There are two brains in a woman. The first brain is called “Rational thoughts,” which is in control about 40% of the time. Then you have the “Oh my god I like this guy and I’m freaking out because he hasn’t called me after I left him a message five minutes ago” brain. The rational brain shows up at work, family functions, and reading time at Starbucks. But when a guy enters the picture, or there is stress (in the form of intense gossip or traffic), the crazy brain takes over and the woman is completely incapable of reasonable thinking, requiring a support circle of 50 females to help guide her through the latest crisis.

1. Girls are sensitive. Jokingly call a girl a bitch and watch what happens. Jokingly call a guy an asshole and you probably end up taking vodka shots with him.

2. Girls are emotional. Tears… that never end… ever.

3. Girls read between the lines. What a guy says doesn’t have anything to do with what he said, but what he was thinking when he said it and his intent in saying it.

There is a male version of the woman, and he is called the “I just have to get it out” guy. When he likes a girl, he MUST tell her how he feels – right away. He knows he shouldn’t tell her, but it would just make him feel so good if he gets it out and let’s her know his true feelings. Women are similar in this respect; they have to do things in order to make them feel good in the now, instead of following a plan to achieve some certain outcome or goal.

Women: Behavior determined by trying to achieve the ongoing state of feeling good (or in the case of past abuse, feeling bad).

Men: Behavior determined by specific goals (usually empty and hollow) that can all be traced to the desire for sex.

This is why alcohol is required in the pairing of these two very unique species.

32 thoughts on “TWO BRAINS

  1. C

    If women want to do things to make them feel good in the now, as you put it, then why don’t they want to have sex right away with a guy they like. To me, that seems like it would make them feel good in the now, physically at least.

  2. Anonymous

    thats easy C. women don’t want to look like sluts immediately. It’s generally ok for guys because the social standards are different. Duh.

  3. Aja

    DCB:Also, what about mixed signals, guys give tons of those? The “I am feeling you, I like this, then doesn’t call or behaves differently (the pull-back)for about a week, then jumps back into I am feeling you mode”? Rational girl will deal, ok, this isn’t an exclusive deal, he’ll come around and we’ll get down again. Crazy girl will read b/w his lines, her lines and everything else in b/w, but is that our fault if our actions are consistent week to week (no drama, good times) and suddenly you (man)pulls the reigns without communicating? I think men are incredibly moodier than women and women are more openly emotional emotional. Clearly I am having some current experience here, let me keep that real.

  4. C

    AJA, you definately need to read/listen to Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. They describe the scenario you mention in detail. They relate it to a rubberband. The man will come snapping back only to pull away again.

  5. That Girl

    Too Funny!!! You definitely are’t wrong. Most women hate the second brain, especially women that are successful in all other parts of their lives, but relationships!!! (not that i am speaking from experience, or anything) 🙂

  6. DCB Post author

    Hey SethJ, thanks for visiting my site and commenting. Oh, did you ever find a motorcycle to go with your motorcycle jacket? If you need help let me know. It’s funny because some guys just buy the jacket in a desperate attempt to get laid.

  7. CrazyGirl

    Wow I actually agree with your thought of the day for once DCB.

    I was actually talking about the rational me vs the emotional me yesterday in a very long blog post (because you know…….I’m a girl and can’t just say what I want to in a few short sentences. It needs to be a long, drawn out, between the lines kind of post). I have a love/hate relationship with my emotional side for the most part.

  8. Chaco

    This is funny. I was reading thinking that DCB wasn’t being fair to girls and they were going to rip him apart. But no, the girls’ comments are like, “Yep, that’s me.”

  9. The Senator

    Seth come over to my house for some milk and cookies . I will make sure there will be a roofie in it. If you but is sore when you wake up the next day its just from my……pet worm.

  10. Sudamericana

    Chaco, ?Yep, that?s me.?

    Every time my crazy brain takes the lead and ruins it, I tell myself, I’ll be more strategic next time, I’ll stick to specific empty and hollow goals (sex), and I won’t make the same mistake. So far, this determination has not worked and my cool brain doesn’t rule for too long. In fact, it has happened again very recently but now I am definitely sure NEXT TIME my first brain will be stronger 🙂

    I disagree with DCB’s thought about alcohol, though. Sometimes it aggravates irrationality in a girl…not in the sense he would like it to.

  11. yo

    It is nota pull back, you are just in the rotation of girls he is trying to bang and he is tending to the others….

  12. DCB Post author

    Aja: we only send mixed signals when we aren’t sure if we just want to bang you, or if we want to go out with you for a while.

  13. Aja

    OIC, dang then why in da hell didn’t he just say so, fuck, but you know, it’s like women act like they don’t do they same thing. I mean we could be hooking up with several guys but just not be some damn shady about it, whereas guys are just like o shit, let hit her up this week, layback hit the other broad that week, throw in some crazy shit like I am getting scared and blaze this and that. That is ridiculous. Thanks for the answers, but rational girl is back and besides it is Friday with room on my roster!!! Till then everyone should dance!!


  14. chicbutnotshady

    so – if a guy really likes a girl – he will never send mixed signals? ever? is that what i should interpret from this.
    i think there needs to be a follow-up. i am sure there is a weakness in the male persona that men are all aware of….
    this kind of reminds me of the same venue of thinking as that guy david who sells the cocky and funny stuff and being inconsistent as a way to really have girls be attracted to you –

  15. DCB Post author

    chic: for girls, mixed signals translates roughly to “periods of real disinterest”.

    but for us, mixed signals is more of the push/pull, c&f stuff

  16. mirabella

    the simpliest way for men to deal with the complexities of a woman’s idiocyncratic ways would be to bann the entire demographic into the “crazy” boat. i suspect that the men that do think this way are a very lonely bunch indeed.

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