On Friday I had a date with the traffic court judge after getting ticketed for going 55 in a 35 on Connecticut Ave back in December. Traffic violators had such uncreative excuses that while waiting I began to have hope that I’d be let off easy. I decided to take a “keepin’ it real” approach to my excuse. No bullshit, just straight-up honesty:

“At the time of the incident there were two friends with me and we were laughing, talking. Plus I had on the house music really loud so I was not realizing how fast I was going… I was distracted. I know the speed limit was 35, which is why I always keep it under 45. I just slipped this time.”
“So you knew the speed limit was 35?”

Instantly I knew what was wrong with my excuse; not only did I admit to speeding but I was very aware of what the speed limit was.

“When was the last time you got a moving violation?” he said.
“Four years ago.”
“What for?”
“… speeding. :sad:”

My fate was sealed.

I did recognize someone in court though. Whenever I run into a girl that looks familiar, it’s usually because I hit on her in some club. About a year ago I started talking to this girl at the gym, who was barely 18 at the time. More recently I saw her at Spank and we flirted and danced a little, but I remember not going for the number since she was Persian. Well I roll into the courthouse and see her… in a SWEAT SUIT. She ends up getting no points and a reduced fine while I get the full fine – plus court costs – and one point, even though I pimped it out with a business casual outfit that included a tie my mom bought me four years ago. At least my attire got a compliment from the court cashier lady.


  1. Dre

    ahahahahahahahaha, love the “turbo” tie

    You should’ve said that 1 mile before the 35 sign there was a sign that said 45. That shit happens alot.

  2. DCB Post author

    oh yeah the cop was there, or else it would have been dismissed. i pleaded guilty because i had no evidence of not speeding. he had his laser reading

  3. Eric

    ah, shit happens, man. don’t blame it on keeping it real, though – keeping it real is always the best policy

  4. DCB Post author

    The girl was cute, thats why she got off.

    There’s A LOT wrong with Persian girls. I can make an essay out of it, but in a nutshell: they are messed up in the head because of parental pressure on them to succeed, making them more likely to be snobby, front, and play games.

  5. O-FACE

    Think i saw Andy Rooney wear that tie once. Back in the early 80’s. No wonder you got a ticket. Dude, you need to upgrade.

  6. Justin

    I don’t know much about Persian girls, but there is one in my editing class that talks non-stop and the teacher sometimes makes fun of her for it.

  7. CruelHazel

    That’s quite the snazzy get-up. The tie is great.
    So why did the chick get off when you didn’t?
    It’s all about the boobs.

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