life. However, I do find offense when a certain ghost writer of yours gets cheap thrills by putting people down when she has lived that poser life and tried to make a profit out of it- either through advertisement– or through attempting to get into Black Ties b/c she was new in town.

    Anyway, I would expect as the keeper of this blog, you could at take an impartial view to blatantly degrading comments about the service industry – or “only making $38K” a year when this “writer” is one of the poorest of the poor. Glad she finally found a job– but I would put money on the fact that her last year’s W2’s would qualify her for welfare.

  17. DCB

    Why should i take an impartial view when I 100% AGREE with everything she said? If you got mad at this post, you are poseur and deserve to made fun of. I probably have seen you around and thought to myself how hard you try to be cool.

    Shouldn’t you be picking out some expensive clothes and planning your exciting weekend at the club? Bottle service!!!!

    And by the way, as a bartender I know exactly how it is to serve people, and that doesnt change anything she has written.

  18. Used to Wait Tables in College

    I seriously doubt we hang out at the same places, but anyway, glad to know that you support your writers. There is something to be said about loyalty – however – hypocrites make the world go round– I’m not saying there aren’t opportunist in this town– but it’s shear entertainment when the pot is calling the kettle black.

  19. Anonymous

    Kelly Ann made less than a Metro bus driver last year… Now that’s ironic…

    BTW – She didn’t really work for USA Today. Most of her credentials are completely fabricated.

  20. Caroline

    What?!? Most of her credentials are fabricated?!? You mean, like everything else about her? Wow, shocking!

  21. Anonymous

    Miss Metropolis:
    I’m so sorry you got dumped in such a terrible way that you have to write under a pen name and post your dirty laundry on this blog and your Friendster photos. It really hurts when he doesn’t return your frantic text messages, but didn’t anyone ever teach you take the high road and keep your private life…well..private. You’re sounding more and more bitter as the days wear on. At 31, haven’t you learned any life lessons besides being evicted twice, screwing over friends, and lying about graduating college.

    I realize that you must have a chip on your shoulder growing up the way you did — taking care of all your impoverished siblings– and faking it until you make it to the last page of a free paper distributed on the Metro. However, show some class and zip up more.

    You seem like you might have some hope even if you’re pushing into your 30s and you remain unloved except by those who want to sleep with you.

    Show the world that even a farm girl from W.Va with no class to speak of– can learn by observation– whether it be reading Ms. Manners–or hanging out at Junior League events and imitating older women.

    It’s good to know that you have a very loyal and dedicated friend like DCB– who will stand by your side and turn the other way as you do tricks on the side.

    Shoosh about your break up. It always hurts to get dumped- but it becomes glaringly obvious when you post things under pen names and write little snippy comments to anyone who will hear your battle cry.

  22. Anonymous

    Oh poor thing. She has lost her hot/sexy ex boyfriend. Now all she has is this site to post pathetic blogs about how she?s feeling. How depressing. But how fabulous is the fact that Luke is back on the market!? There is a God 😉

  23. Booz

    I did not have time to read all the comments, but it sounds as if some of you have been fed misinformation. You have it wrong. Ask what her ex did August 7th. Ask why she had to leave town. Ask about her spine and head injuries. Find out why she left and why she is still in physical therapy for what that pill-popping alcoholic poser did. He is spinning lies to cover up what he has done.

  24. Anon

    Ok, you know, I don’t really give a shit about who any of you are in real life and while it can be mild “no brain cells need apply” entertainment to have a clearly disturbed catty girl go off on other people – it’s not funny to accuse people of doing serious shit – like physical abuse. Having had been the victim of physical abuse (on the convicted, felony level), I absolutely despise every girl out there who makes-up stories just to get attention- because they discredit us – the ones who truly suffer. And, yes, it is pathetic, but they are out there. I would hope this isn’t one of them. As I spoke out and got a conviction – I absolutely implore ALL WOMEN who have ACTUALLY endured abuse to do the same. So, Kelly – please answer Booz’s questions. If it happened to you then you should speak out. IF NOT, then you should clear your name and his.

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