For years I had a clean-shaven face and short hair greased with pomade. I did fine with that look but my generic appearance attracted generic girls: the vanilla white girl who graduated from a four year university to push papers in a cubicle. I got bored with them, and they probably got bored with me.

When I grew my hair out, I noticed that I would attract a different type of girl. The quantity didn’t change, but now I was spending time with art snobs, hippies, international girls, and emotional crazies. They are the type that tend to eat foods I can’t pronounce and hate either capitalism or American foreign policy. Conversation flows a little better now.

Looking like you just came out of the woods works because not every girl likes clean-shaven guys with short hair. Some girls like medium length hair, and some like long hair. The farther your look is from the mainstream, the less girls there will be to like it, but the ones that do like your look will like it with passion. And passion is important when it comes to sex.

Therefore, I’ve decided to lock up the bear-hunter look with long hair and a dangerous beard. If a girl likes this look then she doesn’t have a whole lot of options in the area: at my height there are only five guys in DC that look like bear-hunters but none of them have any game. So really I’m the only option. That means easy sex for me without ever having to wear a buttoned shirt with blue horizontal stripes.

I’m going to go buy a few boxes of condoms now to prepare for the winter.

43 thoughts on “UNIQUE LOOK

  1. Virgle Kent

    Yo son, I think you?re half assin it. To truly complete your look you should also get some of that deer pee spray hunters spray on themselves to hide their human scent. Look you know my cologne game is tighter than your grandmother?s anus. Trust me if they love the wood smell, their panties will get wet for the ?I just got peed on by a deer? smell.

    Get em boy!

  2. SuburbGirl

    Thank God my BF shaves. He actually shaves his entire head and I find it incredibly sexy. I think the men that go for the unkempt look seem… greasy? dirty? smelly? And what “type” of girl goes for that? You may want to rethink this, but good luck to you.

    Side note: just found your blog and loving it!

  3. DCVita

    I think most women in general tend to go for guys that have thier own sense of syle. Not necessarily about the face, but more about originiality. Who would notice a guy that looks like every other guy? I mean do most guys own stock at Banana Republic or what?!

  4. sean

    Enjoy the patchouli wearing skanks with hairy armpits. The hairy legs and self-righteousness will just be a bonus.

  5. KassyK

    I have always loved long hair( not scary long) and facial scruff but there is something also to be said for a shaved head and sexy jeans.
    Metrosexual though will never work for me personally…Ick.

  6. Jewcano

    I’m more targeting the girls who like guys with long, curly sideburns. Only problem is, I never seem to see them out on Friday nights.

  7. Zelda P.

    Anything that’s not popped collars, khakis, striped shirts, Abercrombie or, on the other end of the specturm, overly metrosexual (like, why are you wearing Diesels AND a Marc Jacobs Jacket AND an Etro shirt, you label whore?) is fine with me.

  8. Laura

    This is bullshit. You of all people should know that first and second and third impressions of people don’t mean anything. i could so easy let my hair dredlock and walk around protesting with a “fuck bush” sign, but it wouldn’t make me any more or less interesting. i went to a death metal concert the other night with thick black eyeliner, a skull necklace, and guns painted on my shirt, and the guys that hit on me had no more to say than any other club rat or popped-collar frat boy, they were just a little more angry at nothing. People choose how to present themselves based on experience and environment, and I find that when you scrape past all the bullshit, the only thing that matters is whether they have intelligence, a good sense of humor, an open mind, and are willing to reveal details about themselves that make them different and interesting despite their cookie-cutter appearance, or punk appearance, or whatever. Spend more than 3 dates and a fuck getting to know someone and they’ll surprise you, for better or worse, at least a third of the time.

  9. Vanessa

    As a girl who has a likes long haired guys, I have to say you are right on point. But the long hair isn’t enough, nor is a woodsman’s attitude, you have to have that fun slightly crazed high-on-life look in your eyes and expression to really pull a weird girl into you.

  10. Steve Lurkel

    I just threw my razor away with hope that I might follow in your enlightened footsteps, DCB. Lead on.

  11. Jay Gatsby

    I often found that I was MORE successful with women in DC and NYC when I grew a beard (a moustache was a turn-off). Why? I can’t tell you exactly, but perhaps it had something to do with being DIFFERENT than most men. When I went backpacking in the Far East for 6 months after graduating college, I had both a beard AND long hair. Women of different nationalities would comment on it or want to run their fingers through it.

    beard = manly = alpha?

  12. hedonistic

    Personally, I have a deep-seated weakness for the bad-boy goatee, but the hair on the man’s head needs to be either short or shaven. The Grizzly Adams look is a complete turnoff to me. Don’t know why.

  13. Jewcano

    The Bad Boy Goatee is all too often accompanied by either more earrings than you and your mother combined or, more likely, the Bad Boy Pot Belly and the Bad Boy Bald Spot Under Bad Boy Red Sox Cap.

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